Omg what do I do now?

the posters guilt tripping the OP are hilarious. Is thar offended men who think they are owed date because they are nice guys, or women who never allowed themselves to date based on both looks AND personality and not just personality alone?

yes, a woman is allowed to value not just personality. But also looks, physical attraction and financial situation (and political views, or whether he reads books, or outdoorsy or whatever else she values).

I have spent a full five minutes laughing at those drawings OP so thank you for that! 😂

It is. Trying to make people feel bad for wanting to be attracted to their partner is really odd.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous posts I have ever read on Mumsnet.

I find it really depressing that you’re saying you don’t want to meet this guy and have then been guilt tripped and criticised all the way through this thread for not being kind: for being judgemental and for being shallow.

OP is allowed to have standards. its crap like this that makes women feel compelled to act against instinct or desire, you can all stick your be kind pish in the bin. She is allowed to be as discerning as she wishes. We do not have to be kind when choosing a potential partner - unfortunately we need to be on our guard and listen to our instincts.

Personally I’d have no business with somebody who is clearly deceitful- to me that’s a massive red flag - and in fact when internet dating 20 years ago, I did ditch someone who had lied about his age, height and putup very old blurry photos. He was good looking and cool company in the flesh but I felt manipulated and couldn’t get past that.

I'd block him, definitely don't reply. There's no point in dragging out the communication when you're very clear on the fact you don't want to see him. (I'm very brutal with the block button, however, so my advice might not suit everyone 😂)

Are you suggesting that OP not use a chat forum for its intended function? Maybe you have a list of pre-approved topics we can post about

...but is that because he keeps you locked in a dark cubicle under the stairs?! 🤔😶

ETA: I hear you... my DH is the scruffiest man in the world. But in OP's case, the hoop earring adds a level of vanity/adornment that hints at really poor taste. I can imagine him sending a padded Valentine's card trimmed with lace 🤮

@chocolatemuffin75 how does it feel to have the Parrot Seal of Approval for your thread? 😀

What kind of parrots do you have? Give them kisses from me.

Some men have no sense of what is a good picture of themselves at all. My beautiful husband regularly sends me pictures of his double chin which doesn't actually exist in real life.

Maybe meet for an hour and then get away. Up to you but I'm a believer in real life encounters over online ones.

I've nothing to add to this, but wanted to say a big "thank you" for the chuckles before bed. I'm laughing out loud, with my parrots copying me particularly at the artwork in this post. I'd have been out at "bald", so whiskers and earrings wouldn't get a look in! Fair play to you for being honest with him.

That's not the same though is it? She had been with him for years and loved him for who he was. He wasn't just some guy on a dating app.

Yes, and our looks can change a lot. Sometimes we lose or gain weight, and illness can change someone from a supermodel into a person who might get nasty comments about their looks. A friend's partner put on 5 stone after a medical event, and his skin is awful from the meds (his words!). If she dumped him, wouldn't we all think that's bad (we would surely criticise a man for walking out in a similar situation)?
So if anyone is looking for a permanent relationship, looks surely shouldn't be the most important thing?

Exactly @BauhausOfEliott

"Attractive" doesn't have to mean "objectively gorgeous to absolutely everyone", just "attractive to me".

If you’re to settle for someone you can’t stand the thought of having sex with just because you’re desperate for a relationship and think you’re too old to find someone who is nice and physically attractive to you, that’s fine. You crack on.

But it isn’t ‘bizarre’ that other people feel that a successful relationship requires a degree of physical attraction as well as being nice and are happy to be discerning about that. Finding someone physically attractive doesn’t necessarily mean they’re conventionally good-looking, of course, but it does mean there’s something about them that makes you a) enjoy looking at them and b) want to touch them. Personally, I don’t feel that’s a great deal to ask.

Ah, come back here to find some posters are still regarding any woman who has ever had the temerity to actually fancy a man or find him sexually attractive as superficial. 😂 🙄

Well colour me superficial! I still fancy my 62 year old silver fox DH, and I'm glad I don't have to get drunk and wear a blindfold when I have sex with him.

I'll leave Quasimodo to those that are less shallow than I. You're welcome.

Agreed.

Don't engage with him further @chocolatemuffin75

Well no... 😂😂😂😂😂