Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

DS1 was obsessed with death when he was 4. After listening in on a mammoth Q&A session on a long drive, DS2, aged 2 3/4, piped up:

DS well I'm going to die when I'm three.

Me I do hope not!

DS why?

Me that would make me very sad

DS I wouldn't be sad because then I would find the key to unlock this cage that I'm kept in.

He is now 8 and, thankfully, still very much with us!

Early spiritual adventures:

DS: We don't need the post lady any more
Me: Don't we?
DS: No.
Me: Who will deliver the letters then?
DS: The wind.
Me: How will it know where to send them?
DS: There are addresses on them silly.
Me: But the wind can't read.
DS: Yes but God made the wind and God can read so we don't need the post lady.

I commented on dd (4) sleeping in till late this morning. Her response

"I couldn't get up early because my dream was running slow and I had to finish watching it"

ds (4): when I grow up I want to ride a motorbike to work
me: ok but you have to be very careful when you ride a motorbike
ds: why?
me: long explanation of why motorbikes are more dangerous than cars
ds: I will be VERY careful mummy. I will do wheelies and jumps and if a car is going to crash into me I will just jump right over it!

Conversation with DD (21 months) on the way to her Nan's the other day:

DD: cars go fast!
Me: they do, yep
DD: Me go fast!
Me:
DD: I love cars! I love Aunty Suzy!

Ok then...

yesterday, rushing like a loon around the living room: it's so fun, it's fun, it's fun (repeat ad nauseum)

typing through tears

Yesterday
DD: What would happen if you didn't had a mouth (a bit of a theme at the moment)
Me: I wouldn't be able to eat
DD: I could help you
Me: That would be nice darling
DD: I could put food up your nose!

Today
DD: I've got a feeling in my leg
Me: What sort of feeling?
DD: There's someone inside talking
Me: Who?
DD: Rosie! (her friend)

She also went through a phase of "don't hit me mummy!" at the top of her voice - I've never hit her!

My DS has said that about snot on his top too.

Last night we had this convo...

radio...and next up is Lady GaGa..

DS..Lady GaGa...who what is lady gaga??

Me: she's a lady who sings songs on the radio.

DS: Does she do Songbox then?

I did chuckle at the thought of Lady GaGa rocking up to DS's nursery to do a songbox session!

He also calls Dizzee Rascal, Dirty Rascal.

Last weekend he announced out of nowhere 'Jazzy (our cat) has grown some cheeks.'

When DD was about 2yo she sneezed and some snot came out. She started crying and wailed, "Mama, I have bless you on my cardigan"

God, this thread is brilliant - I have actually been crying with laughter as I have read it. I am also desperate to find out the answer to the 'roary eggs' conundrum.

DS2 - Why do you call Nanny 'Mum'?
Me - Because She's my Mummy.
DS2 - You can't have a Mummy, you're too big and old.

DS "Mummy why is your tummy all fat and floppy."
Me "Because I've had 2 babies and it stretched"
DS "Well maybe they left one in there still"

And today's little gem:

"How old will I be when I'm 9?"

A punk isn't always a scrumpler. Sometimes it's someone with sticky out hair.

Last night when I was putting DS to bed:

"Don't go downstairs mummy, it's raining in our house"

And then started singing "rain rain go away come again another day"

It wasn't raining BTW

Said to DS 2 that Daddy would like a lie in so he started roaring like a lion!!

Conversation this morning:

DS: why are there teeny tiny mice in the underground

Me: they live there

DS: how do they get down the escalators?

Me: they don't, they live in the tunnels

DS: Maybe they could go in a bag to keep them safe on the escalator

Me: Maybe

DS: Maybe Daddy could put them in a bag, to keep them safe, and then put them on a plane to take them on holiday

Me: Maybeeeee !

On the way home from nursery last night I said to DS "come on, let's get home so Mummy can have a nice cup of tea" (DS has been obsessed by tea since he was tiny, it was his first word in fact!)
DS (walking faster): Coffee!
Me: coffee for mummy?
DS: coffee for !
Me: really? How do you have your coffee, black or with milk?
DS: with milk.

When we got in, he marched straight to the kitchen and demanded coffee. I pretended to make him a cup (milk in cup, with a splash of hot water from the kettle and mimed putting a spoon of coffee in) but he was not impressed.

DS 3yrs said to me today in a shop full of people: "I don't know you, so why are you calling me?" before walking off behind a mirror...

he'll get me arrested!

me: DD what's your name?

DD: name Justin

me: no that's his name. What's your name? Is it DD?

DD: no, Justin.

(Too much Mr Tumble )

dophus... that reminds me of dinner the other night.

ds1 was pantsless and suddenly pipes up 'mommy, somethings happening to my penis' in a rather worried tone of voice

me: 'well stop playing with it then'
ds1: 'no, want something to happen to my penis'
me:
dd: what's happening to [ds1]'s penis?
me: erm

DS (4) in the middle of a crowded changing room at the gym as the point of a sudden lull in background noise.

'Look mummy - my winky's gone big'

I had the most bizarre conversation with DD this morning:

DD: Mummy, have you got electricity?
Me: Yes we have darling
DD: Are you sure?
Me: Erm, yes, we pay money every month and the electricity comes into the house
DD: I've got some electricity
Me: Have you?
DD: Yes, so if in the month of Octover [not a typo btw], you have a power cut and you need electricity, well [shrugs] just ask me
Me: [bewildered] Oh, OK, thanks darling

I have literally no idea where that came from, but I love how she specified 'in the month of October'!

DS comes up with Dr kit and starts sawing away at my tummy

Me: What are you doing mate?
DS: I'm taking your old love heart out
Me: Oh - why's that?
DS: Cos you shouted and me and got cross so you don't love me lots. So I'm giving you a new love heart
DS inserts new love heart 'stitch stitch stitch'

DS: There, now you can't shout at me any more cos you love me again

Me - feels like utter cowbag from hell

DS (age 3) singing:

"Nellie the elephant back to front...."

BY the way, I am sure Roary Eggs is a fond memory of Easter eggs

What's that mummy?
That's my diary.
What's the name of your diary mummy?
I think it's just called diary.
No it isn't.
Oh, would you like to give it a name? You can choose one.
Honey Diary.
Ok, my diary is called Honey Diary.

Conversation with my DD1 (4) in the car this morning....

DD1: Mummy - When you were little did Father Christmas have brown hair?

Me: No he had white hair even then.

DD1: Wow he's had white hair for ages. How come he's not dead? People with brown hair don't die, only people with white hair. See that man there (pointing at old man on pavement) he'll be dead soon... Who'll bring the presents when Father Christmas dies? Maybe we'll all have to dress up with hats and scarves and go to the North Pole ourselves.....

I didn't really know where to begin with answering that lot!

Goldensnitch - Pocoyo because when my ds says it, it sounds very much like what your dc is saying! Hope it is that.