Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

Took my son when little to the zoo:

DS: Mummy the Limas can talk
Mum: Sorry?
DS: The Limas can talk!
Mum: Don't be silly dear Limas cant talk
DS: Yes they can, look the sign says so. Lima's Talk: 2pm

designerbaby, I thought it was bad enough that ds used to call my breasts 'barbaras' (no idea where that came from, we've never even met anyone called Barbara as far as I know). But bucket is even worse!

DD - 2 1/2 was asking for days for 'Backepper and Fireman Sam' or black pepper and parmesan as I eventually worked out!

Eeeeek at the toilet ones

All of these very funny.

I had a very frustrating conversation with DD (nearly 3) the other day, as we were all loaded up on the buggy and ready to leave the house...

DD: Boogie (with air of urgency)
Me: Eh?
DD: Boogie!! (with growing air of hysteria)
Me: I don't understand what you mean DD
DD: BOOGIE!! (tears, full blown hysteria)
Me: Okaaaay - get OUT of the pram and go and find the boogie, as I REALLY can't help you with this one
DD:
Me: Look, we're late, get back in the pram
DD:

I twigged days later that she had dropped a bogey on the carpet. Which was obviously a matter of earth-shattering importance. Kinda funny in retrospect I suppose.

While using the GPS to locate holiday cottage:

(Creepy computer voice): "At the end of the road, bear left."

DS: (pauses to look around, then says wistfully) "Might be bear on road. Where's the bear?"

Spottybotton - WTF I almost pml at that one, you must have been totally mortified!!! What did you say???

oh yes, a toilet one - picture very busy loos in busy shopping centre - peak shopping time -

DC1 (very loudly): Mummy, why have you got a piece of string hanging out of your willie

In John Lewis toilets, DD with me in cubicle...

"Mummy, look, you've got such a hairy bottom! Why?"

And it's not like she'd never seen it before!

This has to be quote of the week!!

"Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

Me - See that butterfly ..
Dd - Yes, that was a catterpillar ..
Me - Yes, now it's a butterfly
Dd - I don't want to be a butterfly, I want to be a little girl

She's 3.5yo today

Love the dog poo and badgers one. Selling badgers...

When my dgd was 5 her homework was to ask a grownup to take her outside in the dark and say what she saw and heard.My oh volunteered to take her.It was a lovely November evening and when they returned I heard oh saying,'What was the most interesting thing R was it the stars or the lights on the cars?'
R;'It was the dog poo because I saw it and smelled it'.

DS aged 2, accusingly, yesterday morning: X (our dog) has got a digger and he wont share it!
me: um, i dont think he has. being a dog
DS: he has! has got a digger!
me: ok, so where is it?
ds: he keeps it in the clouds.

wtf.... the dog slunk off looking guilty, so maybe there was something in it after all...

walking around the natural history museum when dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 2- Mummy is that dead?(pointing to stuffed foal) yes darling it is. Mummy is that foals Mummy dead?(pointing to stuffed horse) Yes darling it is. Who killed it Mummy? Why did they kill it?

Followed by 20 mins of DD1 and DD2 looking at everything in the sodding place saying DEAD TOO in very very loud voices.

Me: Which doggy are you talking about littleBotty?

LittleBotty: the one with eyes!

LittleBotty: is that a dog's poo?
me: Yes, it is
LittleBotty: is it dead?

LittleBotty: Look Mummy, I've found a fairy.
It was a feather

dd2 age 3: mummeeeeeeee can we go to the similar and get popcorn and a drink?

me: Similar? oh Cin E Ma

They are clever little monkeys.

I love this thread

Not quite a conversation but I'm still smiling about this interchange with 19month DS this morning. We were eating pancakes and DS went to pour his cup of milk on his plate. I said 'no, we don't put milk on our pancakes'. At that he looked me pleadingly in the eye, and said 'sauce?'

I've posted this before, but a couple of years back, ds was about 4, sat in back of car
ds- Is God real
me- Um, yes,to some people he is (not sure where conversation was leading)
ds- I know he is real.
me- (distracted by driving) great
long pause
ds- yes- at school, the bible is in the non-fiction section. That means it is true. So God must be real.

Excellent logic, I think!

When I asked DD what she wanted for her 4th birthday, she replied "Can I have a horse on top of a chocolate tree, please?"

No. No, you can't.

Spicemonster Can't help you with a Roary Egg, but I thought that fried eggs were called Andrew Eggs until I was 14 and on a residential school trip. My mum used to cook them for my DB weekends, and they just got called after him. He is older than me and it was family folklore by the time I came along. I spent 14 years thinking it was coincidence!

At breakfast a few weeks ago:

dd(7): why does it say "badges" on the fridge?
me: to remind me to sell Sports Day team badges in the playground before school
ds1(4): oooh! are they real ones?
me: (trying to think what a pretend badge would look like) - yes, they're real ones
ds1: oooh (unfeasibly excited)

long pause

ds1: you will need cages to put them in, otherwise they'll run away

long pause

me: no, badges not badgers

But the image of me standing in the playground with cages of freshly-caught badgers and a collecting tin just won't go away

My DD broke off her milk drinking the other night to tell me quite earnestly she had eyebrows. Well that's good then!

Last week was the first time for this one - now, of course I know what she's on about...

DD (20 months): Mummeeee. I put pen in bucket. (DD holding several pens and waving them in my general direction)

Me: Darling we don't have a bucket because Mummy left it in the sand pit at the park.

DD: Noooooo. I put pen in bucket!!

Me: But I don't HAVE a bucket DD

DD: (Quite agitated) Put pen in bucket... there!! (Points to me)

I go down to her level with the intention of explaining the 'no bucket' situation again, when DD, triumphantly, sticks all the pens down my cleavage.

DD: Mummy there! I put pen in BUCKET!!!.

My cleavage = bucket.

Apparently.

Whilst I've always been well-endowed I do rather think that's pushing it...

All sorts of things go into the 'bucket' now, at regular intevals.

db
xx