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Original poster

What Amazon REALLY thinks of you

174 replies

Flamingbanana214 · 06/10/2026 18:48

I've just read a hilarious Threads about this.

Go to your amazon account > shopping preferences > scroll down > about you.

Mine is fairly tame "has a cat" "travels regularly" "regularly purchases skincare" etc but some of the screenshots on threads were fantastic -

"Has flat buttocks:
"Likes to buy hats for their dog"
"Had a relationship with La Toya Jackson"
"Has no friends"

What does your amazon think of you??

OP posts:
HeinousBeaker · 07/10/2026 08:57

“Consistently replenishes cat care essentials” -me, and surely everybody else who has a cat.

ImWearingPantaloons · 07/10/2026 08:59

Mine were so boring, and bob on the money apart from me ‘recently renovating my home’.

Er. No.

LondonLass2026 · 07/10/2026 09:45

Mine is empty despite being a customer since 2000.

However. Just now I added a fun size party mix into my basket (for trick or treaters) and as I did so, a speech bubble popped up saying "suspenseful music playing". I have not seen that in all the decades I've been using Amazon.

TinyTear · 07/10/2026 09:46

Japanese language learning, likely lives in London, consistently building manga collection, anime merch and accessories, pokemon products, comfortable footwear of brand X, bamboo mens socks 😀

so basically correct but a mish mash of me, kids and husband as i use my account for everything and presents

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/10/2026 09:55

The one that made me laugh was "probably owns a pressure cooker" ( I actually do but this sounds like they are judging me for it)

It also states with confidence that one of my hobbies is flower arranging ( it's not) and that I bake cakes professionally ( I don't)

Basildon4Eva · 07/10/2026 10:03

Mine was super boring. It seemed fixated on me being really in to notebooks because I once bought a large multipack for a community group I'm part of.

Also said "Likely to live in X (name of city). Hardly difficult to work out - given they have my address you'd think they'd be more certain about that.

GoddammitDonut · 07/10/2026 10:37

Mine makes me sound smart and says I study history academically and am consistently expanding my history knowledge. I do not and am historically challenged. Grin Ican thank my DS for making me look good to Amazon, haha!

The parts about me all involve kitchen stuff. Ugh.

TheDogsMother · 07/10/2026 11:11

Likely owns a convertible vehicle, probably owns a lawnmower, prefers Branantia for waste management products, feeds garden birds - just some of it 🤣

0hmygoodness · 07/10/2026 13:15

It has decided that I have a pet hedgehog!! 🤣

whereismybike · 07/10/2026 19:02

Mine sounds a lot cooler than I am!

Apparently I skateboard recreationally and consistently replenish disposable party supplies.

(or maybe I once bought some skateboarding stuff as a present for someone and buy paper cups and napkins for our community group events)

DinoLil · 07/10/2026 19:05

Well thats equally hilarious and terrifying!!!

ChoppyWalters · 07/10/2026 19:11

My first one was feeds waterfowl regularly- true, I buy duck food.

StressyMcStressFace · 07/10/2026 19:22

Loads of ideas here for "tell us something interesting about yourself" at the next team building day i am forced to go on 🤣

Twatterati · 07/10/2026 19:50

OMG! Hilarious.

I regularly abandon art projects and frequently buy eyebrow pencils (among other amusing things). This is the most outing thing I’ve ever posted 😆

Twatterati · 07/10/2026 19:51

StressyMcStressFace · 07/10/2026 19:22

Loads of ideas here for "tell us something interesting about yourself" at the next team building day i am forced to go on 🤣

This is GENIUS!! Those painful icebreakers - revolutionised!

JulesJules · 11/10/2026 07:55

Mine says

Maintains steady book acquisition

which is fair

Ohdearwhatashame · 11/10/2026 11:29

Under interests and hobbies I apparently collect luxury artisanal soaps and experiment with electronics projects.
Under products and preferences I am gradually expanding my soap collection. Since when is buying soap a hobby? I buy it, use it and then buy some more.
Contrary to what Amazon believes I do not have a dog and have never bought anything dog related.

FantasyFoodhall · 12/10/2026 02:44

Favours Calvin Klein underwear
Engages in Camping
Shows preference for Casio calculators

Edit to add that these are very much not the case!

Ijwwm · 12/10/2026 03:26

This has been the funniest thread I’ve read in ages. I’m going to take a proper look at mine tomorrow.

Am also going to click report on this thread - just to recommend it to Classics. Don’t think I’ve done that before, but this one deserves to be saved for future laughs.

FamingolosForDays · 21/10/2026 20:17

"Bulk purchasing batteries for household efficiency" (i.e. prepping)
"Plays board games regularly"
"Has an ongoing battle with garden pests"

🤣🤣🤣🤣

DustyMaiden · 21/10/2026 20:41

I buy professional grade art supplies and like liquitex. I buy high end gaming products. I favour sugar free beverages. Probably play a musical instrument.

newrubylane · 21/10/2026 20:42

You have to love how Amazon phrases everything like it's writing your CV.

Ijwwm · 22/10/2026 01:23

Yay, got it into classics!

Hotandpointy · 22/10/2026 13:26

“Values decorative toilet paper holders”

Yep, that pretty much sums up my personality.

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