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Original poster

Submissions are invited of poetry to commemorate the life and mourn the death of DS2's guinea pig

183 replies

Threadworm · 22/01/2009 10:11

Died yesterday after a mercifully short illness.

In Memoriam

So, farewell then
Beetle.
That was not your real name.

Internet paranoia has made me choose
An alias.
And Keith's mum says that Beetle is
A very good name
For a guinea pig.

Especially one that was black and fat.
That was probably what killed you.
Being so fat
I mean.

E. J. Thread, aged 17 and a half.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 22/01/2009 15:22

My accent's too weird to be reproduced now - rhotic Scouse/Scottish, mistaken by many people as Irish, and varies from place to place and day to day.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 22/01/2009 15:21

Oh guinea fat
Oh guinea true
Who left my carpet covered in poo

Oh guinea black
Oh guinea sleak
You wew blessed with the fattest of cheeks

Oh guinea mine
Your short fur shone
We'll miss you beetle, now your gone.

ProfRichardDawkins · 22/01/2009 15:20
ProfRichardDawkins · 22/01/2009 15:20

I'm just trying to read the poetry with the correct accent and was struggling with

Set a chewstick upon her knee

in my best Liverpudlian.

Habbibu · 22/01/2009 15:19

Well, the rhyme scheme stuffs up in the last stanza. Maybe that's a subconscious Scouse thing.

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 15:18

I've just checked through your excellent Tennyson piece to see if any of the rhymes are Liverpool-dependant.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 22/01/2009 15:15
Habbibu · 22/01/2009 15:14

Not any more, really, but I used to. Why?

ProfRichardDawkins · 22/01/2009 15:11

Habbibu - Do you have a Liverpudlian accent?

Habbibu · 22/01/2009 15:07

You're beginning to seem careless, Threadie.

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:53

Oh. I had a wire-haired comforting back. And now I have a headless dog.

OP posts:
Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:40

Excellent swedes. Fat frozen jowls startlingly accurate. To complete the poem:

Dog opened his vorpal jaws right broad:
Long time the plumpsome foe he sought,
Buried beneath the ornamental pear tree.
Dog dug awhile with paws.

And, as with wuffish growls he dug,
The plumpsome pig, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey soil,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
Its rodent teeth went snicker-snack!
He left dog dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

OP posts:
ProfRichardDawkins · 22/01/2009 14:32

Very sorry to hear about the GP, Threadie. Here's my ode to him. With apologies to Lewis Carroll

Twas sadly, that the guinea pig,
Was gently lowered in his grave:
All teary were the threadworms,
But the dog was outrgaed.

"Ignore the Guinea Pig, my friends.
The jowls all stiff, in frozen fat!
Leave sadness in the ground, and stroke,
My wire-haired comforting back!"

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:26

I'm still sobbing from Habbibu's -- my last was a tribute to that one.

Pondering now as to whether we should have wormed him.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 22/01/2009 14:23

Brilliant, VG.

VintageGardenia · 22/01/2009 14:22

Pile of sawdust, corpse amid it.
Who, like me, thinks the Threadworm did it?

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:19
Grin
OP posts:
SheherazadetheBard · 22/01/2009 14:18

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murdering pattle.
seeing as ye are deid an'all

pagwatch · 22/01/2009 14:17

well, you know I really wanted to get it just right....

SheherazadetheBard · 22/01/2009 14:15

pagwatch i am moved to tears by your offering.

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:15

Tone is now officially lowered.

Splendid btw Hab (and pag). Deeply moved

OP posts:
pagwatch · 22/01/2009 14:14

farewell fat pig
you pushed your luck
you ate too much
now off you fuck

Original poster
Threadworm · 22/01/2009 14:09

The dog has shed a salty tear,
That could not flow before,
In mem'ry of a foe so dear --
Your verse unlocked the door.

He barks of how it is now clear
That he whom he wouldst begore
Was ('spite their feud) held bosom-near --
A love played out as war.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 22/01/2009 13:45

Home they brought the guinea-pig dead:
The dog nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All the fam'ly, watching, said,
?He must bark or he will die.?

Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet he neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a ds from his place,
Lightly to the cavie stepped,
Took the sawdust from the face;
Yet dog neither moved nor leapt.

Threadie, a MNer of xxx years,
Set a chewstick upon her knee?
Like summer tempest came his howls?
?Sweet dog biscuit, I live for thee.?

PenelopePissedoff · 22/01/2009 11:50

lfmao @ Vintage - and so timely

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