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Original poster

Omg what do I do now?

620 replies

chocolatemuffin75 · 19/02/2026 22:04

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

OP posts:
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14
Araminta1003 · 20/02/2026 11:26

Jacob Elordi had a beard in the first part of Wuthering Heights but then not later on. It makes a huge difference to appearance. But clearly it can be shaven off. If he is otherwise good looking apart from the beard I would go. Tell him to send you another pic pre beard.

Disturbia81 · 20/02/2026 11:24

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 11:13

Not what I’m looking for though and I couldn’t have sex with someone I’m not attracted too.

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No of course you can’t have sex with someone you’re not attracted to, I was replying to someone else.
I meant the conversation not being great wouldn’t have been an issue if you were just looking for a bit of fun with a good looking man.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 11:23

dentalflosser · 20/02/2026 11:15

I haven’t read the whole thread yet but years ago when I was internet dating (the dark days of no smartphones) I was chatting with a man who was very nice, handsome photos, said he was the MD of a large company. Met up with him to discover his photos must have been taken about 15 years previously, he still lived with his Mum, his company was a tiny building firm doing property development but none of the developed houses had sold and he was in debt up to his eyeballs.
If he had been truthful I would have been fine about all of it, but I can’t cope with lying. It’s a huge red flag for me.

It’s a tricky one as in one sense he has lied, but by posting a very new photo just before we were due to meet has kind of worked in his favour or so he thought, what I mean is he probably thinks oh I should be honest with her and post a new photo, but it’s to late for me.

OP posts:
Araminta1003 · 20/02/2026 11:22

Has it occurred to you that recently growing a beard may be because he read somewhere that that is fashionable? And might not be his thing really either. If it’s because he is shoddy and lazy to shave that’s one thing. If it’s to be like a trend like the gym trend, it’s another thing entirely.

jjourneys · 20/02/2026 11:18

The pics (and mental picture) of my now other half I went by on his Tinder profile are VERY different to the actual man I’ve now been with the last 12 years! I imagined him to be ex-Forces and he was anything but!

Go for the date, it doesn’t hurt. x

queenofthebongo · 20/02/2026 11:18

chocolatemuffin75 · 19/02/2026 22:15

No he’s just messaged saying I might not recognise him as he’s grown some whiskers.

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Surely the easiest thing is to reply to this message and say you are not keen on beards and whiskers. Either take a rain check at this point or warn him anyway and see how it goes.
But warn him now - he has said I have grown a beard so your next message should say -" ooh I only like clean shaven. Not sure this will work." It's not impolite...

dentalflosser · 20/02/2026 11:15

I haven’t read the whole thread yet but years ago when I was internet dating (the dark days of no smartphones) I was chatting with a man who was very nice, handsome photos, said he was the MD of a large company. Met up with him to discover his photos must have been taken about 15 years previously, he still lived with his Mum, his company was a tiny building firm doing property development but none of the developed houses had sold and he was in debt up to his eyeballs.
If he had been truthful I would have been fine about all of it, but I can’t cope with lying. It’s a huge red flag for me.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 11:14

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 20/02/2026 11:05

Okay so when you thought he was better looking you didn't mind that the conversations were a bit shit. 😂

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I’ve never thought he was better looking though.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 11:13

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 20/02/2026 11:11

Why were you planning to meet someone you didn't have good conversations with and couldn't see properly?

Because I’m bonkers

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 11:13

Disturbia81 · 20/02/2026 11:06

Well might have been good for a few dates and some sex.

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Not what I’m looking for though and I couldn’t have sex with someone I’m not attracted too.

OP posts:
MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 20/02/2026 11:11

Why were you planning to meet someone you didn't have good conversations with and couldn't see properly?

allthingsinmoderation · 20/02/2026 11:10

it's your choice wether to meet him or not.
If you have decided not after seeing amore candid photo of him, thats your prerogative.
Sometime people look better IRL than an unflattering photo but bottom line is it's up to you.

Disturbia81 · 20/02/2026 11:06

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 20/02/2026 11:05

Okay so when you thought he was better looking you didn't mind that the conversations were a bit shit. 😂

Show quote history

Well might have been good for a few dates and some sex.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 20/02/2026 11:05

chocolatemuffin75 · 19/02/2026 22:19

Yes I’m serious he just looks really scruffy, I mean he could be a lovely person, but to be honest our conversations weren’t exactly great anyway.

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Okay so when you thought he was better looking you didn't mind that the conversations were a bit shit. 😂

Gloriia · 20/02/2026 10:58

user1492757084 · 20/02/2026 10:52

I'd still go, Op.
Meeting him will give you a real reason to like him, or not.
You will either feel a romantic connection, or not.
That is a kinder revelation to give him, as to why you will discontinue seeing him.
And it might be that you like him and his looks are Daniel Craig rugged rather than scruffy.

She's cancelled.

BecauseYoureWorthIt · 20/02/2026 10:53

UniquePinkSwan · 20/02/2026 08:43

It’s him that will have dodged a bullet

Oh come on, “dodged a bullet” because she isn’t attracted to him? 🙄

user1492757084 · 20/02/2026 10:52

I'd still go, Op.
Meeting him will give you a real reason to like him, or not.
You will either feel a romantic connection, or not.
That is a kinder revelation to give him, as to why you will discontinue seeing him.
And it might be that you like him and his looks are Daniel Craig rugged rather than scruffy.

MikeRafone · 20/02/2026 10:51

chocolatemuffin75 · 19/02/2026 22:04

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

You're not a right cow - you've been hoodwinked by older photos. As you say why couldn't he have been truthful from the start, instead he has lied and that is totally on him and mot in the slightest on you

user1476613140 · 20/02/2026 10:48

It's not everyone that's into the pirate look. Fair do's.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 10:48

BuckChuckets · 20/02/2026 10:40

You can (and should) cancel meeting because you don't like the look of him, but I don't understand you having 'high standards' when you arranged to meet someone you couldn't even see clearly in his pictures and who had dead chat 😂

Tell him you're not interested, block him, and then actually get some standards.

Yes I can see what you’re saying 😂

OP posts:
budster08 · 20/02/2026 10:46

Why do people do that with their pics! It’s ridiculous when you will be meeting up. I would go but get a friend or family to ring you after 15 mins. If you find him attractive and want to stay just text back and say everything is ok. If he’s a right minger, make your excuses and leave!

user1476613140 · 20/02/2026 10:45

DH used to wear black lipstick 💄 back in the day (way before I met him!) I probably would have ran a mile tbf🤣

Just call it off and say you've changed your mind. Don't make lame excuses. Just tell it like it is.

Gloriia · 20/02/2026 10:45

I see you've messaged him now to say no thanks but honestly op going forward you owe people nothing. You'd been talking for a week just say sorry can't make it, block and move on next time.

MargoLivebetter · 20/02/2026 10:40

@chocolatemuffin75 you never need to justify choosing not to meet a stranger - never, ever to no one. Stay courteous, stay polite but do not justify your choice not to meet someone.