I am a twat, I am a twat

I left £30 in the cash dispenser. Asked for the cash, took my card then walked off leaving it as a nice present for the next person to use the machine.
Actually I have done that more than once, please don't tell anyone.
And when I was younger I used to regularly go to sleep with my keys in the front door.

A friend (honestly) got drunk at a party and insisted on heating up some pizza. She was caught just before she put it into the oven on a plastic chopping board. But being drunk and crafty, the minute backs were turned she put them both in anyway, and it was only 10 minutes later when the kitchen filled with black smoke that anyone realised what she'd done. The oven was ruined. To this day she does not remember this and has never been told.

DH wins most of the prizes in our house... The neighbours rang the doorbell one evening to point out he had left the boot open - in the rain. He frequently leaves his keys in the lock on the outside of the door...

Our (now ex) cleaners managed to turn our grill on while cleaning it so it was on all day..

The reason I manage to avoid these incidents is now due to my lack of twatishness, more that I have a touch of ocd and am constantly checking hair straighteners, did I lock the door etc etc before I leave... DH finds it hilarious to say half way to the station "Did you check your straighteners/lock the door/shut the window" and watch me panic..

I have an active sleep life.
I've been caught by DH a number of times plugging in the iron. I don't do much ironing when I'm awake so god knows why I feel the need to in my sleep.

Last week I searched and searched for my bag in the morning rush at home. Couldn't find it - eventually wondered if I had left it in the car. I had - on the bag seat all night in full view of Johnny Burglar - car parked on the road too cos had a builders skip on the drive.

Years ago, whilst lighting a cigarette for someone in a car, I managed to get my long hair in the way of the lighter. Result? Hair in flames - used to use a lot of hairspray in the 80's!

When about 16 wks pregnant, terrible morning sickness, DH abroad on business and doing a teaching job I hated, I grabbed the HUGE pile of books I had been marking inbetween the vomming, and left the house at 7 am. Got to car, realised I'd grabbed the wrong keys No car keys and no house keys, 7am, freezing, felt like shit and then had to pay £20 to get to a job I hated. Twat.

I always feel quite pleased when I get home and find I did lock the door. Back door quite often unlocked and sometimes wide open.

I do a good line in putting plastic chopping boards near/on the electric hob.

I have left my keys in the front door

I have locked the front door with my keys and then left them in the door on the inside so when DP comes home after a few beers he can get his keys in the door to unlock it un intnetional honest!

I have hidden christmas presents in a binbag so the kids dont find them and then DP has put the binbag out for the binmen (slight lack of communication before the event but plenty after!!)

oh I've done the front door thing, several times

i rode home from the station on my bike which i parked in the garden.

i left my keys (front door and car keys together) in the basket overnight and most of the next day.

i have left the front door open

left the upstairs windows WIDE open whilst we went on holiday to the alps! came home to curtains blowing haunted house stylee

left the iron on many a time.

ironed clothes in my undies whilst the binmen walked past to collect bin

excellent thread!!

my DH is the main displayer of twattery in our house!!

he was checking the oil on our car the day before we were driving 4 hours to go camping and decided to rev the engine (for some unknown man-related reason) so the twat idiot put the car in drive- it was automatic-...took the handbrake off... and proceeded to smash the car into the back of his stationary van... i literally felt my brain implode as he stood in the street crying!!!

we can laugh now

i do have my moments...

i forgot my iron was on and picked it up by the plate once[aaaaarrrrrggghhhhhssshhhiiitttt emoticon] i felt like a prize twat seeing as how my iron lights up when its on and it glows bright red...

xx ei xx

Yes they did grow back but it took a LONG time. And this was in the days before eyelash extensions - and I couldnt be arsed with putting on false eyelashes every day.

So not only am I a twat, but I looked like a twat for ages.

oh dear. When I was a student I set fire to the grill pan by leaving it on. But best bit was that I'd gone in later and made myself a drink and failed to notice the smell, blackness and floating bits of ash all around me

It had been a big night out but still..

I once tried to fix the eye level grill on our rented flat oven. Left the gas on while searching for a match. Found match ...took a moment to strike it... lalala no hurry.... if I light it I can see which holes are blocked so that I can unblock them... juuuust lighting it now....

POOOOOFFFFFF

No eyebrows.

ahahaha that is genuinely stupid hilarious. Did they grow back?

I was v drunk once prior to getting ready to go out and somehow mistook DH's super-man-size nail clippers for my eyelash curlers. Result - I clipped off half my eyelashes.

And I was so sozzled I didn't realise. It was my friends who had to point it out to me

Eddas, I regularly try and turn the TV over using the phone and have been known to call my dad using the DVD control. And putting the old Tesco Clubcard in the cashpoint machine.

monkeysaving you beat me to it

Monkeygirl I hope not, because they'll never have that recipe again..

In a previous MN name I blogged about my excursions with pan cleaning. I had burned a pan dry forgetting about it on my hob.

Some helpful MNer suggested Coke. They didn't factor in my ability to Do Exactly The Same Thing all over again

I never knew the chemical pestilence that emerged from burnt Coke. And the interesting crispy asphalt effect when you burn it to a cake texture.

Eddad, I have hundreds of them, my ds says he's going to write a book, he thinks I'm great entertainment!
Another recent one.
Early morning not yet fully dressed (only had bra on top half) was putting the sterlizer on (in preperation for becoming the milking cow!),
forgetting it was on and lending over it to reach into the cupboard.
= rather large boob rested over the vent hole of the afore mentioned sterlizer.
Took a few seconds to realise boob was resting on vent hole and that the scalding hot steam had no where to escape to.
= vent hole shape burn to underside of boob and no pumping on that side for a while!!

gingerbunny 'My latest 'twat moment' was standing at the back door, wondering why on earth it wouldn't open. Then I realise I was stood pointing and pressing the key fob for the car at the house door!!!' rofl priceless

I went shopping for three hours the other day, when I came back to the car, I couldn't find the keys any where.
I emptied all the bags, buggy, pockets and then noticed the car wasn't locked, the key was still in the ignision!!
I have also locked myself in the house and forgotten my purse at the supermarket on more than one occassion.
My latest 'twat moment' was standing at the back door, wondering why on earth it wouldn't open. Then I realise I was stood pointing and pressing the key fob for the car at the house door!!!