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Original poster

Omg what do I do now?

620 replies

chocolatemuffin75 · 19/02/2026 22:04

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

OP posts:
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CurvedPoint · 20/02/2026 13:29

JustMyView13 · 20/02/2026 13:28

Being called a gold digger, when talking about men with no gold is HILARIOUS 😂

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I was assuming the earring was gold tbf!!

JustMyView13 · 20/02/2026 13:28

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 12:18

Thank you for your words of wisdom! Which some people clearly lack on this thread, I’ve never been called a gold digger in my life 😂

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Being called a gold digger, when talking about men with no gold is HILARIOUS 😂

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 20/02/2026 13:27

I can tell you for certain that a man would definitely dump a woman who did this. I’ve heard men say they left immediately when their date turned up and didn’t look the same as in her pictures.
Several have just turned and walked away without spending any time at all on the date.
Posting old photographs or misleading photographs isn’t on. The op has every right to discard someone for any reason she wants, she isn’t a charity case.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:22

SpaceRaccoon · 20/02/2026 13:15

Okay so for next time - get AI to change a current picture of you to be several stone heavier and several years older, and make your hair grey, and then send it with "here's the latest one", then you won't have to dump anyone.

Not my style though.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:19

Portugal1987 · 20/02/2026 13:16

Do you think he may have done it on purpose to make you feel awkward and can’t back out anymore?

Yes I do, but it back fired on him 😀

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 20/02/2026 13:19

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:54

Because of an earring? It screams toxic masculinity if a man cant be attractive to a woman cos he wears an earring

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I don’t think that’s what toxic masculinity means.

Sodthesystem · 20/02/2026 13:18

Only read page one but I'd just say 'going to be honest mate, I hate beards, like, they give me the actusl Willies. And I don't want you to feel you need to stay shaved all the time if it's not your normal so I don't think we fit'.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:17

mumuseli · 20/02/2026 13:14

Aw maybe you should reply to say something like "yes that's right, sorry" - just so it's clear to him!
(Up to you though of course!)

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I’m not sorry though, he should be the one saying sorry

OP posts:
Portugal1987 · 20/02/2026 13:16

Do you think he may have done it on purpose to make you feel awkward and can’t back out anymore?

BunnyLake · 20/02/2026 13:15

Oh Lordy this happened to me in my brief attempt at OLD year’s ago. His profile photo was really nice and we chatted online for about a week and then agreed to meet for a coffee. He sent me a photo he’d just taken so I’d recognise him and I think my stomach dropped out my toes! I was literally in shock and panic. He looked nothing like his profile pic. He looked liked a weathered old man. I try not to be too looks focused but when you’ve been set up by a photo more like Brad Pitt then they send you another, the night before, looking more like Rupert Murdoch, you’ve got a right to be angry! I told him straight, I might have even sounded mean (which I’m not in normal life) but I was furious, I felt set up. I actually cancelled and removed my membership after that and have never tried OLD since.

SpaceRaccoon · 20/02/2026 13:15

Okay so for next time - get AI to change a current picture of you to be several stone heavier and several years older, and make your hair grey, and then send it with "here's the latest one", then you won't have to dump anyone.

mumuseli · 20/02/2026 13:14

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:06

I didn’t and wouldn’t ghost him, I just sent a message saying I don’t think we are compatible, he replied “ oh have the whiskers put you off” I don’t think that’s worthy of a reply in my eyes.

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Aw maybe you should reply to say something like "yes that's right, sorry" - just so it's clear to him!
(Up to you though of course!)

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:06

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/02/2026 13:01

If you’re going to ghost you can’t ghost straight after he’s updated the photo as that would be unkind to their self esteem. You need to put off the date for some reason and buy yourself some time and then a fictitious ex boyfriend could come back into your life and you could dear John this perspective date and then ghost.

I didn’t and wouldn’t ghost him, I just sent a message saying I don’t think we are compatible, he replied “ oh have the whiskers put you off” I don’t think that’s worthy of a reply in my eyes.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2026 13:03

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/02/2026 13:01

If you’re going to ghost you can’t ghost straight after he’s updated the photo as that would be unkind to their self esteem. You need to put off the date for some reason and buy yourself some time and then a fictitious ex boyfriend could come back into your life and you could dear John this perspective date and then ghost.

OP HAS CANCELLED THE CHEQUE DATE

Why the heck should she go through all this faff? She's only been chatting to him for a week. "Thanks, but no thanks" is all that's needed.

Original poster
chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 13:03

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:45

If the reason you don’t like him is cos he has stubble and earring no wonder you are single

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There must be an awful lot of single people in the world then.

OP posts:
EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/02/2026 13:01

If you’re going to ghost you can’t ghost straight after he’s updated the photo as that would be unkind to their self esteem. You need to put off the date for some reason and buy yourself some time and then a fictitious ex boyfriend could come back into your life and you could dear John this perspective date and then ghost.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 20/02/2026 12:59

OP, I’ve done a bit of internet dating. If you’re not feeling it from the conversations or his looks better to state that now. I once dated a man I didn’t find that attractive for 4 months. Great sex and ok company but that was about it.

Shedmistress · 20/02/2026 12:57

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:54

Because of an earring? It screams toxic masculinity if a man cant be attractive to a woman cos he wears an earring

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Say what now?

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:54

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 20/02/2026 12:47

Well you go on a date with someone you’re not attracted to then.

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Because of an earring? It screams toxic masculinity if a man cant be attractive to a woman cos he wears an earring

Butterytoastandtea · 20/02/2026 12:52

RosePippi · 20/02/2026 12:38

People may say it’s shallow but I completly agree with you. I could never date a man who wore an earring, particularly a hoop.

It’s an instant turn off for me, I feel how I feel and that’s it! Everyone has their turn offs, it’s ok if a hoop earring is one for you. I actually don’t wear jewellery myself as I’m not a huge fan so it’s not double standards 😂.

Id cancel, don’t waste yours or his time. You will find someone who doesn’t wear jewellery and say the word “whiskers”.

Yes the word "whiskers" is the most peculiar thing about this. What age are we talking here? Surely 60+

Butterytoastandtea · 20/02/2026 12:50

chocolatemuffin75 · 20/02/2026 12:25

Actually I work, pay my own bills, don’t claim any benefits and certainly don’t need a man for money, you have actually insulted me.

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To be clear - if it wasn't blindingly obvious from the strand in this conversation to which I was responding, the "she" in question is the hypothetical "she" in the scenario put forward by the previous poster who said people wouldn't judge a woman a gold digger if her date had initially claimed to be extremely wealthy and then revealed he was not. I was saying that person in this hypothetical situation would be a gold digger in my eyes. The poster pointed out that the potential partner had been a liar, but to that I countered that almost every woman would have been able to overlook that in a reverse situation (pretended to be poor, revealed himself to actually be wealthy)

So, you can see I was not calling you a goldigger

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/02/2026 12:50

Surely you just do what most sensible people do and ghost them 👻

SheilaFentiman · 20/02/2026 12:48

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:45

If the reason you don’t like him is cos he has stubble and earring no wonder you are single

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It’s better to be single than to be dating someone you aren’t attracted to, whether the lack of attraction is physical, personality based, or a combination of both.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 20/02/2026 12:47

Emonade · 20/02/2026 12:45

If the reason you don’t like him is cos he has stubble and earring no wonder you are single

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Well you go on a date with someone you’re not attracted to then.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 20/02/2026 12:46

The earrings and facial hair are red herrings. He decided to go on online dating which is predominantly based on initial looks ie only a good photo gets you a right swipe to show off your dazzling personality, and he chose old blurry photos in which he looks significantly different. He knew that yet still did it. Good choice to back out of it OP.

How about having a very early video call next time you’re texting? It can be just a five minute thing, not too much.

And…….gold digger? Wut?