Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

Snort at BC.
How coud he not notice and how could you confuse the arses??

How many threads will i kill?

I am like this - even when starting to learn french and you have to go around the class saying my name is.... in French I got my name wrong. The laughter still haunts me. Its just nerves I know but it it's awful when you get so nervous.

LOL so much my bump is hurting. These sort of threads are no good for heavily pregnant women.

The most embarrasing thing I've ever done is pinch + stroke my dad's bum thinking it was DH My dad didn't react and pretended nothing happened.

these are fantastic! more laughing out loud here..dh is wondering what the hell i'm reading!'

beautiful....you ledgend! love your story!

Rhubarb - yes I met her loads more times. They went out for years. It was hell.

Just read your train story to DH and he doubled over!

beautiful!

OMG, I don't think I've ever been that much of a drunken state to do that!

Did you ever meet her again?

No Kitten, it's a goody.

which actually isn't nearly as funny as the rest of the thread

i was doin some door to door work once and forgot which side of the door i was on so to speak.

a guy opened the door and i said " yes? can i help you?" he was aa confused as me.

Beautiful - I am literally PMSL. Thanks for that!!

stop - you lot are killing me!! Am sat here by myself giggling insanely.

Have had a slightly awkward day myself - am running on not enough sleep.

Tonight I was talking to my mum on the phone. She has some very serious health concerns atm but I was trying to get dd bathed. I've been on the phone for much of the day trying to get info out of various officials so ended our phone call with a very distracted 'well thank you very much for that - bye'. My poor Mum must have been

Beautiful!!!!!!!
Are you insane???????

'Sadly for everyone, I kept drinking the mulled wine.'

Barking!

Mine's really bad. A friend of mine makes me re-tell this story every time I see him.

OK.

It was Christmas. My brother was deeply in love with his new Christian GF and wanted me to meet her. So he brought her along - with her 13-year-old daughter - to what was supposed to be an "elegant" little Christmas drinks party at my house.

Privately, I was a bit stressed and nervous about the party so I'd started early on the mulled wine. When brother, GF and daughter arrived, I was just at the merry stage so made a big fuss of them and then chatted to them all evening, being all lively and nice.

Sadly for everyone, I kept drinking the mulled wine.

10pm, they decide to go home. FOR SOME REASON, as I rocked on my heels, I thought it would be hilarious if I said goodbye in a pretend-nasty way. ???? My reasoning (such as I was capable of) was something like: We had all obviously got on very well, so wouldn't it be funny if I ironically pretended that we hadn't?

So, I turned first to my brother's new, quiet, deeply religious GF and said, with a huge smile, "Well, goodbye then, you f**king bitch."

THEN, I turned to her 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER and thinking it'd be even funnier if I upped the ante on this one "And goodbye to you, you f*king c*t."

Stunned, shocked silence all round, which I only broke by falling over.

It took months of carefully crafted apology emails to even get me nearly out of that one. I still die remembering it.

My next door neighbour came to introduce herself to me just after I had moved in. She said "hello, I'm Jane" I replied "hello, I'm Jane, err no I'm not I'm benfmsmum!" We both then stood and looked at each other not really knowing what to say after that!!

My dh worked in Chernobyl for a few years.On first visit, they (mistakenly) thoguht he was a VIP and to his horror as he arrrived at station with interpeter there was a whole welcome committee. Kids' choir, bread and salt, local bigwigs, tv cameras, the works.

He was however feeling really queasy after an odd meal the night before. As he walked into the town hall, feeling he was in a bad dream, he realised he was gonig to vomit, rushed across the room and did so.

Room full of Ukraininians just went silent..........

at Three's dh.

Rhubarb! I'm dying.

Was thinking about re-fencing at bottom of yard of previous house, so went round to adjoining neighbour to discuss. Got house next door by mistake, but woman who answered door was very friendly, pointed out the right door, then said - oh your friends with x aren't you' so we had a bit of a chat about x. Then knocked on right door, got no answer, went home to write a note, returned, yes, put it into the first woman's mailbox 'knock knock, it's the f-wit again'

rofl at these!

I used to work for an accessories company and went to the US to visit the stockists and explain to sales staff how the merchandise was designed/made etc. I'd usually just talk with 6-7 people and it was always really enjoyable.

BUT...at one v. exclusive department store, every single member of staff had been gathered together, from fashion to homewares, to hear my spiel. I went into Porky Pig mode and stammered and spluttered my way through. And at the very end, after any questions, said "thanks for listening. See you later. Oh, but I won't, because I'm going back to London now. So...see you later. Oh, err". DDDUUUUURRRR.

DH also had a problem with goodbyes. At the end of an interview he looked the interviewer straight in the eye, shook his hand, and said "hello".

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I'm nearly crying laughing. I can just picture myself doing the same. I hope I don't or I might remember this and fall about on the floor wetting myself!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd have wondered who the hell you were...! Am amazed they never said anything!

neither of them said anything either. why? wouldn't you?
am so glad i've never kissed my boss. would never be able to go back. ever.

ROFL, DisasterArea..

We have a family joke here about DP who was once on the phone to his brother's horrid girlfriend. He was waiting for his bro to come downstairs and just passing the time of day with gf. So he for no reason at all said to her: "Ah, sprange then." This is not funny to anyone else but it makes me have tears of laughter run down my face.