To The People Who Owned My House Before Me I Would Just Like To Ask

Did you lock your small, 4ft wife in the kitchen every night? If not, what were all the scratch marks on the wall paper around the door frame & light?

Blimey, there's some shocking stuff on this thread

Oh yes, and that spongy bit in the garden. Where it felt a bit "springy".

Why go to the trouble of burying your old mattress instead of walking it 100 yards down the road to the tip?

WHY did you paint the livingroom white with a lilac stripe that was different widths on different walls?
WHY the woodchip?? why? The walls were fine underneath, or would have been if the dodgy plastering didn't fall down when I steamed the woodchip
WHY artex one wall in the small bedroom so badly it cut my hand (seriously, think sharp icing waves)
WHY oh WHY wallpaper artex effect on the ceiling? Badly?
WHY all the layers of different coloured paint on the doorframes?
WHY build a wall around the pipes, then build a shelf so the sink ended up halfway in the bathroom?
WHY the wonky velux??
WHY did you paint your bathroom bright yellow then superglue coloured glass beads to the walls? It looked like a circus tent.
WHY stick 3 ceramic dolphins on the wall too?

why did you live in such a pigsty for 20 years and left dog poo on the floor for us?

why did you make the airing cupboard bigger and so make the (only) bathroom smaller?

Peppermint Patty - I swear its true. I was so skint (first house, on my own after leaving uni), it was over a year before I could afford to decorate. Bugged the hell out of me as my TV was a different size and it was obvious.

Why did you have mismatched wallpaper borders at varying heights in each room of the house, and why oh why were they stuck to the walls with bloody silicone??

Why did you not tell us about the leaky roof? Hiding it behind a bit of plaster board in the attic with a bucket behind it wasn't very nice was it?

Why you somehow attached tubing for the dishwasher to tubing for the upstairs loo, which resulted in a very wierd smell in the kitchen when anyone flushed the loo......? Was that hygienic?

Why, why, why, did you artex every ceiling and put textured wallpaper on every wall? Actually, I know because it all needed re-plastered you fuckers.

Why did you take out a lovely Victorian fire place 30 years ago and replace it with something out of an Argos catalogue?

Why did you sell the flat to us with appliances included. The day after we moved in I had to buy a washing machine and fridge. We kept our fingers crossed that the cooker didn't explode whilst we saved up for a new one.

Oh and the boiler was on it's last legs too.

Seriously Stripeyknickers??

PMSL

Now that's bad

Why, when we asked you whether the heating bills were big, did you not say you didn't get any bills because you had "fixed" the gas meter to make sure that no bills came, and truthfully you had no idea how much it cost to heat the house?

The answer, by the way is A Lot.

stleger - carpet up side of bath - yes, snape, 2, plus one sunken bath surrounded* by carpet

Why the Custard Yellow?
EveryFuckingWhere
Why??
What posessed you???

When you converted the garage to a living room did you not consider to cap off the sewer properly before puttng laminate down or did you think that the laminate would hold back the stench when the sewer overflowed under the floor boards?

Did you not think that bypassing the fuse box entirely from the lighting circuit was potentially lethal or did you just think it would make he lights brighter?

The house had been empty for a few weeks before we moved in, but it was a great idea to leave your bathroom window open so your fecking homing pigeons used it as a pigeon loft.

OMG the pigeon shit had to be seen to be believed.

And I never did work out the reason for the curry stains on the lounge ceiling.

Why when you painted your the sitting room could you not be arsed to move the TV and instead painted round it leaving a TV shape/size patch of wall in a totally different colour?

DEcor crimes inflicted on my house:

-Artex on all ceilings

-All the kitchen cupboards are so narrow there's nowhere to put dinner plates

-Old sash windows painted shut, so you can no longer open them

-carpet on the bathroom floor, I agree with you all - it STINKS and is very unhygenic. WHY?

-anaglypta wallpaper. It's a bugger to get off

Minty, if my parents weren't still living in the house they'd done this too, I'd think you were living there I have no idea why they've done this, but they seem to think its nice

Why did you put a woollen glove down the bath drain? Really, why did you shove it down there?

Why did you not only carpet the bathroom floor, but when you got to cutting round the bath you carpeted up the bath? And how are you still married when you must have had massive rows to have broken all those small panes of glass in internal doors? And why did the neighbours like you so much?

Why do the bedrooms used by your 2 youngest children have locks on the outside?

Although I do find them rather useful...

Why did you install double glazed windows that do not fit the holes? (and leave a pile of leftover windows next to the shed)

Why was there an old school lavatory door in the garage? (along with lots of other crap you had stolen aquired from the school where you were deputy head.)

Why did you install all the plumbing with push rubber fittings (lots of leaks.)

Why is the driveway crappy crazy paving?

Why did you install a posh wet room then not slope the floor adequately so it floods into the hall way every time it is used?

Why were all the doors upstairs painted green on the outside and a different colour on the inside?

Why is there a strange shingle bed next to the patio in the back garden? Did you run out of paving stones?

AHHHHHHH! that's better!

Why did you tell me that the reason it took the bath 1 hour to fill was due to low water pressure?

Didn't you think that it might be all of the rubbish that was in the hot water tank obstructing the pipe?!

How did you manage with no shower and 4 dcs?

Why did you insist on DIY, when you clearly had no aptitude for it? If you'd have paid tradespeople the electrics would not have been potentially lethal and the toilets would not have flushed with hot water (don't ask me how I discovered this).