Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

(Shouted from the landing, where she is upstairs on her own getting herself dressed, halway inside her polo shirt- we are all downstairs) 'Mummy! I said I didn't want any help, but I saw a hand pointing into my sleeve. I can do it myself!' 'Do you think it might have been your own hand sweetie?' She insists it is definitely not her hand, but seems unconcerned about the idea of a disembodied hand...

Mummy, I know that God sent you to look after me. But don't worry if you die, Daddy can do it. Will I be getting my P45?

"Daddy took my trousers off in the park today"
Why's that,son?
"Because he was naaaaaughty"

Ok, but why did he take them off, did he change your pull up?

"No, he put my trousers on the cold dirty floor and that's why I got no trousers on!"

Errr, son ... I took your trousers off downstairs, remember? So what did daddy do with your trousers?

"Nuffin. I said it cos I big"

Hello!

I am not a mum myself, but a struggling uni student, and reading these threads is just brilliant. Esp as us uni students miss our mums lots! My friend and I think you are all fab. I felt the urge to share some of my classic toddler moments

at the supermarket..
cashier: isn't your mummy nice buying you all those treats?
me: yes... (pauses) but she isnt strict enough sometimes

at playgroup
me: aunty dot (she ran the playgroup) can we have classic fm I don't like this music

watching beauty and the beast for the first time
me: (the moment when gastone dies)
HE HAS FALLEN TO HIS DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! (cries)

Have just rediscovered this thread and laughed all over again1
Reminded me od DD2 on the way home from pre-school:
Mummy, do moles like lemons?

Message withdrawn

MY DS1 also says "You're ruining my Daaaaay" when I tell him off.

Did a run yesterday but was trying to explain to ds1 that my painkillers made me very sleepy but at least no tooth pain. He suggested I had a very hot coffee so it would hurt my teeth so much I'd wake up and run

DS1 currently having hysterics because "today's weather is... Missed!" which means throwing supper all over the floor.

Not so cute, but I love that Planet Protector Reef lives in his hair and they chat. And whenever he sees water, he uses a special voice to say "Look, DS1, water! I loooove playing in water!"

DS2 (aged 2) likes saying UPside Down Giraffe. I don't know why.

You know the sun right? Well it's a big ball of fire and lava and it's so hot you sizzle like this (does squirming eyes closed sizzling) if you get close to it. It eats fire which is why when things are burning on earth it's important to put the fire out in case the sun tries to collect it.

DD: Mummy, how did the baby get into your tummy?
Me: Daddy helped me put the baby into my tummy (glossing over details!)
DD: Did he dig a big hole in your tummy and plant a special begetable to help the baby grow up?
Me: Em, yes, something like that...

Today as we were driving past an Esso petrol station.

DD: why do they have a tiger wash there?
me: it's called a tiger wash but it's really just for cars, that petrol station uses a tiger in it's adverts.
DD: but they must wash tigers there cos if they just washed cars, it would be called a car wash, not a tiger wash.

this went on for quite a while until I got fed up and put the radio on - loudly!

Ooh just remembered another one!
DD's pre-school had building work going on, so invited one of the builders in to see the kids so they could learn about what they do.

DD stood up and asked him very loudly (and accusingly according to teacher!) "Are you God?" Poor builder went scarlet and looked confused. DD said "God was a builder cos he made the whole world. I thought you might be him"

DD (4) told her pre-school teacher that when you die you go up to heaven and don't need your legs anymore so leave them behind on the floor.....not sure where it came from!

She also regularly demands that I play "the lobsters and unicorns game" and proceeds to get furious with me when I tell her I don't know it.

Brilliant thread I've got all this to come, so thanks for sharing!

During the one of the ashes tests recently DH and I were checking the score and talking about it when DS1 (4) decided to chip in.

DS: How many goals have England scored?
DH: It's not football, Darling, it's Cricket.
DS: Oh. How many Cricks have they scored then?

Literally crying with laughter now!

At the age of 4, DD had guilt down to a fine art as every time you told her off, or even said no to her she would pretend to cry and declare "you are breaking my heart"

She's now 6 and still very skilled at martyrdom!

DD (4 next month) came out with a great line today - we walked outside the front door and she took a long sniff of the air and said "Mmmmm mummy, can you smell the nature in that breeze?"

Before DD was born, DS was asked 'Where's the new baby going to live? In the shed with the lawnmower?' Ds replied 'Um... I don't know. Mum, do we have a lawnmower?', as though having enough room in the shed was the key thing about keeping a baby there. And he was 5, so not even a toddler anyway.

DD is 21 mo and just likes claiming that all animals that aren't a cat or dog is 'Daddy'. Not very flattering to poor DP.

Fab thread.

Walking past a church.

DD: what's that?
Me: it's a church.
DD: what do you do in a church?
Me (atheist): it's where people go to sing songs about Jesus

DD breaks down in hysterical laughter.

Me: what's so funny?
DD: people singing songs about cheeses!

Makes me laugh even now.

Great thread, been weeping with laughter at some of these.

DD spoke very fondly of the 'dinner hole' after her first day at school. (we do live in the North East so that might explain it)

She also commented that 'it is very rare for a girl to have a willy Mummy'

Yes dear,

'And it is very rare for a boy to have a normal bottom!'

Both DH and I keep hearing from DS (2 1/2) 'I see dead people'!
We really do not know what he is saying but he says this when he plays with his stick dolls....(I think he is to young to understand death as a concept?)

My DS was talking to my sister a few days ago and said the conversation went like this:
DS: S go to work
S: where do I work?
DS: Cleaning
S: Cleaning what?
DS: Carrots. (and walked away to play)

I had a long and distressing conversation with DS (3.5) the other night. He was crying because he thought Daddy was going to die. Cue long converation about people mostly only dying when they are old, peppered with loads of crying when I said the wrong thing. In the end we settles on us all (everyone he knows) dying all together when DS is very old, and going to heaven, which is just like going on holiday (said that bit because he thought he would have no arms and legs there?!?!). We're taking everything with us, including DVDs. Makke Pakka however, is not coming because "he can't come out of the telly mummy, he's not real!" The next day, during a chat about something totally mundane he announced in a cheery voice "I'm still not keen on heaven Mummy".

We were on the motorway, stuck in traffic & dd1 (aged about 3 at the time) decided she needed the toilet. I told her I would stop as soon as I could. In a distressed manner, she demanded I called an ambulance immediately!