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Super soaker etiquette at parties

411 replies

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 19:22

Does this sound ok to you?

My ds2 age 8 has been invited to a classmate's party tomorrow (after school ends, last day of term).

The party will take place outdoors in a small park next to the school. (Host and helpers will take the whole class to the park after school ends in the afternoon - hurrah!)

I saw the host's mother yesterday to confirm arrangements. Ds1 begged to bring his large super soaker water pistol with him - and a spare one to give to someone else.

Host's mother and I had a quick talk and agreed it was ok as long as it was warm weather. But I am not sure if host's mother was agreeing under duress IYSWIM. Ds2 was being very insistent and I wonder if the mother was just being polite through gritted teeth?

I told ds2 in front of host's mum that she had my absolute permission to veto any super soaker activity on the day.

ds2 has come home from school today obsessed with super soaker plans. He has apparently got his teacher's permission to bring in bottles of water and store them, along with his two super soakers, in school for use at the party (as there is no water supply at the park). I keep reminding him that if it is cool or if children get upset, the water fight is off, but he seems to have his mind set on this.

I cannot contact host's mother - can't get her phone number and I am unlikely to see her tomorrow morning as she does not do the school drop off. So as it stands,
ds2 will arrive at school tomorrow complete with super soakers.

I plan to write a letter to host's mother re-iterating that she has my utter permission to ban super soakers and ds2 knows this. I will give this letter to ds2 to give to her at the beginning of the party. Ds2 knows I will check that he has given her the letter when I collect him.

It's the end of term, the party is outdoors, I don't want to put the dampers on ds2's plans but hmmm.... what would you think if you were the host's mother? Would you be ok with this?

PS Bit of extra background - some of the parents of ds2's classmates see him as a bit of a livewire, so from what I can gather, he tends not to get too many play date or party invites. This is the first class party he has been invited to for ages and I have told ds2 it's really important that he does what he is told by the host mother so the other parents will see he takes notice. At school, ds2 is reasonably well behaved - I never have to see his teachers about his behaviour, and as a rule he plays well in a group, but I know he will be running around in a frenzy of super soaker, end of term excitement.....

OP posts:
Mutt · 17/07/2008 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 20:35

can I say again that there wouldn't be much water to soak anyone with, as there is no water supply in the park?

AFAIK the mother isn't organising games for all - this is more a run around picnic in small park sort of afternoon.

OP posts:
CaptainUnderpants · 17/07/2008 20:34

Just tell him NO - go and do it now - we will be here to support you , go now !

Hulababy · 17/07/2008 20:34

Why can you child not join in with the party activities that the mum hass already planned for her DS's party, along with the other guests? Why is he being allowed to be different?

sis · 17/07/2008 20:33

Tigermoth, I'm really sorry but I have to say that I agree with everyone else. I don't the think the letter helps - if anything, it is likely to irritate the mum even more as she will have her hands full trying to keep an eye on everyone at the party and not really want to read a letter which reiterates what you have told her face to face.

I suspect that because you and your ds are so lovely, the other mum didn't have the heart to say no to your request. If I was the other mum, I would be pretty stressed by the idea of your ds bringing a super soaker to my dd's party (sorry!).

pgwithnumber3 · 17/07/2008 20:32

It's hard enough work for the host without having to deal with crazy kids running around with gigantic water pistols and scores of screaming girls running away from them.

Have you decided yet that it is a bad idea Tigermoth?!

snice · 17/07/2008 20:31

Ok -could you just think about this -inadvertantly your DS soaks one of the other party guests.He/she bursts into tears and is inconsolable.

Host's mother is trying to calm the child down whilst simultaneously organising party games and wondering how she is going to explain the wet children to the other mothers.

Your child mysteriously receives no further party invites but never mind he got his own way over taking the water gun and you didn't have to stand up to him!

litterbug · 17/07/2008 20:29

FGS!!

Just tell him 'no'.

Let him go and enjoy the party, dry, like everyone else.

Then invite some of his friends round for a supersoaker play date next weekend!

TBH im the kind of person who would agree to someone bringing a super soaker out of sheer inability to say no!!

Secretly I would be praying them mum saw sense and banned it for me!

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 20:29

Also, if I ban the super soaker, I will tell ds2 it is purely because of the weather - too cool to risk getting anyone a bit wet.

Although I have told him it's in his interest to behave well as there will be some of his classmates' parents present, I certainly don't want him to assume that no super soaker means he will automatically get playdate invites. I know ds2 will be lively whatever happens and tbh, I have no faith that there will be a rush of invites heading his way whatever he does or doesn't do.

OP posts:
pgwithnumber3 · 17/07/2008 20:24

I don't think I have ever read a thread and the OP has had a 100% NO feedback and she is still thinking about letting her DS take the flaming water pistol.

morningpaper · 17/07/2008 20:23

Tigermoth why don't you comprise with your son

Take the super soakers with you and say that he can play with them after the party with you and his friend who he wants to play with

But seriously, NOT at the party, (with the deepest respect) you are quite quite bonkers if you think that's ok

WhatsupDoc · 17/07/2008 20:22

Who is the adult here - mum or DS?

Sounds like DS is calling all the shots. I don't understand why mum won't put her foot down.

themildmanneredjanitor · 17/07/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainUnderpants · 17/07/2008 20:22

Hopefully OP is having a good think about this or telling her DS 'NO ! '

spicemonster · 17/07/2008 20:22

No. I feel sorry for tigermoth - I don't think I've ever read a thread where everyone was in agreement (and not with the OP)

pgwithnumber3 · 17/07/2008 20:22

Well I am going to change my mind and say YES DO IT and then let us know tomorrow night if it goes down like letting a rabid dog off its lead at the party.

tigermoth · 17/07/2008 20:21

I can't be there at the beginning as I will be at work, but will arrive about mid way through.

I'd be happy if I was hosting a party to ban OTT super soaker activity from guests - it's just part of what you'd normally do as a host. I wouldn't feel put upon, but I do take notice of your overwhelming feeling that this mother could feel under pressure. I do know the mother to some extent and she strikes me as being quite strong and fiesty - able to hold her own.

But I want opinions, hence starting the thread.

PS the birthday child is a girl, and likes playing running around 'boys versus girls' games with my ds - she is also quite fiesty.

OP posts:
Califrau · 17/07/2008 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurHamsterisevil · 17/07/2008 20:18

No its not fair unless every child has one.

welshdeb · 17/07/2008 20:17

You have said that he "apparently" has the teacher's permission for this.

Have you verified that he actually has permission to take these into school. I know that it wouldn't be allowed in my dc school.

CaptainUnderpants · 17/07/2008 20:15

You will not be doing your DS any favours by letting him take it to the party - looks like he will live up to his name as a livewire and gets even less invites and playdates .

Make a stance - for his sake .

melpomene · 17/07/2008 20:14

I'm also surprised that the teacher gave permission for him to bring them to school!

SorenLorensen · 17/07/2008 20:13

I'm going to go even further - dh's boss was shot in the eye at close range with one of these at a family barbecue a couple of years ago. He was lucky not to lose his eye and still only has partial vision in that eye. I know it was a one-in-a-million accident but you are not going to be there to supervise, loads of over-excited kids...I wouldn't do it, personally.

flowerybeanbag · 17/07/2008 20:13

I'm a bit bemused about why you even asked us tbh. You do seem either dead keen to let him take it or frightened of saying no to him and to make yourself feel less guilty you are really trying to get someone to say it's ok. It's not.

melpomene · 17/07/2008 20:10

Not fair to give host mother the responsibility of confiscating it. It would only take seconds for him (or another boy) to squirt people who aren't happy with it, and by then it's too late to confiscate it. People won't have changes of clothes with them. (or adult helpers could get soaked, party food could get soaked etc)

Agree with previous suggestions to arrange a super soaker party for him another time, when everyone knows what they are letting themselves in for.

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