Dear Husband (or Wife)... Just a quick note to let you know:

Dear Bloke,

I do know a lot of stuff, but I don't automatically know where your keys/wallet/shoes are.

Your Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe (from Frasier) impersonation whenever you're desperately hunting for things: "Where's my stuff? Someone's stolen my stuff! This stinks! This is total B.S! ...Oh, there it is." really gets on my wick.

Other than that, you're alright really.

Loose xx

Dearest H,
Please can you fix the skirting boards in the living room.

I have been waiting four years.

Thankyou,

Betty xx

Dear Dp,

Thanks very much for all the great stuff you do - make cool stuff and play with DS, iron your own clothes and work very hard.

But please can you not say to me at 11:30 that you will be 'up in a minute' and not appear in our bedroom til 1am and then complain that i am sleeping.

When we first got together you cooked for me all the time, now you say i am the better cook, so i cook for you, but you don't really like what i cook, or how i make lasagne, macaroni cheese or pizza - so why don't you start cooking again? And when I suggest this, don't give the usual of 'but I only know how to make stovies' pah

Since you do iron your own clothes as i simply refuse to iron anything, could you please put the iron and the ironing board away after use, dont just expect that I will do it for you, nor moan at me when I dont put it away.

How can you complain about my hair being left to sit in the drain in the shower when you leave a weeks worth of beard in the sink?

Just because that one time DS and I were away for a week and YOU managed to tidy the entire house by yourself, doesnt mean you can keep bringing this up everytime you come home from work to find that the house isn't to your standards.

Dont do that thing where you say 'i dont mind what we have for tea' and then complain that the risotto i have spent a good half hour stirring on the hob isn't what you wanted.

Don't deliberately 'forget' to take out something from the freezer for the next nights tea, so we end up having to have a takeaway.

Don't doge the question of 'when are we going to get married' with 'can we talk about this another time' because it has been almost 3 years since you said you were going to propose, but since you are so useless I bought our wedding rings at xmas and you still havent made a move. Get on with it. Or I'll be 65 before we end up tying the knot, I don't want be you 'girlfriend' forever you know.

Thanks

Antdamm

xx

Dearest MrLexy

Clearly you are taller, faster, better at the computer stuff and less likely to die early from obesity than myself (as you so often - rightly enough - point out ), but when you cook our dinner, please can you not make a special effort to use every slightly gone off ingredient that you can find in the kitchen because you are super frugal and think 'it needs using up'? Sausages are not nice in a fish pie. Mustard does not improve the taste of spaghetti bolognese. You cannot use pesto when its covered in white fluff - and boiling it hard doesn't help either.

Its a wonder I ever got to be the weight I am.

Your loving wife
x

mrsbabookaloo - today I definitely think the cloth thing is the greater of the two sins.

I might change my mind tomorrow!

-----

Dear MrMerryHenry

I love you like I've never loved any man before. But when you spread all our dirty dishes across the entire kitchen, covering every millimetre of space (including hob and work surfaces), in order to organise the washing-up back into the sink...but then get distracted and go back to the office to do a full day's work, leaving said dishes covering the whole kitchen...

...it is, to put it mildly...annoying. And no, you're not allergic to the word 'sorry'. And yes, I'll still love you if you say it. After having put the dishes back.

Love

MMH

Another quick note.

Darling,

If you are wondering why your t-shirts or socks arent being washed and appearing back on top of the chest of drawers, its because placing them on the back of chairs or on the top of the sofa in the living room after you come in from work, isnt going to make them appear in the laundry basket unless you actually pick them up and place them in there.

P.S there is NO laundry fairy

Oh, and another thing, please dont moan at me, if you forget that you have a doctors/ bank appointment and havent written it down on the calandar.
I am not your secretary!

Love always,

Harley xx

Dear MrTrikken,

I will always love you, but perhaps I would end up a little bit more sane if you;

A. Manage to put empty packets in the bin, not on the work-surface, near to the bin.

B. Put towels back on the towel-rail after use, not in the sink, so the edges get all wet when you turn the tap on.

C. Remembered to wipe the bath after your bath, as I do not like swimming in hairs, and neither does your son.

D. Upon realising the baby smells, do not wait for me to be free and say "Its your turn love." even though it has been MY turn since two days after ds's birth.

E. Realise that when I put a clean pile of clothes on your side of the bed I do expect you to put them away, not for them to go back in the basket.

F.Chucked away those pants with the zip down the front. it is not sexy when you scream cos you've zipped up your bits into it.

Otherwise Im happy.

Loves from The Wife.

Dear DH

just because the washing machine is full it doesn't mean the washing is waiting to be hung out. CLUE - if it is still dry it hasn't been washed yet. I do not want to spend my time getting dirty washing off the line and re-loading the machine.

Oh, and your farts are not "just wind" - they are a noxious gas that have been through your bowels, therefore I don't want them anywhere near me.
Thank you.

Dear Husband,

Thank you for cleaning up the cat sick this morning, however DON'T shout at me from the kitchen that there's no kitchen roll. There is kitchen roll, it just didn't magically re-appear on the holder when you used the last sheet to blow your nose last night.

Also, when i tell you to look for it, don't be surprised that it may not fall into your hands immediately. Telling me that it was "right at the back" in an annoyed tone winds me up.

While we're on the subject, there are tissues in the bathroom, the bedroom and the study. you don't have to use kitchen roll.

Love Me x

ROFL at "Doing a supermarket shop does not mean buying everything that is on offer/shortdated so that all I have to make a meal with is a broken box of cous cous, 16 scotch eggs and 4 packets of jammy dodgers"

and at
Dear dh:

You always get up a couple of minutes before me, and set out breakfast cereal for all of us. Thank you.

After breakfast, while you are in the shower, the girls will change into uniforms that I bought, washed, ironed and put away. Using the timetable that I made for them, they will then gather together the PE/swimming kit that I organised, the costume that I made, the homework that I nagged them through and the violin that they practised at my behest. They will pick up the packed lunch that I have made, with ingredients that I made sure were in the house. I will then chivvy them through their toothbrushing and hairbrushing activities, make them wash their faces and find the emergency lost whatever it is this morning. I will tidy up the kitchen whilst doing so. If I'm really lucky I may have time to have my shower or - who knows - even put on some makeup before going off to work.

Please stop telling me that you "do all the mornings".

"

Dear dh,

please flush the toilet after use, and make sure all poo has gone down,

thankyou for doing laundry, but please read wash labels

the landing and banister outside the bathroom is not an acceptable towel rail or clothes horse.

yes your farts stink and you snore too loud, and I understand you can't help it, but why look so pleased about it

when I am on MY laptop, stop changing my pages just to look at play.com and amazon. It is very annyoying. Also stop setting the email account on ahem MY LAPTOP to your email account.

why do you buy so many packs of kitchen towells and crap?

Dear DP,

• if you must have a "floordrobe" can you at least seperate it from your "floor laundry" pile so I don't have the painful dilemma of doing twice the amount of washing Vs having to examine your clothes for evidence of wear.

• can you please use the toilet brush provided instead of pouring half a litre of bleach over your skidmarks in the hopes it will melt them away without you having to touch anything. If you hated poo that much you wouldn't sit in a cloud of your own stink for an hour playing games on your iPhone.

Dear Mr Whyme
For your information,

Under the bed is NOT the top of the laundry chute.
There are 6 people in this house, if you drink all the milk at night I will drink all the beer.
Is not beyond your capabilities to put something away after yourself, ie, towels on hook, tablets in cupboard, keys on hook, rubbish in bin, power washer in shed, shoes in wardrobe, etc.
Doing a supermarket shop does not mean buying everything that is on offer/shortdated so that all I have to make a meal with is a broken box of cous cous, 16 scotch eggs and 4 packets of jammy dodgers,
Thank you for your time.

Mrs Whyme2

DH
Stop getting annoyed that you are always ready to go out first, and I keep you all waiting.
While you were "waiting" I have made sure the kids have brushed teeth and hair and washed faces, and wearing vaguely suitable clothing.

DP

Come out, come out, where ever you are. I can't seem to find you

Niecie- lmao@ life or death accountant!

Dear DH

Thank you for putting up with me and my foibles for all these years.

In a totally selfless act of sharing and openness can I just point out the following -

1. When I am driving and ask which way you want to go to our destination and where we should park, do not say you don't care and then, 5 minutes later tell me that you wouldn't have gone the way I have chosen, that I have taken the long way round and that you don't like the car park and prefer the one up the road. If you feel that strongly tell me when I ask!

1. If stuff comes out of the dishwasher dirty, please do not put it back in the cupboard. Put it back in the dishwasher, or if it has already been through the process twice, accept it is not going to get clean unless you wash it.

1. Maybe you just fancy a change, I don't know, but after 5 years of putting crockery away in a particular way in the cupboard, so that it fits and you can get to stuff easily, please don't start putting everything away in a different place.

And finally,

1. after nearly 16years of marriage, and admittedly several years of satisfactory tea making performance, could you please remember how I like it?! I do not like it weak and milky nor do I like builders tea, somewhere in the middle would be absolutely lovely.

Thank you.

Love

Niecie xx

P.S. There is one more - when we are out as a family or on holiday could you please, just once not start tapping away on your Blackberry the second my back is turned. You are not a member of the emergency services, you do not have to be on 24 hours call and what you do is not a matter of life or death. You are an accountant. xxx

MrsB

That's why threads like this are great! . I inwardly seeth and don't say anything.

Dear Mr CSD

I realise that you are a much tidier person than me. I try very hard to match your high standards in this area. Do you think that reading the following fact might make more of a difference to your method of washing up than me saying it everytime I see you standing at the sink?

Swilling the dirty items left in the sink in lukewarm, greasy washing up water, then plonking them on top of clean, rinsed items drying on the draining board does not constitute washing up. It does make 3 times as much work for me, because I then have to run a bowl of hot water and washing up liquid, wash and rinse all and place them back on the drainer to dry.

Yours affectionately
CSM

ps Sometimes, when I'm knackered, I just put things you've washed up away, but I make damn sure the kids & I don't eat/drink from them.

dear DH

Please put the knives and forks the right way round in the cutlery drawer and please do not keep putting empty drinks cartons in the fridge

also WHY do you feel the need to put the milk from the fridge down RIGHT IN THE PILE OF TOAST CRUMBS NEXT TO THE BREAD BOARD AND LEAVE WET TEA SPOONS ON THE SIDE TO STICK IN A PUDDLE OF GOO INSTEAD OF PUTTING THEM IN THE SINK

dw XX

Dear Mr OSOTF

I am afraid I have to take you to task for your definition of having 'sorted the ironing backlog'
In my innocence I was expecting to go upstairs and find it all done - imagine my pissed off expression delight at finding you had actually bought me an extra laundry basket so (and I quote) 'you don't need to worry about the unironed clothes overflowing now'

Also, turning the shower on full blast and letting it run for 30 seconds does not clean the bath - in the same way swilling the sink with water after you have shaved does not clean it.

Blimey Fimbo....don't think I'd last long as your dh!!

Jackstini, yes, this needs to be taken out of chat so we won't lose it. I think LupusinaLlamasuit needs to request to move it.