I am a twat, I am a twat

Um....only the electric hearer in DS's room by the way

I am so gonna show this thread to DH. He thinks I've a OCD as it is with me needing to turn back and check the straightners/iron/electric heater in DS 's room!

I once went on holiday for a week and left the front door unlocked (didnt know) and the wind caught it and blew it open. Came home to a soaking wet hall carpet and a freezing house. Although I consider myself lucky as I could have come home to nothing at all.

I did live semi rural though.

I fed my wedding ring to a pony.

as a teenager I had a paper round. The last stop on my route was one house at the bottom of a long quiet street. Because it was so boring riding down it every day I used to see how long I dare ride my bike with my eyes shut. One day I was particularly brave and rode it right in to the back of a parked car at a fair speed. Needless to say, I never did THAT again! Twat or what?

BofF, bless you

OMG bof, you need to get a spare key outside your front door

my dad has a little box hidden by the front door(bolted to the wall) with a combination key lock, with spare key in it, you need one of those

Had spent the afternoon preening around with a long bath, hot oiled hair and straightened it, face-pack etc, and still wasn't dressed when dd2 was dropped home from her special school by the transport service. I flung on a short nightie from the back of the bathroom door to answer the door and slipped the nearest pair of shoes on my feet, which weren't quite fluffy mules, but were still rather silly looking high heels. I was only intending to peer around the door, but dd2's escort needed me to help her open the gate, so I stepped out, and...

dd2 whipped past me, slammed the fromt door shut, escort jumped back on the bus and they sailed off, leaving me locked out in the rain (so hair was wrecked, but hey, that was the least of my worries), looking like something out of The Benny Hill Show, with my autistic daughter locked in trashing the place

I had to ring my mum from a neighbour's in the end to bring the spare key. I really am a twat.

The Electric hand Blender had me literally laughing out loud.

I was clearing the kitchen table in my mums' where my teenage dsis had been studying.
So - maths book in the fridge, and open carton of milk lobbed onto her bed.

I came home on the bus from work one day. DH says .. where is the car.. ehh I dont know...well you took it to the doctors this morning

I had come out of doctors , bus was right there and I jumped on it to work. Car was still at gp's

then there was packing to come home from caravan holiday . Denims in bottom of case, case at bottom of packed boot

caravan key in denims pocket..

and to make up the hat-trick of twattiness. I left the grill for abut 20 mins when i realised instead of switching it off and letting it cool. I opened the door ..whoosh flames..

Ok, i see the thread has been resurrected so will add my own

In a cafe with my mum, i held a METAL teapot in the palm of my hand and filled it with boiling water! i then thought i must have splashed myself when said hand was burning (even THEN i did not click why!)

In Sainsburys cafe last xmas eve with my mum, we got there at like 6am got all our food then went in cafe for a cup of tea, we then proceeded to walk out of the cafe without our trolleys! got in the car and i said to my mum "what did we come here for?!" we then had to go back to cafe and get our food.

When i was 18, i ran my car on fumes lol, which of course meant i ran out of petrol LOTS. This particular day i ran out of petrol, and a very kind man stopped and asked if i wanted towing to the petrol station, he put a tow rope on my car and we set off. Everything was fine for a while as the road was fairly straight UNTIL we got to a junction and had to turn left....i found my car going up the kerb cue me in total panic, waving to the guy etc trying to get his attention as a lamp post got nearer and nearer...i didn't realise you had to have the keys in the ignition, so the keys were sat on the passenger seat next to me and my steering lock had come on when we turned!

Yes i am also a twat!

Last week while out xmas shopping Dp asked me for the food shop money it wasnt in my purse so i started to panic after 2mins i started crying thinking i'd lost it right outside tesco on a busy high street

DP took my purse off me and found it
I'd put the £100 for the food shop into a slot in my purse thats for cards to seperate it from the present money

I decided to test our new microwave steriliser, with the bottle brush inside . I have also put my fingers on the electric hob to see if it was warm enough (twice).

I have locked myself out of the flat i used to rent so many times, that every time i walked into letting agents office they would just hand the spare key to me without asking.

I locked myself out on 27th of december 2006... Realized it as soon as i closed the door behind me. (That's what i used to do - shut the door, and then check if i had the keys with me ) Phoned my brand new boyfriend (been together for a month), he said he wasn't far away, so we met in the city, went for coffee and then walked to the office to get the spare key. Office was closed.

I spent a night at his place, next day we went back to the office, it was again closed and this time there was a note there that during christmas period opening hours are 10-12. As you can guess, we got there just after 12 . I phoned their emergency number - they told me to get a locksmith.

My flat was on the first floor and i've left the kitchen window open! We went into the back garden (it was never ever used, almost inaccessible and full of crazy cats), my brave boyfriend tried to climb up the wall but failed, so we then drove to his workplace (nobody was working there, but thankfully he's got all the keys to get in whenever he wants ), borrowed a ladder, went back, and he climbed up to the kitchen window, got in, fell into the sink and broke a glass (i forgave him ), and got my keys!

The thing i regret most is not taking a picture of his legs dangling out of the kitchen window! And i had the camera with me!

(Yes, it's possible to write an essay on locking yourself out )

i went to SIL (kind of) house, and put their new kettle on the gas stove to boil. But the kettle was an electric one.
Me=Twat.

IN the early 90s when there was a cold spell and a lot of snow, was walking alongside Regent's Canal with (then) DP, and reckoned that the ice looked thick enough to skate on. He disagreed. I insisted on trying it by crouching on the bank and giving it a good kick.
Can you guess what happened next?

Luckily (then) DP is a man of superb reflexes and yanked me back up the bank before more than one leg had plunged into the icy water... I related the story to a paramedic pal a few days later who looked at me Very Sternly and said 'You do realise that if you'd fallen right into the water there would have been about 15 seconds to get you out before you died...'

I went into a salon to have my eyebrows shaped, explained what I wanted done to the girl behind the counter who kept nodding and smiling in what I should have noticed was a rather suspicious way. I sat down in the chair and closed my eyes. Opened my eyes and I had no eyebrows. Turns out she only spoke portugese and didn't understand a word of what I said. I had to draw my eyebrows in for about 4 weeks while they grew back. I'm not sure who was the bigger twat, probably me!!

radiating not radiation!

My auntie went on holiday with my Mum and DCs for a week in sunny Blackpool. She had left the gas fire on! That in it's self is bad enough (gas fire left on for a week) but was made a little worse by the fact that DAuntie fell and broke her knee whilst on holiday and spent 8 weeks at DMums recovering before going home.

I kid you not, when I took DAuntie home 9 weeks after she set off on holiday I could feel the heat radiation through the front door of her house.

I hate to say it but I think my Auntie is the biggest twat. (that feels so wrong)

Early one frosty morning I went out to scrape the ice off the car. Whilst doing so I stroked, petted and chatted to our elderly cat who was sat on the roof of the car. I jump in the car drove up the lane and pulled out on to the main road. I'm was driving at around 90kms/hr before I glanced in the rear view mirror to see afore mentioned kitty clinging Garfield like to the rear window screen wiper. Easy mistake to make once, twice? but three times... umm twatty!

Sparky, that just had me actually Lolling!

I put a kettle on a gas ring to boil while I went on MN. Realised a bit later I hadn't heard it whistle. Went into the kitchen, saw the gas was on but not lit....

...and pushed the ignition button.

Thankfully got away with just a few charred tomatoes!

Jujubean77 Ow ow ow ow ow!!!

I have gone shopping to Waitrose, walked around with an armful of shopping, then gone looking for the trolley, couldn't find it, stopped everyone asking if they had seen a trolley with two toddlers in it, had everyone running around like a headless chickens in a real panic.

Snuck out of the shop when I realised that it was Saturday, I wasn't working and the toddlers were safely at home with their parents!!

Walked out of the front door, thinking, what would I do if I locked myself out, slammed door behind me, locking myself out, leaving two 6 month olds still on lounge floor. Luckily (watching through patio doors) they fell asleep after 5 minutes as it took mum boss nearly an hour to get there!!

Last friday, playing football with 6 year old ex-charge, thought, imagine if I kicked the football through the window, 10 seconds later, did just that!!!!

Must stop thinking stupid things!