Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

DD(3) - Has Grandpa got a beard?
Me - No.
DD - Will Granny knit him a beard?
Me - No, you grow beards, you don't knit them.
DD - Did Grandpa grow a beard before?
Me - Yes he did.
DD - Did Granny Put Her Foot Down because there was too much gingerbread in it? And she took it off?
Me - Erm, well not quite...
DD - And now poor Grandpa has only got a moustachio?

Spicemonster - DS didn't get a Roary Easter Egg?

DS (3 and a half) last month "Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

Love the Michael Jackson one below.

My DD (5) appeared to have absorbed some of the news coverage of his death as she informed DH when he came home that Michael had died and that "it is very very important never to put chemicals on our skin " (just wait til she wants to start Fake Baking that lily white Celtic skin...)

On a busy train yesterday morning:

DD: Mummy, I think I'm going to marry Michael Jackson

Me: Errrmmm, I don't think so darling, Michael Jackson died, didn't he

DD: Yes but I will just open up his eyes. He will be a skeleton now though, won't he mummy? Just a big load of bones, cos that's all people have when they die, isn't it? A big load of bones and a brain, has Michael Jackson still got a brain?

Me: Umm, I'm not quite sure. So, I wonder what you'll be doing at nursery today?

DD: Just thinking about marrying the Michael Jackson skeleton, I suppose

Me:

spicemonster I would interpret that as RAW egg. But I wouldn't give him a raw egg.

We call breastfeeding 'nums.' DD1, upon seeing DH without his shirt on: "Don't worry Daddy, your nums are still growing."

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!!! Such a feel good factor. I was feeling crap today but now I'm smiling. Particularly love the Electric sharks and Grandads trousers.

Here is a conversation I had at the dinner table with DS1 when he was about 3.

DS1: I've finished!
Me: Well, you haven't eaten very much.
DS1: Yes, I have but you can't see what I've eaten coz it's in my tummy!

And on the more random side, he (now aged 4) announced to be completely out of the blue the other day....

"Mummy, Ornitholestes was a carnivore"

I have no idea if he's right (or how to spell Ornitholestes) but I was frankly rendered speechless!

DS is 6, so also not a toddler, but anyway... In the car recently with him and DD (11). DD and I were talking about something one of us had been reading (I think), when DS suddenly pipes up, "Is that a non-chronological report?" DD and I were speechless!

Ok... not a toddler but made me laugh.

Driving the boys to the train station, going down a hill DS1 (6)pipes up

"Mummy, when we go down a steep hill my dinkle goes zero gravity and floats up!"

My dad died last year and the first time DS (then 27 months) went to his Nanna's house after Dad had died he went to investigate where she was hiding him. He took DH upstairs to check Grandad wasn't in their bedroom.

DS Is Grandad here?
DH No DS Grandad has died, he is in heaven.
DS (solemnly) yes... Grandad in heaven...doesn't need trousers.

I would like to reassure Mumsnetters that my darling Daddy was in life at least in the habit of wearing trousers in public, although DS seems to think he wont require them in heaven and I will just have to wait and see!

DS: 'Do cock-a-roaches bite?' (after hearing about cockroaches for the first time)
Me: 'No, they don't bite, but people don't like them because they're dirty.'

Several days later...

DS: 'Can I find a clean cock-a-roach and keep him for my special pet?'
Me:

DS3 aged 3 joke, that he made up by himself

Why did the man cross the road?

To see the chicken

Not a toddler but had the following conversation with DD (7 and considered bright, believe it or not.) This is a truncated version of it BTW.

Me: (Pointing at telly) Oh look DD, an Octopus.

DD: Oh yes! Just like Squidward.

Me: Erm, well yeeeessssss, sort of, but Squidward's a squid.

DD: No, he's an Octopus.

Me: No, he's a squid. That's why he's called Squidward.

DD: But he is an Octopus.

Me: No, he is a squid. The clue is in the name. He is called Squidward. If he was an Octopus, he'd be called Octopusward. He's a squid. Because HIS NAME IS SQUIDWARD.

DD: Yes, he's a squid but he's an Octopus as well.

Mine is four so not really a toddler but the other day he

asked me when he was going to die
when could he be a cat
was he one when he came out of my tummy and today when could he be a bird.

When the dcs used to come up with nonsense words, other people always used to look at me for an explanation thinking it was Dutch, as my dcs are also bilingual, brioche. Sadly I didn't know what they were on about either

We had DS crying "cow train, cow train" every time we passed the station. Took me weeks to realise he was saying "Look out for a train" because the train only goes past every half an hour and he was hoping that it would coincide with our driving past.
To make it worse, he's bilingual and always seemed to be sneezing "tchoo, tchoo" every time he got in the car, until I realise it was "voiture".

Maybe he does want a soft boiled egg. I've never given him one so will have to check with his CM if that's what he means! Thanks for all the ideas - I'm sometimes a bit lacking in imagination in my interpretation

During a thunderstorm

Dd2: I'm scared of the loud noise, what is it?

Me: Don't worry, it's just giant electric sparks that come down from the sky (Why did I think this sounded reassuring?)

DH: Don't say that, it sounds even more scary.

Dd2: But will the giant electric sharks eat me?

"Mummy, the peas we eat, are they different from the pees you do in the toilet?"

completely random question from dd1 when we were in the car the other day!

On seeing electricity pylons...
"Look at those frilly knickers!"
Every time!

myjobismum - we've obviously both been here before!

spicemonster - does he mean a runny egg?

This is bringing back some happy memories - well, I can remember having conversations like this with the dses, but unfortunately my brain cell is so old and tired that I can't remember any specifics at the moment - but I will be coming back to this thread because it is so cute and funny.

Many thanks all of you!!