Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

Scheebly, you made me dribble a bit from laughing!!
The whole 'forgetting-the-newborns-name', I've done that....
I was forever saying his name over in my head when we took him out, just incase someone asked what it was and I couldn't remember. It would quite often be the first word to fall out of my mouth, regardless of what the other person said.
A shop assistant asked if I needed a bag - I replied with my sons name...
Or if I was caught off guard I'd make it up

Oh, and I STILL give his date of birth instead of mine, regularly.

Hilarious all of you!
Hilarious Do carry on!

ROFL so much that I really don't want this thread to die EVER!

For me it's my MIL that always seems to feature....

After spotting her wandering round R Toy store absentmindely leaving her handbag exposed, I thought it would be great, (yes GREAT) fun to pretend to mug her! Picture a lovely little 70year old lady with bulging eyes gripping onto the handle of her little old bag clearly too terrified to speak. The only thing that broke the moment was my little DS calling out her name. Soooooo....

To make up for it I offerred to buy theatre tickets for the Grumpy Old Women Show as she loved it so much. She was delighted and I thought of it as an opportunity to bond over a girly night out. I phoned the box office who informed me that it was all sold out, desperate not to be a total let down DIL, and to avoid her getting the impression that I might have just copped out, I asked for tickets to see just ANY show for around that week. We arrived, took our seats and the show began - remember that MIL is in her 70's.... The show was The Vagina Monologues! I died that night.

Ah. Hi there.

And then there's the time she was in the living room, my dad was laying on the sofa and the rabbit was on the chair. Now this rabbit was FAT! You know that big bit they have at the front? His was MASSIVE and it was overhanging the chair.

My dad is also a VERY big man. (This is important information.)

So when my sister looked at the rabbit and said...

"My GOD! Look at that great roll of fat hanging off the settee"

My father simply refused to believe that she had actually meant to say "chair" because she was referring to the rabbit.

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my sister.

She was out for the evening and got chatting to a bloke she knew. Now this bloke was very hard to understand normally, plus he was drunk, plus the music was loud, so really she couldn't hear a thing.

This man was normally a joker, so he was talking away in animated fashion and my sister, thinking it must be his usual type of conversation, kept punctuating his conversation with laughter.

Anyway, I'm not sure how (I think someone who could understand, told her) but it transpired that he had in fact been telling her about his near fatal motorbike accident that had left him disabled.

I cringe at that one, so god knows how she feels!!

Message withdrawn

DH and I always say; 'love you' to each other when we put the phone down. It's obviously become a habit because DH accidentally said it to the guy at the pizza delivery last night....

Loving idea of 'mum boss' and 'dad boss' too.What the hell was he doing??

Ok I used to be a live in nanny and have so many mortifying stories.
One was after a year of living with one family, I opened a closed bathroom door (why why why!!!) to reveal my dad boss naked sitting on the edge of the bath legs wide open one resting on the side of the bath facing the door. We just stared ast each other for a full 30 seconds until I tore my eyes away and backed out. I continued to work and live with them another year it was never once mentioned.
I always wondered what my mum boss saw in him, well I didn't wonder after that day I can tell you!

Ok I used to be a live in nanny and have so many mortifying stories.
One was after a year of living with one family, I opened a closed bathroom door (why why why!!!) to reveal my dad boss naked sitting on the edge of the bath legs wide open one resting on the side of the bath facing the door. We just stared ast each other for a full 30 seconds until I tore my eyes away and backed out. I continued to work and live with them another year it was never once mentioned.
I always wondered what my mum boss saw in him, well I didn't wonder after that day I can tell you!

After the birth of DS1 my friend visited me in the hospital just as the Obstetrician was making his rounds.

We were chatting as this gorgeous man came around the curtains and when he said, 'Hello then, who do we have here?' I said 'Oh hello, this is my best friend Anne'.
He gave a bemused smile and said 'Pleased to meet you Anne but I was actually asking about the baby'.

I was, and still am mortified.

I have had tears of laughter at this thread, thank you.

Hilarious Saadia!!

I used to work at a shopping centre where the voice over lady said once over the tannoy "please visit our garden centre for some lovely begonias....see you later bye bye!"

I still laugh when I think about that.

These are all so funny, I have many cringeable moments and the one that comes to mind is when I went on holiday to Istanbul with a friend. We went to a tourist site (an old building, can't remember which) and she had just had a dodgy burger. In the taxi on the way back she felt queasy and sick and I was worried that she would throw up.

So, I was a bit befuddled when it came to paying the driver and I hadn't totally got to grips with the local currency. I was giving him some paltry sum and he was refusing to take it. I thought it was because I was giving too much money and he was being too polite to take it so I kept saying "no, no please take it I insist", when in actual fact he was demanding the correct fare.

PMSL..literally

These are fantastic

I have a few.

I often forget how old I am but not just by one year, oh no. When I was 23 I told someone I was 19 (and believed it for a minute)Wishful thinking probably!

When DS1 was a tiny baby and people asked me what he was called I could never remember because DH and I called all sorts of stupid pet names all the time. I would find myself telling an old lady in the street that my baby was called "Spatula"

In my younger days had several jobs which had me rather befuddled. I would be answering the telephones at the local radio station with "Good evening, Golden Ocean?"

Beautiful, that is hilarious. Am going to be snorting about that all day!

years ago my parents took my db and I to the Edinburgh dungeons - I think db was about 8. Anyway, it was really creepy, dark, images of torture and all manner of scary stuff..my db had been running ahead of us and decided to hide behind the exit door to jump out at us as we were leaving...

only we spotted what he was planning and hung back, letting another couple go in front of us, hence they went through the exit first....so db leapt out, screaming 'BOOOOOOOOOO!' at this poor unsuspecting pair....they almost fainted with horror.

was v v v funny

Oh, my best recent one was when I was heavily pregnant with ds2 - was having a check-up with the nurse and a trainee doctor who was there for the experience. Anyway, The nurse had examined me internally and asked if I minded if the young male trainee also examined me. Feeling gracious I agreed, so, heels together, I let my knees fall to the side...the whole way through the examination my knee was nestled cosily in his crotch while he had a good feel about inside me...I couldn't move and just lay there pretending it wasn't happening. I could feel everything with my knee. Oh God, I was mortified.

Pag - I did similar, introduced my dh as 'and this is my partner'
He gave me a very odd look - we had been married 5 years, no idea why I said it

I was browsing mumsnet during my lunchbreak at work and was engrossed. When the office phone rang I picked it up and said : ''Hello Mumsnet. How can I help you...''

Cue much bafflement on the end of the line!

My work company name begins with M so....

This is not so much embarrassing but worrying:

A few weeks after moving to the US, I had a bit too much to drink. I got in the car to go to work in the morning and tried to put the key in the ignition but it wouldn't go in. I wiggled it around and tried again and again before it dawned on me that I was sitting in the passenger seat so there was no ignition I think I decided to walk to work.

I love this thread. I keep remembering all the cringey things I have done:

My friend stayed over after a night out and I drove her home in the morning. When I pulled up outside her house, she leaned over to hug me goodbye and I plonked a big kiss on her cheek. It was alsmost much worse but thankfully, at the last minute, I thought, 'wtf am I doing?' and changed direction from her lips to her cheek. I have no idea why I was trying to kiss her

Also, on meeting my mum's new neighbour a few years ago, rather than just saying "Hi, I'm SuperBunny" I lunged at him and kissed his cheek. My parents barely knew this poor man.

I seem to want to kiss people.

These are so brill, i've just come home from an absolute shit day and they have cheered me up no end.
My bfdoes some of the best cringey things and i heart her for it. She was going on a train journey and stopped and bought her self some biscuits and a coffee, got on the train and found a seat with a table. There was a man sitting opposite, she sat down and opened the biscuits and noticed the bloke really staring at her and then taking one of her biscuits she just stared back at him and had another one. This went on for a while and she thought the guy was a complete weirdo but didn't say anything, when it came to her stop she got off, put her hand in her pocket and realised she still had her biscuits. To this day is still horribly . I love it.
She also introduced herself to her sons friends dad by saying "oh your Adams dad i'm bobs dad".
I couldn't keep a straight face she was mortified.

When I was about 9, I was wandering along the street with my family and put my hand out to hold my mum's hand. She pulled away so I grabbed it again and felt her tug away. I turned to see why she wouldn't hold my hand only to find it was not my mother but some poor old lady. My parents had stopped several meters behind and were pissing themselves laughing at me