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Original poster

Super soaker etiquette at parties

411 replies

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 19:22

Does this sound ok to you?

My ds2 age 8 has been invited to a classmate's party tomorrow (after school ends, last day of term).

The party will take place outdoors in a small park next to the school. (Host and helpers will take the whole class to the park after school ends in the afternoon - hurrah!)

I saw the host's mother yesterday to confirm arrangements. Ds1 begged to bring his large super soaker water pistol with him - and a spare one to give to someone else.

Host's mother and I had a quick talk and agreed it was ok as long as it was warm weather. But I am not sure if host's mother was agreeing under duress IYSWIM. Ds2 was being very insistent and I wonder if the mother was just being polite through gritted teeth?

I told ds2 in front of host's mum that she had my absolute permission to veto any super soaker activity on the day.

ds2 has come home from school today obsessed with super soaker plans. He has apparently got his teacher's permission to bring in bottles of water and store them, along with his two super soakers, in school for use at the party (as there is no water supply at the park). I keep reminding him that if it is cool or if children get upset, the water fight is off, but he seems to have his mind set on this.

I cannot contact host's mother - can't get her phone number and I am unlikely to see her tomorrow morning as she does not do the school drop off. So as it stands,
ds2 will arrive at school tomorrow complete with super soakers.

I plan to write a letter to host's mother re-iterating that she has my utter permission to ban super soakers and ds2 knows this. I will give this letter to ds2 to give to her at the beginning of the party. Ds2 knows I will check that he has given her the letter when I collect him.

It's the end of term, the party is outdoors, I don't want to put the dampers on ds2's plans but hmmm.... what would you think if you were the host's mother? Would you be ok with this?

PS Bit of extra background - some of the parents of ds2's classmates see him as a bit of a livewire, so from what I can gather, he tends not to get too many play date or party invites. This is the first class party he has been invited to for ages and I have told ds2 it's really important that he does what he is told by the host mother so the other parents will see he takes notice. At school, ds2 is reasonably well behaved - I never have to see his teachers about his behaviour, and as a rule he plays well in a group, but I know he will be running around in a frenzy of super soaker, end of term excitement.....

OP posts:
cocolepew · 17/07/2008 20:08

Nobody has said yes doesn't that tell you something? It's not up to the other mum to say 'no' to your son, it's up to you.

CaptainUnderpants · 17/07/2008 20:08

NO NO NO ! You are being very unfair to the other Mum - 'she has my utter permission to ban the super soaker on the day ' - what a cop out by you !

Stand up to your DS and tell him NO, not his party.

morningpaper · 17/07/2008 20:08

what everyone else said

Also - I would think that if it was my child who wasn't invited to many parties because he was a bit of a PITA, I would probably want to attend to keep him in check as a favour to the other parents - hang around and help and be nice and make sure that you are the one keeping him in control, and hopefully he'll be invited out a lot more

good luck

cornsilk · 17/07/2008 20:06

I put ours in the car boot yesterday and it's staying there. It will be a nightmare. There's a big difference between playing at the school fair and playing at a birthday party when the chn are full of pop and cakes. Do not send it.

pgwithnumber3 · 17/07/2008 20:05

NO NO NO NO NO! I can't believe you thought it was an okay idea in the first place. Water pistols are great if you are in your own garden, kids are stripped off and there are only a couple of them having a laugh with it. NOT at a party where there will only be 2 pistols available and most children are not going to be wanting to be soaked to the skin and freezing cold thus ruining the party for them.

Can't believe you are not taking on board the advice already given. Just say no to your DS. I understand he will be disappointed but unfortunately, it is not his party.

andyrobo237 · 17/07/2008 20:05

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

andyrobo237 · 17/07/2008 20:05

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

andyrobo237 · 17/07/2008 20:05

I agree with spicemonster - a fair is different to a party as you just go the the fair and dont know who is there, whereas a party you have been invited - it would have been hard for the host mum to say no to you, unless she was a very good friend. I as the parent of the child would have said ' o' but you can have it on the way home or we will go to the park the next day and you can have fun with it then. It is not fair on the other kids at the party - some may not like water pistols - there may be girls there in pretty summer dresses, who would not like it.

No No No No - and again No

I think the theme on this thread is a resounding no!

Hulababy · 17/07/2008 20:02

The woman may not feel like she is able to say no, even at the time.

I think it is wrong to let DS do this, I really do. I would definitely say no now. It is his classmate's birthday party - he should be the special child, the one who is the focus and centre of attention. Mum shouldn;t have to be supervising other child and friend running round, not joining in with rest of party activities and doing their own thing. It just doesn;t seem fair.

welshdeb · 17/07/2008 20:02

Your choice - disappoint your son over this and don't piss off the rest of the parents in the class, (who get cold wet kids at the end of the party) or give in and run the risk of him not being invited to any more parties/ play dates.

unfitmother · 17/07/2008 20:01

NO, you are not being fair.

cat64 · 17/07/2008 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 17/07/2008 20:00

You ban it and then she doesn't need a get out clause.

partaria · 17/07/2008 19:59

Tigermoth it's not about whether she was lying; the woman was put by you on what all the posters think was an awkward spot. she had to think on her feet and you must see the big fat social clue staring at you - namely there are conditions put on the use of the invasive disruptive nuisance toy at her son's party.

boot on other foot; if you were hosting a large party for excited children and someone's child and his mum were keen on him bringing something that wasn't universally popular with a danger of it irritating the hell out of some/all of the other children, would you honestly be 100% chilled about it or would you privately be thinking "I wish X hadn't asked me that; hope she gets the hint"...??

Honestly now ?

spicemonster · 17/07/2008 19:58

I think some people have trouble saying no when put on the spot like that. School fair is one thing because that is a general occasion. This is one little boy's birthday party. The boy whose birthday it is does not have a super-soaker. He is not going to have a nice time if your DS takes his. Sorry.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/07/2008 19:58

I think it would be hard to issue an outright 'no' when a child is "very insistent" and his mother is negotiating on his behalf.

But I wasn't there and I don't know her, so I guess you are better placed to make a judgement regarding her poisition.

flowerybeanbag · 17/07/2008 19:58

Just because an 8 year old thinks something is logical doesn't mean it's ok or a good idea!

Original poster
tigermoth · 17/07/2008 19:58

Remember she has a get out clause - she has my utter permission to ban the super soaker on the day - can do so 2 minutes into the party if she wants to.

OP posts:
traceybath · 17/07/2008 19:57

But its her son's party - its his special day not your sons.

And the letter idea is not a good one - i'd hate that if i was the host. She'll have enough to deal with without telling your son he can't after all play with a super soaker.

juuule · 17/07/2008 19:56

Whatever the mother said or meant (and it sounds as though she was put on the spot) think it out for yourself. Your ds has been invited to a party. He should join in with the others who have been invited and not have the potential to swamp the proceedings with a super soaker which only he and one other could use when it wasn't originally a 'wet' type of party.

snice · 17/07/2008 19:56

THe "etiquette" here is that it is not your DS's party and so he should not be setting the agenda for it.

traceybath · 17/07/2008 19:56

she was being polite. You now need to be polite and tell your son - not this time.

Original poster
tigermoth · 17/07/2008 19:56

I can see from my ds2 POV that it was a logical request - he was only asking to do the same thing he had done a few weeks ago, in the same place with the same people - with no mishaps.( Host's mother was at the school fair so saw him in action there).

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 17/07/2008 19:55

I think saying she was lying to you is a bit harsh! She felt cornered and caught off guard and with DS there begging felt she had to say yes, which she is now regretting but feels she can't take it back. That's not lying.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/07/2008 19:55

I'm sure someone will be along soon who will turn the thread for you - there usually is