Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?

Was in supermarket and left trolley in middle of aisle to pick up a few items. Returned, put them in my trolley and continued on my way. Women says "excuse me, that's my trolley"

Apologised, took my items out and looked around for my trolley - there it was with my 18month dd in the seat - I hadn't even noticed that she wasn't in the new trolley.

Rhubarb - that happened to me once (tho i was only doing a wee!) on my way home from work.
Luckily i wasn't on my usual train and was a bit squiffy due to Christmas drinks.
Was mortifying more the next morning when i was sober enought to cringe.

I never use toilets on public transport now.

Notsoclever's part 2 gets my vote for being the funniest!! Although there are many others that are very, very close behind her!!Tis a great thread and I agree it shouldn't disappear!

I got halfway through this thread and have had to stop. I am supposed to be writing an essay on history and identity and instead I am rocking back and forth in my chair with my face screwed up in pain and tears rolling down my cheeks, trying not to make any noise that would alert DH, who is working on the other side of the wall, to the fact that I am reading this thread instead of working.
Oh god, this is the funniest thread ever.

GENUINELY and not figuratively had to choke myself with tea then in preference to spraying it on said keyboard at KayHarker twiddling an old ladies hair at the mall...

have only got a third of the way through this thread but am crying on my keyboard with the kind of laughter that makes you wheeze and grimace like a Kamikaze Muttley where no sound comes out and your shoulders shake. God if someone knocked on the door.

Has cheered me up no end but I fear for my keyboard the amount of snot that is in my nose. I don't know if I dare continue...

I nipped out to the supermarket whilst dp parked the car and waited for me.

A few minutes later,chuffed with purchasing my Tesco goodies,I dashed back to the car and got into the passenger seat.

"You wouldn't BELIEVE how busy it was in there!" I declared to dp.

Only it wasn't him.

I had got into some random blokes car (NOT EVEN THE SAME MAKE) Who was obviously waiting for his OH.

I was so

The guy just sat there looking astounded,whilst I wanted to sink through the floor with mortification.After several muttered apologies I rapidly exited the car,walked 2 cars down to where DP was in fact waiting.

He was PHSL.

Oh the shame!

When I was about 8 or 9 my brother and I went to new youth group, and, for some reason I kept introducing myself as his brother. I had probably intended to say that he was my brother. Trouble was that I have a completely obscure name, this was the 70s so lots of boys had hair longer than me, and I tended to wear trousers in any case. So for quite a few years (until the evidence became obvious, IYSWIM) almost everyone there thought I was a boy, and I used to get into such trouble if I was caught going to the loo!

I haver never quite recovered professionally from days working on a local newspaper.
We had a load of photos in from a dull royal visit to some dull factory. The photographer had not done any captions, and the snaps were not very good quality, with many many people in them, so the other sub-editors and I were were crowded round the pictures identifying the big-wigs.

''That's definitely Auntie Anne'' I asserted confidentally.

Everyone looked very impresssed.

It was of course, Princess Anne.

I do have an Auntie Anne. But she is an Oxfam-shop worker from Gateshead. Not related to the Queen.

lolol at Beautiful

Beautiful, I love your cake story....

I've just nominated this for Classics - it really shouldn't disappear!

In the autumn last year, we got up early-ish on a Sunday, had breakfast, and got ourselves and kids out of house because we wanted to go to a local museum that gets quite crowded at the weekends. When we get to the museum, to my outrage, the gates are still locked. I check the opening times, and then ring the intercom. Someone answers and I snottily ask why the gates aren't open as it is 9 o'clock, and their sign says that they open at 9. The man on the intercom reminds me that they open at 9. I insist that it is 9, and they should open the gates. The man then says it is 8. I say, 'well, my watch says it is 9!'. He then says, 'have you put your clocks back yet?' - cue embarrassed silence from me...

I have only just read through the whole thread-Beautiful, the story about you and your christmas party has made me cry laughing ....and when Lawks came along I was completely done for...I hope this gets into Classics.

My friend called a builder in to look at a deep crack (you can see where this is going) that had appeared in the wall of her house. It was behind a big shrub.

The builder arrives and, without thinking, friend says: "Can you part my bush and look at my crack?"

my mum was in my sister's car, stuck in traffic

she says' I,m just going to nip in the bank, I'll jump back in'

she did jump back in, but someone else's red peugot 306 that was 3 cars back from my sister

The daft bint didn't even notice it wasn't my sister, just started ranting about bank charges

That poor driver's face, she was TERRIFIED that some crazy mad ranting woman had hijacked her car

was hilarious

My estate agents finnished a conversation with me saying "See ya later, love ya, byyyeee" in a sing song voice.

When I was a teenager, my mum took me on a trip to my aunts summer house on a remote island somewhere. We had take a boat the last part of the way, and had an hours wait by a pier. We met an elderly lady and her son, who turned out to be friends of my grandma. Later the same year my grandma passed away. We had the wake at our house. These two people came. My aunt, not knowing who they were asked me about them:

"QS, who are those people?"
"Oh, just some folks we met on the pier when we came to see you last summer"

She looked mortified and went to get the full story from my mum.

3 of my favourites... (part 3)

My Dad...

Lady next door (Maggie) had a birds nest in her garden but unfortunately the baby birds had tried to learn to fly when it was raining and they had all drowned in a puddle.

Following year, sitting at the dinner table, my Dad said: "Oh look, Maggie's got her tits in the birdbox again."

3 of my favourites... (part 2)

At a meeting where one guy was late...

Boss: "anyone know about Dave?"

Me: " I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, and he made noises as though he was coming."

Everyone else in the room: "

3 of my favourites... (part 1)

Friends were leaving one evening,and I was on the doorstep - meant to wave goodbye and started clapping instead

Apparently the two areas in your brain are closely connected. Didn't stop my other friends from falling about laughing however.

Got to bump this 'cos it made me weep with laughter.

I know it's a bit late, but unless your friend is Douglas Adams he/she has been telling you porkies with that biscuit story ithinkimtallandblonde

When DS1 started school, I was ridiculously over-excited at the thought of the Cake Sales, because I'm just so wonderful at baking.

When the first one came around, I was a mixture of ambition and disorganisation. I wanted to make something fabulous but forgot to buy any ingredients. The night before the Sale, I eventually found a recipe that I had all the stuff for, something called a "Treacle Spice traybake", so I made that.

But that wasn't enough. I wanted everyone to know that I had made this delicious cake, so I also made a DISPLAY BOX for it!, out of cardboard, which said "Treacle Spice Traybake, made by Beautiful, DS1's Mummy!"

Oh God.

In the morning the traybake looked a bit unappetising, so I sprinkled lots of icing sugar on top and took it in, in its special box, and proudly handed it to the PTA woman who looked a bit bemused.

At 3pm, I went to the Sale to see how many people had raved over my offering. There I saw it: during the day, the icing sugar had melted into the black treacle in the sponge, turning it into a weird dappled grey/green colour. It looked exactly like it had gone mouldy. If you've seen an algae-covered pond or mossy gravestone, you've seen my traybake. It sat there, ignored and avoided by everyone, in its box. Its special home-made box with my name, and DS1's name, written on in massive letters...

ROFL georgimama!

My DH once went to a petrol station with his PA.

When we go somewhere in a car we usually go in mine, because it has DS's car seat, and I usually drive.

But he was in his own car. And she was in the passenger seat.

He went to kiosk to pay, came back to car, went to passenger door, opened it and got in. Onto her lap.