Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!

I am howling with laughter at these

felt like a mentalist for a long time.

L
M
A
O

Was it me though? If I see someone i know at a bustop and offer al ift, I do the same to whoever also waiting.

i was waiting at a bus stop once, a car drew up with someone i vaguely recognised driving. he yelled out 'want a lift' at which i jumped in the car and someone else jumped in the back. a few miles down the road i realised it wasn't the person i thought it was but a random stranger. the woman in the back was the one who had been offered a lift.
i asked to be dropped off at the next traffic lights.

pagwatch - I think you may be pregnant.

My wife used to say the most bizarre things when pregnant. She would often insert a sub clause, that had no logical flow, right in the middle of a completely unrelated sentence.

Not being sexist - she really did do this. It was quiet frightening at times.

I am meant to be preparing tomorrows lessons, but I can't see for the tears streaming down my face.

I was on playground duty recently and a child came up and called me by the TA's name. I said "I am not Mrs X I am Mrs Y" (another TA), realising my mistake I hurridly said "no I'm not I'm Mrs Z". The child was most amused at my inability to know who I was.

We used to have a restaurant and the 'sleb' Nick Hancock came in for dinner with some friends.

When he was leaving I went to get his coat and had a chat with him at the door. He was very nice and friendly and as he left he leaned towards me and so I kissed him!! ..........he looked so nonplussed and I realised he was trying to prise his coat out of my arms!!!!

MP - in my first job, I was a receptionist and mostly dealt with people over the phone. We didnt get a lot of people into the office.

One day, 2 people came in. I got them to sit down, then I stood there and asked "Who is calling please?"

the LOOK they gave me

I still go hot with shame over 15 years later!

God am wheezing like asthmatic elderly Siamese cat.
It was Thomcat who had the run in with the guy with an artificial larynx.

My (foreign) dbil went for some sort of marketing job to do with vacuums. Sister spent hours helping him to research the topic, talk about hoovers fluently and so on.

When he got there and started wittering about suction and whathaveyou they looked somewhat disconcerted and said
'These are er......industrial vacuums.' It was some sort of weird shit to do with physics and research,Gawd knows exactly what.

He still got the job and spent 10 very happy years with them.

lol @ these

I often pick up the phone and say "I'm just calling to say...." errrrrrrr no I'm NOT fecking idiot

When I was a love struck teenager I was woken up from a day dream in class by a question from my (very scary and strict) A-level History teacher. With no idea what the question was I immediately paniced and shouted out the name of the last thing I had been thinking about- DP! I tried to gather my thoughts but just shouted his name out again even louder... I might have even shouted it a third time.

I was so very

brilliant thread, love all of you who have confessed to moments of, um, entirely understandable confusion.

Like kitbit, I once told my boss 'love you' by mistake instead of 'bye'.

Once wittering in a job interview, was saying something about motivating the team (department was being 'restructured' i.e. people had been sacked). Realised I'd got a bit carried away and said, of course, you wouldn't want to go too far and get all American about it. As the words came out of my mouth, I suddenly wondered why I'd never asked whether the head honcho was actually American or Canadian...

She had a sense of humour, though. and I got the job! (Turned out she was from California.)

I went into the mother and baby room the other day at morrisons, thought I had locked the main door, went to the loo with door open so I could chat to Ds2 in buggy, stood up and another mum walked in I hadn't locked the door at all.. sooo embarrassing

Sorry!
It went to preview so I re-posted ... What a thing to do on a 'daft things I've done' thread

LOL Hecate - you just reminded me of my dad when it was his surprise 50th birthday ...
He'd been told he was going to a Christmas Party at his friend's social club (his birthday is in December, just to clarify ). We were all waiting for him to come in but his friend brought him thru the wrong door and he saw us all looking the other way! All we could hear was my dad, behind us, saying "Hold on - we're in the wrong place, these people are waiting for someone!"

LOL Hecate - you just reminded me of my dad when it was his surprise 50th birthday ...
He'd been told he was going to a Christmas Party at his friend's social club (his birthday is in December, just to clarify ). We were all waiting for him to come in but his friend brought him thru the wrong door and he saw us all looking the other way! All we could hear was my dad, behind us, saying "Hold on - we're in the wrong place, these people are waiting for someone!"

no. I said it as though he had said "hello hecate" and I had replied "hello Bob."

A cheery, friendly greeting.

Hecate, did you say it really sarcastically? as though he were a pushy waitron!!

haha! Stuff like that is easily done. I remember my 30th birthday. I thought I was going for a drive and then a meal with dh, but he had arranged a surprise for me - all our friends waiting at the restaurant!

I walked in, they started cheering. I didn't realise who they were at first (I have a problem recognising people! Especially if I am not expecting them to be somewhere, iyswim) but dh guided me over and I realised what was happening! Anyway, one of them, let's call him Bob, said "Happy Birthday Hecate"

And I replied...

"happy birthday Bob."

Oh the shame.

I accidentally kissed my (now ex) friends new boyfriend on the mouth. He kindly dropped me at the station as he was passing it and I dont know why but I leaned over to kiss him socially goodbye on the cheek, he wasnt expecting it and moved his head so I kissed him smack on the lips in the front of his car. Mortifying. She is the jealous type and I never heard from her again

As far as I recall, we both did the very English thing of saying sorry a number of times. I'm quite sure she apologized to me too. What is that about?

When you said "I thought your head was the fence" did she say "ah, well, that explains everything!"

I love these threads Rather than simply reassuring the OP that they aren't a complete fruit cake, everyone grabs the opportunity to relate their own personal horror story, despite the fact that they probably would prefer it not to have happened in the first place.

She was quite gracious I blushed to my navel.

oh funny!! did she mind?