Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

I was trying to get some parents to buy raffle tickets today for an Easter hamper, but everytime i asked someone it came out as Xmas hamper and they kept correcting me.
But i found it upsetting to myself that i did not even realise that i said Xmas instead of Easter.
I know i'm 40 this year but what will i be like at 60?
My excuse is that i've got so much going on in my head that i haven't got room for things like asking for donations

Now that we're into the realms of spilling the beans on the fellow F-wits that we know and love... will share with you a habit of my DH who has actually done this a number of times...

I pull up and wait in car, engine running, at local supermarket cash point. DH goes and collects cash then turns and gets into the wrong car, sits in front passenger seat, looks around and usually notices something unfamiliar about it, e.g. cigarette packets then turns and gets out. Ladies usually take this surprisingly well and don't tend to scream at the strange man in their car but the last time it was quite a large man in the driving seat and poor DH almost wet himself!

My DF also does some wonderful form filling mistakes. He's put my mother's DOB incorrectly on a number of forms, and once said that his DOB was 31 November. Bless him.

I've just remembered a rather mortifying one.

At Uni, there were two guys who were best friends, lived together, were similar looking and had the same name. Only, I didn't know this. I thought that there was just one Bob, not two. So, I chatted to Bob 1 and 2 on numerous occassions thinking they were the same person, and assumed that I had a level of acquaintance with that was higher than I thought.
So, one night I went out with a friend, saw Bob 1 (thinking it was Bob 1 and Bob 2) and started chatting to him. He looked a bit confused at times, particularly as to why I was so friendly, but went along with it. Ended up going with him to a club and snogging him(as one does). A couple of days later when I saw Bob 1 and 2 together I realised my mistake (but I did fancy Bob 1 more than Bob 2, so not a total loss. Bob 1 could do magic tricks).

I also spelled my name wrong on the wedding register so my marriage certificates are spelled wrong too. It's only my middle name which does have accents in it but still

I spelt my name wrong in the wedding register!

I also phoned my friend's mum's house and asked to speak to myself.

I was in a lift with some colleagues, recounting an anecdote about a pissed-up undergrad game of attempting to swallow whole creme caramels.

Just as I was demonstrating the required creme-caramel swallowing technique - bending forward, hair held back in the nape of the neck - declaring in ringing tones "Then you just suck the whole thing in and swallow in one long gulp" - the door opened to admit my (male)boss.

Much macho guffawing and me going bright-red and gibbering.

If you get your children's names and DOB wrong when phoning NHS direct you can hear the suspicions being transmitted down the phone line ...

I know what you mean Bumper. My personal fear is when in a big meeting and we have to go around the table and say who we are and where we are from. I sit there paralysed knowing that when my turn comes I will forget who I am and where I work. No idea why, I am otherwise very comfortable talking in large meetings....

Am I the only one (well, judging by this thread I'm probably not) who gets really nervous when asked to give their DOB or address for verification, like at the pharmacy or something? I must look so dodgy because I suddenly go blank and hesitate before reeling what I hope is my current address and not my last one.

OH god, I do this sort of thing all the time, I'm not generally a shy or nervous person but I get caught off guard. I'm especially bad on the phone.

My confession is that I spelt my name wrong on my job application form . I still do it all the time now, I swap two of the letters around when I am typing, every time (fortunately the spell check now picks it up). Anyway, I somehow got the job and when I started work my name associated with my email would come up with the wrong spelling and one of my colleagues blamed the IT department and rang them up to get them to change it. I kept silent!

I think I surpassed myself last weekend.

I thought curtseying at a policeman was my moment of shame, but no, I met up with a lovely mumsnetter, got far far too drunk and tried to climb into bed with her and her DP. I still have the battle scars from where I misjudged the edge of the bed and landed with a thud. (you know who you are, sorry yet again )

Lawks - I think I might have permanantly lost the power to breathe properly after reading your post. In fact I think I might be hyperventilating or drowning or have a collpased lung or something.

Uttlerly ing - but a good one nevertheless.

I've told this before on Mumsnet but it is appropriate for this thread so... DH was round at my parents house for Sunday lunch (he was newish boyfriend at the time), as he was putting some butter on his vegetables my mum asked, rather loudly, "Are you sure your knob is big enough?", she is one of lifes innocents and had no idea why we all ended up sorting and going bright red.

Haven't laughed so much in ages. Posted this one relatively recently so apologies but went to hospital couple weeks ago with DH for him to have a check up. After he'd seen the consultant he went off to have blood taken, various tests etc. Meanwhile, gorgeous doc asks to see me alone so I can tell him how I think dh is doing. We are alone in a small office, and I am suddenly overcome by the close proximity of very lovely doc, and start being all pathetic and giggly and tossing my head in winning fashion (yes, ok, who am I kidding) - and bang it hard on wall behind me. Oh my god, so embarrassing ....

Shortly after having dc4 (a boy) a woman came up to me and said "oh, you've had the baby, congratulations, you had a girl didn't you?" I had no idea whatsoever who she was and so was distracted trying to puzzle it out so I answered "yes" about having had a girl. Then she asked me what we had called her. Still trying to think who on earth she was, I replied "Joseph". Cue long silence on both our parts ....

My friend moved to a large house in a small village. Shortly after moving her and her husband were walking the lanes nearby and saw a man cutting the grass verges on a sit on mower thingy. Thinking this a good chance to get someone to come and help them cut their own huge lawn they asked the man what his rates per hour were. Turns out he was the local lord of the manor not the local handyman ....

I was working in an Oxfam shop with a young lad who was there as some sort of rehabilitation thing. He seemed a nice lad, obviously gone off the rails at some point. A bit monosylabic as young lads are. We were spending a long and boring afternoon sorting through the back room. We'd been chatting earlier about how some customers were so rude and how it would be nice to have the confidence to be firm and call people on their rudeness, but the reality is you just smile politely and fume silently.

Someone brought us a coffee and we sat down to drink it. A comfortable silence elapsed. My mind was still racing away on the subject of standing up for oneself. Suddenly I blurted out loudly, in my ringingly posh voice, and (as far as he was concerned) a propos of nothing...

"GOD, I'M SO WET!!" and looked meaningfully at him.

I've had a habit of deciding, after a glass or two, to pick drinking battles with unlikely candidates. When I say unlikely, I mean these two- hard drinking 20 stone bloke I remember now only as Ian but was a friend of my then boyfriend and T, still friend 6'4" 24 stone ahrd drinking mate of DH's.

Surprisingly I drank Ian under the table. The reason for this is that I never pass out. After that I tried to walk home, forgetting it was 20 miles. Second time we were at a friend's 4oth, country house, pyramids of wine glasses..... hour later sat with dh (then new dh) and turned round without warning and threw up all over him.

I now have to remind myself when I go out, esp. to incredibly posh venues with decent people who know how to have a glas or two and concerse intelligently, that it is not my eprsonal role tolocate the alrgst bloke in the building then attempt the demise of the entire free bar

(Fortunately the snobby niiice dahlinks lady who copped the country house incident ran off with the builder a week after, somewhat trumping my embarassment massively.)

When I was in my last job, I used to pass the same woman in the corridor every day, I didn't know her properly as we were in different departments, but every morning she used to say "Hello, how are you?" or something similar and I'd reply. Anyway, one morning I saw her coming towards me and automatically piped up "I'm fine thanks, and you?" The poor woman hadn't said a word! She must've thought I was insane!

I also automatically put xxx at the end of every message I write on mumsnet, but luckily I've always realised my mistake before posting!

I got a new boss last year. I have no idea why, but I can't remember his name. He just doesn't look like a XYZ and it doesn't flow properly in my brain - even now I always find myself pausing for 2-3 seconds before I speak to him so that I don't get it wrong.

However, just before Christmas we had a boozy staff night out, he lives on the same train line as me but further out, we got on the same train but it wasn't stopping where he needed it so he said he'd change at a much earlier stop.

We get to this stop, he gets off, as he does so and wanders across the platform, we have an onboard announcement saying this will be the last train running that night.

I yell out the door "Bob! Bob! You need to get back on this train! Bob! Bo-ooooob!! Bob, why aren't you paying me any attention? Bob? Oh shit, your name's not Bob, it's Mike! Mike!!"

The whole train just fell about laughing... Oh boy was I - but at least he didn't get stranded.... (I tell myself that to make myself feel better but i still cringe at the memory)

Heated - was he from Narfuk by any chance? My father got confused when he phoned by Dr Who's secretary to change an appointment...

pmsl

Was at a party & asked this man his name and he answered "Who?", I said "Yours", He replied "Who?"... I then spoke very deliberately and loudly thinking he was hard of hearing.

He was called Hugh.

Oh... I just remembered one... (the anti-d's must have cut out)...

Many years ago I went out with a friend who knew a ton of people and introduced me to many of them on the same night. About a month later I started a new job, which meant starting a new walk to work. So, I saw this guy on the corner of a particular street at the same time each morning and he looked familiar (I should probably point out that I'm really not that good at faces). So after a couple of days, thinking he was this guy my friend had introduced me to the previous week, I said 'good morning'. He looked a bit startled, but said 'good morning' back.

Obviously, it was a complete stranger. The following week I was reintroduced to the guy I thought he was, and he looked nothing like. In the meantime, I spent 2 and half years randomly wishing a complete stranger good morning, on the same fecking corner, every fecking morning...

this is the funniest thread ever