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Original poster

Submissions are invited of poetry to commemorate the life and mourn the death of DS2's guinea pig

183 replies

Threadworm · 22/01/2009 10:11

Died yesterday after a mercifully short illness.

In Memoriam

So, farewell then
Beetle.
That was not your real name.

Internet paranoia has made me choose
An alias.
And Keith's mum says that Beetle is
A very good name
For a guinea pig.

Especially one that was black and fat.
That was probably what killed you.
Being so fat
I mean.

E. J. Thread, aged 17 and a half.

OP posts:
talulasmumII · 23/01/2009 11:02

we've had a goldfish for 6 years...i talk to him alot, probably what's keeping him going.

Boco · 23/01/2009 10:59

When I was small we had a red setter. One day he escaped and ran into the village where the fete was taking place. The pet competition had just been judged, and in front of the crowd, and it's owner, Oliver swallowed the prize winning guinea pig in one gulp. It took months before someone explained to my parents why people glared at them in the street and shielded their children.

Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:59

Splendid, sunnygirl.

OP posts:
ruty · 23/01/2009 10:58

[They are, a touch, psychotic, you know threadie]

Stayingsunnygirl · 23/01/2009 10:57

On the sunny shores of mumsnet
Dwells the lovely maiden, Threadworm.
Fair she is, but sad our Threadworm
Mourning yet the loss of Beetle.
Black of coat and round of tummy
Sweet of character, and sunny
Living yet in all our mem'ries
Sing we now the praise of Beetle.
Now his cage is sad and dusty,
Still his wheel, his dish is empty
No more little footsteps scratchy
No more nose, so black and whiffly.
Let the warriors kneel in sorrow,
Let the maidens sadly follow
As we lay to rest brave Beetle
As in sadness we shall wallow.
Yet his deeds will live among us
We will sing his deeds with gladness
We will tell of how he conquered
Far off lands, where none had ventured.
How he climbed the stairs unaided
How he conquered chair and wardrobe
Where he left his little pellets
To remind us, here was Beetle.
Beetle we will mourn you deeply
To the heights of sorrow mourn you
Yet we may replace you, some day
Beetle Two will be acquir-ed.
He will have big paws to follow
Great your heart and long your shadow
So we say, farewell to Beetle
Sleep your well-earned sleep, Oh fair one.

Apologies to Longfellow.

mollyroger · 23/01/2009 10:55

and lego storage. Never underestimate the value of shoeboxes for lego storgae.

I used to collect matchboxes for the sole purpose of goldfish coffins. We are not Good With Goldfish in this house

Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:54

Once gathered, the collected squeaks of Beetle appear like his bodily disorder ... a little constipated.

Here's what I have so far:

Lettuce. I want lettuce. And hay
Carrot would be alright too. Now.

Lettuce. I want lettuce. And hay
Carrot would be alright too. Now.

Lettuce. I want lettuce. And hay
Carrot would be alright too. Now.

Lettuce. I want lettuce. And hay
Carrot would be alright too. Now.

It is a bit like the manuscript in The Shining.

OP posts:
ruty · 23/01/2009 10:53

Anyone for a verse of Kum-by-yah? [you'e falling out of that onebat]

onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:52

Shoeboxes only have two functions, don't they? To contain shoes, and the corpses of small mammals.

mollyroger · 23/01/2009 10:51
onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:51

That was excellent, Threadie. How is the monograph coming along?

Merrylegs · 23/01/2009 10:49

(Our guinea too recently shuffled off this mortal coil. As we were processing his dead cold body (stuffed in shoebox) into the garden for burial, kids began trying to hum the funeral march. Unfortunately it came out wrong and poor old 'Fluffy' was laid to rest to the dulcet strains of the theme from Star Wars.

Duh duh duh DAH dah...)

mollyroger · 23/01/2009 10:49

I got an arts council grant for that!

Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:49

Is no-one going to say 'Oh very good threadworm? I am in mourning you know. It makes me needy.

OP posts:
onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:47

Excellent - eurythmic mourning!

mollyroger · 23/01/2009 10:44
Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:44

mine mime

OP posts:
Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:43

Full inches ten my guinea pig lies,
Of his bones are compost made:
Those are slime that were his eyes,
Nothing of him that doth fade,
But doth suffer recycling --
Fertility-heightening.
Mumsnetters hourly recite their praise.
One more excuse to waste their days.

Your mine was very moving.

Funnily enough, we did actually sing 'Bright Eyes' (in a spirit of heartless sarcasm) over the corpse of a rabbit that the dog slaughtered just before Christmas.

OP posts:
onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:43

Boco - when I was jerking and flailing? That was the fecal impaction bit.

onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:41

No?

Okay. Perhaps we'd all be more comfortable if we could express our sadness communally, yeah?

Bright eyes, burning like fire
Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale? Bright eyes.

Boco · 23/01/2009 10:39

Will you be incorporating fecal impaction into that mime onebat?

Merrylegs · 23/01/2009 10:38

Oh guinea pig! You joyous beast
You made my life so merry.
And then you went and popped your clogs
Unreasonable?
Very.

onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:36

If it's okay with you guys, I'd like to break with tradition actually - get things a little loosened up, okay?

onebatmother · 23/01/2009 10:28

LOL at Boco and TsarChasm.
genuinely impressed by Iorek

Original poster
Threadworm · 23/01/2009 10:28

Wonderful, Iorek, both of your sonnets.

I'd like to try a sonnet, instead of doggeral.

OP posts: