Page 5 | Omg what do I do now?

chocolatemuffin75 · 2026-02-19T22:04:35+00:00

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Planesmistakenforstars · 20/02/2026 18:56

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

A chance at what? She's not attracted to him. She doesn't owe a bloke a go at a date like she's a fairground ride, just because he's asked and he might be nice.

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2026 18:47

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/02/2026 18:43

They don’t have to be your type to have a connection.

What if ‘Your Type’ treated you terribly, cheated repeatedly, and Mr Not Your Type is devoted and worships the floor you walk on?

Basically saying not every nice looking/attractive person is as nice on the inside.

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

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God help and forgive me.

Women do not have to waste their wild and precious lives giving men "a chance".

Original poster

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 18:47

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/02/2026 18:43

They don’t have to be your type to have a connection.

What if ‘Your Type’ treated you terribly, cheated repeatedly, and Mr Not Your Type is devoted and worships the floor you walk on?

Basically saying not every nice looking/attractive person is as nice on the inside.

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

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True but there has to be a level of sexual chemistry in a relationship, and I don’t feel I would have this with this man.

OP posts:

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/02/2026 18:43

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 16:40

I know but I believe you have to have some initial attraction.

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They don’t have to be your type to have a connection.

What if ‘Your Type’ treated you terribly, cheated repeatedly, and Mr Not Your Type is devoted and worships the floor you walk on?

Basically saying not every nice looking/attractive person is as nice on the inside.

OP should give Mr Hoop a chance

Original poster

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 18:41

ThisGoatStandsFirmBringItOnVipers · 20/02/2026 18:30

Actually you didn't need to post anything on the Internet because you potentially feel or want us to believe he was dishonest rather than him just being a bit uncertain about himself possibly lacking in confidence. You really didn't need to post anything and could just have messaged him saying something has come up with family/work or whatever and you can't meet him anymore without mentioning anything about his appearance being off-putting to you personally. He will find someone who likes his whiskers/stubble and earring. And you will find someone who more appropriately pleases your eye.

That really wasn’t my aim at all, people can feel or believe whatever they want, and if he was lacking in confidence I don’t think he would have posted his new photo right before a meet up. I was just looking for opinions I guess.

OP posts:

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/02/2026 18:41

A lot of posters are falling over themselves to defend and deny using make-up etc to enhance or conceal their appearance. It's not necessary. That, too, is a patriarchal trap.
The male equivalent is showering, shaving, well-maintained hair, nicely dressed (including shoes), deodorant, cologne, well-kept physique, manners, etc.
Putting effort into one's appearance with best foot forward is not new and nothing to be ashamed of.
If a person cannot put any effort into their dating profile it tells you everything you need to know.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/02/2026 18:38

RampantIvy · 20/02/2026 16:58

But you still need the initial spark. A hooped earring and a beard would not even be a glimmer of a spark for me or the OP. If there is no spark at all then it is a waste of time.

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Where did I say anything about not having a spark? Or ignoring that part of it? You don’t need to be someone’s type to have a connection

nevernotmaybe · 20/02/2026 18:34

TaffetaPhrases · 20/02/2026 17:37

He’s a liar and he knows he is

Not great with logic, are you.

ThisGoatStandsFirmBringItOnVipers · 20/02/2026 18:30

Actually you didn't need to post anything on the Internet because you potentially feel or want us to believe he was dishonest rather than him just being a bit uncertain about himself possibly lacking in confidence. You really didn't need to post anything and could just have messaged him saying something has come up with family/work or whatever and you can't meet him anymore without mentioning anything about his appearance being off-putting to you personally. He will find someone who likes his whiskers/stubble and earring. And you will find someone who more appropriately pleases your eye.

Shellythesnail2333 · 20/02/2026 18:25

That’s the point of online dating you match with people you think you will be attracted to, and compatible with. No point clicking on people with traits that aren’t attractive to you. Im sure whiskers man will be snapped up soon, by a lady keen on beards! OP I’ve done online dating in the past, and men are so much worse at filtering out women, based physical traits they don’t like, from photos alone! They rarely give them ‘a chance’ just to see if they have an amazing personality. It’s whiskers man fault for having a blurry photo

Original poster

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 18:24

dapsnotplimsolls · 20/02/2026 18:07

Is it too soon to nominate this for Classics?!

that would be funny 😀

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2026 18:09

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/02/2026 17:57

Oooooooooh, let us know what he says. (I am invested now!)

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She has - at 0925 today.

He’s just replied saying
“oh the whiskers put you off?”

dapsnotplimsolls · 20/02/2026 18:07

Is it too soon to nominate this for Classics?!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/02/2026 17:57

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 17:38

no this was yesterday, I was due to meet him this afternoon, but I messaged him saying I don’t believe we are compatible.

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Oooooooooh, let us know what he says. (I am invested now!)

MilanoCortina2026 · 20/02/2026 17:54

BauhausOfEliott · 20/02/2026 17:17

Isn't that the fella who owns Glastonbury?

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I thought it was Uncle Fester.

CompanyOfThieves · 20/02/2026 17:47

I had a date with a man with stubble, earring, rugby shirt and trainers 🤑

I knew from the off he wasn't my type due to all these things.

We've been together now for 35 years.

Chatterlyssecret · 20/02/2026 17:39

Jack Sparrow look makes me think of Russel Brand. Yuck !!

Original poster

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 17:38

CharlieMM1 · 20/02/2026 17:26

He has changed his photo today because he knows you had no idea what he looked like. Now you do, and you he isn't your cup of tea. Fair enough! I think the kindest way to let him down would be to wait until tomorrow morning and say something like you have a sore throat and start of a cold and so you are going to have to reschedule. And then just never do.

no this was yesterday, I was due to meet him this afternoon, but I messaged him saying I don’t believe we are compatible.

OP posts:

TaffetaPhrases · 20/02/2026 17:37

He’s a liar and he knows he is

CharlieMM1 · 20/02/2026 17:26

He has changed his photo today because he knows you had no idea what he looked like. Now you do, and you he isn't your cup of tea. Fair enough! I think the kindest way to let him down would be to wait until tomorrow morning and say something like you have a sore throat and start of a cold and so you are going to have to reschedule. And then just never do.

BauhausOfEliott · 20/02/2026 17:24

Terfarina · 20/02/2026 17:20

you sounds like a misogynist man

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Or a woman who is desperately insecure about her own appearance.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/02/2026 17:23

BauhausOfEliott · 20/02/2026 17:22

Can't help feeling that the surprising number of women on Mumsnet who think you should date someone you find deeply physically unattractive just because he seems vaguely pleasant could shed some light on why there are so many threads on here from women who can't bring themselves to fuck their husbands more than twice a year.

😂 Good point!

BauhausOfEliott · 20/02/2026 17:22

Can't help feeling that the surprising number of women on Mumsnet who think you should date someone you find deeply physically unattractive just because he seems vaguely pleasant could shed some light on why there are so many threads on here from women who can't bring themselves to fuck their husbands more than twice a year.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 20/02/2026 17:21

What @Terfarina said ^

Terfarina · 20/02/2026 17:20

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/02/2026 15:33

I'll bet if most men saw you no make up they'd run a mile too OP. Women are very good at portraying themselves as different to what they are. Fake tan, eye lashes, spanx, push up bras, hair dye. Not to mention filters. It's quite deceptive. Maybe he is the kind of man that isn't so superficial and wants you to see him as he is? You could send him a picture of you as you really are to test this, if he cancels then you'll know he is also just into looks. That said, if you don't want to meet him then don't but at least admit that you are shallow and value looks above other traits and maybe narrow your searches next time.

you sounds like a misogynist man