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Original poster

Super soaker etiquette at parties

411 replies

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 19:22

Does this sound ok to you?

My ds2 age 8 has been invited to a classmate's party tomorrow (after school ends, last day of term).

The party will take place outdoors in a small park next to the school. (Host and helpers will take the whole class to the park after school ends in the afternoon - hurrah!)

I saw the host's mother yesterday to confirm arrangements. Ds1 begged to bring his large super soaker water pistol with him - and a spare one to give to someone else.

Host's mother and I had a quick talk and agreed it was ok as long as it was warm weather. But I am not sure if host's mother was agreeing under duress IYSWIM. Ds2 was being very insistent and I wonder if the mother was just being polite through gritted teeth?

I told ds2 in front of host's mum that she had my absolute permission to veto any super soaker activity on the day.

ds2 has come home from school today obsessed with super soaker plans. He has apparently got his teacher's permission to bring in bottles of water and store them, along with his two super soakers, in school for use at the party (as there is no water supply at the park). I keep reminding him that if it is cool or if children get upset, the water fight is off, but he seems to have his mind set on this.

I cannot contact host's mother - can't get her phone number and I am unlikely to see her tomorrow morning as she does not do the school drop off. So as it stands,
ds2 will arrive at school tomorrow complete with super soakers.

I plan to write a letter to host's mother re-iterating that she has my utter permission to ban super soakers and ds2 knows this. I will give this letter to ds2 to give to her at the beginning of the party. Ds2 knows I will check that he has given her the letter when I collect him.

It's the end of term, the party is outdoors, I don't want to put the dampers on ds2's plans but hmmm.... what would you think if you were the host's mother? Would you be ok with this?

PS Bit of extra background - some of the parents of ds2's classmates see him as a bit of a livewire, so from what I can gather, he tends not to get too many play date or party invites. This is the first class party he has been invited to for ages and I have told ds2 it's really important that he does what he is told by the host mother so the other parents will see he takes notice. At school, ds2 is reasonably well behaved - I never have to see his teachers about his behaviour, and as a rule he plays well in a group, but I know he will be running around in a frenzy of super soaker, end of term excitement.....

OP posts:
wulfstan · 20/07/2008 12:58

tigermoth: your ds can bring his supersoakers round here any day

roisin · 20/07/2008 12:57

Tigermoth - as always - I am in awe of you. Your calmness in the face of criticism is remarkable.

We really must meet up sometime!

Rx

PS My boys have just 'run away' aka stormed out of the house. This is a first for us.
But they haven't any money with them, so I don't think they'll be gone very long

Youcanthaveeverything · 20/07/2008 12:57

Didn't you say he has been described as a livewire? I may have rembered incorrectly, I have not checked.

But does he also not get many playdates and party invites? All seems linked to me.

I may be way off the mark, you know your DS, just the impression I get from admittedly limited information.

But maybe worth considering?

And then dismissing

Original poster
tigermoth · 20/07/2008 12:53

It is me who has called him a livewire as a way of describing his active behaviour on this thread? I have given him that label, not the parents.It is not what what people habitually say to my face when talking about ds2 (to me) in real life. They normally call him by his name, but I agree it's generally accepted that he is lively.

FWIW If I call a child a 'livewire', here or in real life, I do not intend it to be a masked criticism. It's simply a statement that they have lots of energy.

Anyway, I'll be seeing a parent from school this evening as she's coming round for a glass of wine, so I might be able to ask a few leading questions.

OP posts:
Youcanthaveeverything · 20/07/2008 10:52

Hmmm, TM, more and more I get the feeling you are part of your sons difficulties and need to have many more 'appropriate' and 'inappropriate' type conversations with him.

Please listen to the general concensus on here, it displays to you what other mothers may be thinking ,but not able to say to you.

I thought the fact he had his Ssoaker at the summer fair, pretty inappropraiate, and would have myself thought had I been there 'God I wish that child was controlled at bit more, there is a time and a place', but would have still made nice general chit chat with you.I'm sure there were a fair few thinking that.

Think about what others may be thinking, not just what your DS wants to do.

You seemed to go to quite extraordinary lengths to fulfill his fixation with Soakers at this party.(going home to put them in your boot etc).

A firm 'no, I'm unsure whether it's apropropriate or not, so I've decided you are not going to take it' should have sufficed.

You could then discuss why it may be inappropriate, and offer more appropriate time and places eg in gardens on a hot day, with children who have consented to water fight involvementt and have their own weapons.

Really, for your DS's sake, if in doubt about whether his beahviour may be viewed as wild, disruptive or whatever, err on the side of caution.

Don't you want to help him loose his 'livewire' reputation? It will be livewire to your face, but much worse behind your back, believe me.

Original poster
tigermoth · 19/07/2008 20:05

erm, just for the sake of accuracy, there would have been two supersoakers, not just the one at the party, so someone else would have had one. Also my ds2 has been known to share them around and not have one himself sometimes (I know you won't believe me, but honestly, I have seen this happen)

I am a veteran of supersoaker situations as ds2 and other neighbouring children have water fights with water bomb and supersoakes on hot days here on our street. (And mainly it is running around, the squirting of water is very minimal as it's such a hassle to refill)

Most of the time, IMconsiderableE, there are never enough super soakers to go round as random children join in the game half way through. It's a bit like children being attracted to running through a garden sprinkler - those who join in as a rule don't mind getting a bit wet.

Now granted, having a water fight near to your home is different as you can run back in to get changed, but we never have neighbouring children complaining about getting wet - or their parents - or neighbouring parental bans on water fights.

I probably shouldn't tell you this but in for a penny, in for a pound - ds2 has told me today he cadged a crisp off a next door neighbour's girl in return for her employing him to squirt his supersoaker (once)at one of her friends down the road... a contract he will not be fulfilling unless we get some very sunny weather

OP posts:
pointydog · 19/07/2008 19:17

Here's all you laughing pansies before I confiscate your weapons

pointydog · 19/07/2008 19:15

come and get it

pointydog · 19/07/2008 19:08

tell you what, let's organise a mn supersoaker party but I, and I alone, will be the only mnetter allowed said supersoaker. That'll be Fun.

You love it

WideWebWitch · 19/07/2008 19:05

well i think you all need to get a grip about a bit of water

maidamess · 19/07/2008 18:57

And all those soaking wet kids rampaging into your kitchen to refill their squirters.

Ahh, hapy days.

DontlookatmeImshy · 19/07/2008 18:57

Sorry if it's already being said but..

"Remember she has a get out clause - she has my utter permission to ban the super soaker on the day - can do so 2 minutes into the party if she wants to."

You are passing the buck!. If it has to be banned on the day, she gets to be the mean old killjoy, not you. How convenient.

FluffyMummy123 · 19/07/2008 18:57

Message withdrawn

Podrick · 19/07/2008 18:56

Actually I thought this thread was about nappies from the title

Podrick · 19/07/2008 18:55

Yes.

Supersoakers for all

or bin 'em

pointydog · 19/07/2008 18:46

agree with those who say it's not water fights that's the issue, it's one person having a gun when all teh others don't. That's not fun. Nothing to do with being precious

lazyemma · 19/07/2008 17:17

"I know I'm the lone voice on this thread but I think it's indicative of how sheltered our children are these days and how uptight and controlling many, many mothers can be that the very idea of a water pistol in a park at the end of term on a summers say is so outrageous . I know it was a party but it wasn't an indoor party, it was hardly equivalent to saying "can I scribble on your Renoir?" was it? But many of these posts seem to view is at so. But maybe that's childhood these days?"

What a crock. One of my earliest memories is of getting a bollocking from the boy next door's mum for soaking him with my water pistol so that she had to change his clothes. That would've been in 1980, so I doubt we're quite on our way to hell in a handbasket just yet.

misdee · 19/07/2008 16:25

i love a good water fight myself. but it needs to be fair, with everyone being able to have access to water.

am looking forward to when the dd's are a bit older and they get involved in water fights in the street.

1973 · 19/07/2008 16:19

I [heart] Tigermoth

BetteNoire · 19/07/2008 16:18

TM - I don't think people have a problem with water pistols necessarily.

It was more that it is unfair for one or two children to have them if the others haven't.

And that if the birthday girl wanted super soakers at her party, surely she would have said so?

It is perhaps the assumption that your DS should be able to do something that affects all the other guests, and that would perhaps cause some upset to other children (ie: if they got wet and didn't want to), that riled people?

Anyway, it didn't happen in the end.
So all is well.

Original poster
tigermoth · 19/07/2008 16:13

My ds2 would be very chuffed that you assume his can aim his supersoaker so accurately at people.

I did say there were limited supplies of water, as the park had no running water facilities at all. Any water used would have been what was in the super soaker already - when it ran out, that would have been that.

WWW, you took the words out of my mouth about people being a bit precious about a bit of water, outdoors on a hot day at the end of term.

I wonder how this thread would have gone if I'd started it in the middle of a heatwave?

As for negative comments - they will only upset me if I choose to let them I made my choice - simple.

OP posts:
fallingdown · 19/07/2008 16:11

no wonder he's a 'livewire' if you never say no to him

Nagapie · 19/07/2008 16:04

anyone seen this today in the Times??

WideWebWitch · 19/07/2008 16:02

i cant presume to spk for tm here but from what i know of her she's perfectly capable of saying no, she just wasn't sure whether she should or why. i went and gooogled for a ss image after reading this thread and still don't see the big deal tbh.

Collision · 19/07/2008 15:37

Just read this through.

I think WWW that there is a huuuuuge difference between water pistols and ssoakers.

WPs are pretty lame and you do get a bit damp. With a ss you get completely drenched.

I think the main point (and not meaning to offend) was that TM seemed unable to say no to her ds when everyone had strenuously declared no to the ss at someone elses party!

I think if I was at a party having food and drinks and was suddenly drenched from head to foot with water with no way to defend myself then I would be very peed off.

I do not have an aversion to ss's but on this occasion I do agree that ss's were not advisable.

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