Omg what do I do now?

OP i dont think you are shallow at all. He clearly uploaded a more recent photo before meeting you because he knew what he had online was not a good representation.
Everyone has preferences. Doesn't make people shallow. You are only going off photos initially on OLD 🤷‍♀️

I can’t quite believe how many people were trying to coerce you into going out with him anyway.

There’s nothing shallow at all about wanting to actually be physically attracted to your date. Some of these comments are insane.

On another one of my other previous disaster Tinder dates.

He messaged me saying he was there, but all I could see what an older guy meeting his description. He said he was 52 in his profile.
It turns out he was mid 60s as was planning to retire.
His photos were of him when he was about 50, so 15 years out of date. FML.

In hindsight I wish I said I had got lost and couldn't make it.

(It was a hike. A 5km one. After about 1km I thought he was going to have a heart attack he was wheezing so badly. And it was him who suggested it! 😂)

Omg stop. People are allowed to be physically attracted, or not, to somebody. I do think maybe OP should still meet him in real life, in a busy public place, just to make absolutely sure, and then it will be easier to say afterwards that she's not feeling it if that's still true.

> OR maybe he's drop dead gorgeous and has posted a shitty doctored photo to weed out the superficial ones.

This is more common than you might think

“Gosh, is that you? You look so different! Unfortunately, you’re not my type.”

See it as a lessoned learnt. Don’t chat with people you can’t see their picture. And don’t “settle” just because they’re the only person in your town.

If the OP was mostly put off by his conversation and then also didn't like his appearance then I wouldn't class that as shallow behavior at all.

However, despite the lacking conversations, the OP was still all set to meet up with him, which certainly seems to indicate that this wasn't a deal breaker for her.

His looks, on the other hand, absolutely were a deal breaker. Can you reread the first post and honestly not conclude that that is shallow behavior?

Tell him that.

Be honest.

I do not think you are shallow. There is a level of dishonesty in using old photos. I think there needs to be some level of attraction for a start.

To me a shallow person is only interested in the superficial.
Op already wasn’t sure about him from the chat but was giving him a chance. Now the picture confirms he isn’t what she wants.

Ironically if he says “I’m actually worth £20 million” and Op changed her mind about meeting him, that would indeed make her shallow.

“hey just letting you know I can’t make tomorrow, sorry, have a great day”
And you can stop replying from then on, you don’t owe anyone an explanation at this point

He’s deliberately misled you. But yet you’re worried about upsetting him. Either just meet him with an open mind or if the beard is that off putting just say ‘ the beard is a deal breaker for me so let’s move on now.’ Don’t even apologise for him misleading you with distant photos and don’t give it any more thought. Only you know what your boundaries are not us in here.

A friend who did OLD for a while said it was ridiculous how inaccurate many men's photos were, some of them were obviously their wedding photos with the bride cropped off 🤣

I'd reply "Wow, bit of a change there! Hope you're planning to shave before our meet up for a coffee."
If he's drop-dead offended, then you've got rid of him easily. If he shaves, turns up, and is actually better than the photos, bonus!!

I Googled asking when that look was popular for men:

The combination of stubble and a single earring became a prominently popular, mainstream look for men during the
late 1980s and throughout the 1990s. While earrings on men surfaced in mainstream fashion in the 1980s, the "rugged" look—combining stubble with a stud or small hoop earring—was heavily popularized by celebrities, musicians, and in1990s pop culture.

'Whiskers and earrings don't do it for me buddy. Hope you find what you are looking for. Cheers Muffin'.

I will say this my husband is not amazingly attractive - I didn’t feel it physically on the first or second date. I liked him and mentally and emotionally connected - but not physically until like he held my hand and kissed me then I felt it!

You are an adult woman and can choose whatever you want to do. If you have cold feet you can tell him that you want to meet for a quick coffee or that you have changed your mind - your choice.

I know from my husband that it is bloody hard for the decent ones online to meet someone.

Say you suffer from anxiety and today you're having a full on panic attack about the thought of going on a date, so you'll have to cancel. Add that you're going to take a break from dating while you seek further treatment so will wish him well to try dating others.