That annoying guest - what is their christmas crime?

Having the dangly bit/ loose end up against the wall is wrong. It should hang on the room side iyswim. Mainly because, if you have tiles, the condensation from the shower makes the loo paper stick to the wall and become papier mache!

I know it’s irrational and idiotic, which is why I would only mention it anonymously on the internet.

This with bells on except instead of standing in the middle of the kitchen ( which is not massive anyway ) he stand behind me and talks over my shoulder one day I am going to lob a burning hot roast potato onto his bald head 😡

BIL's girlfriends who don't understand (and in one case ignored) that we don't "charge guests for Christmas dinner" but actually as a family we all split the cost and although it's in our house we don't actually host as such.

MIL decorates the dining room and the tables.
SIL, DH and their cousin do all the cooking, shopping and planning.

It just happens to be in our house as we have the most space. Started when FIL started to have failing health and then continued after he had to go into a care home and MIL moved in with us. Family have refused to all come if we don't allow a chipping in scenario as 20-28 of us for Christmas Eve, Christmas dinner and Boxing Day is obviously expensive.

Still. Every one of BIL's last three girlfriends have made snide comments about it. Including one who actually argued with DH and BiL's aunty that we were still being rude allowing the contributions whilst sat on our sofa on Boxing Day having stayed here since the 23rd!

Uncle who has showed up with his children and grandchildren for 50 years, while never contributing with anything, no food, no alcohol, no presents or hostess gifts for the host couple. Always complaining that his favourite dish isn't on the buffet.
He is the only one in the company who eats it and it can be bought ready made in most grocery stores.

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the women was saying the pressure of cooking the perfect Xmas Dinner is unachievable as everyone likes their food different. no one person eats the same so take the pressure off as your not going to please everyone
I like my food and am getting better but to me I enjoy it by mashing it up together. its I still get some texture and flavours it's not fully mashed. I am not disregarding anyone's work I am always delighted ti be invited for dinner and my plate is cleared

This made me chuckle 😁

@QuirkyMoose the word you are looking for is segue 😁

Segue (verb/noun)
Meaning: A smooth transition from one thing to another.
Example: "The band will segue from the slow song into the upbeat one," or "That's a great segue into our next point".

Segway (noun)
Meaning: The specific brand of personal transporter device.
Example: "He rode his Segway to the store".

Trick to remember:
segue: has a 'u', like "uninterrupted" or "transition".
Segway: is the brand name, like a "way" to get around.

I usually ask them to leave the kitchen as they are always in the way. I ask politely but if that doesn't work I very firmly tell them to go away. They do. Works for me.

I think the reason people find it unpleasant to watch is for the same reason as I hated it when my XH did it. Someone has carefully cooked food for its individual textures and flavours and the mashing it all up together implies that you have disregarded all their hard work and don't really care how it looks or tastes.

I realise that in your case this isn't true and you are perfectly entitled to eat in the way that suits you best. But this is why people don't like it.

lucky none of my family friends relatives etc think it is

if you read some of my posts I had a very bad experience with food growing up which more likely has caused me to eat the way I am which is why I will NEVER EVER comment on how people eat

Chewing your food into a homogeneous paste is a process that is supposed to take place inside your closed mouth, not on the plate for everyone to have to see. It’s off putting and gross.

DPIL would start serving themselves then eating before everyone else was sat down.

We solved this by setting the table, putting serving dishes on the table but the last person to the table brought cutlery and serving spoons.

DPIL were lovely people but had forgotren that they werent the only people eating.

My SIL who, as soon as she arrives, comes and stands right next to me in the kitchen whilst I'm trying to prepare the dinner. She follows me all over my tiny kitchen and asks me some really deep questions and expects detailed answers. I feel like screaming at her to just go away, go and sit down and chat to the other guests but no, she sticks to me like a limpet, never offering to help and just generally getting in the way!

its not a mess it's not slop yes I add butter if not allready added - its not in our house due to milk allergies - yes I add a bit of veg and mash it up with gravy. it's appealing to me. My plate is cleared at end no mess left
my husband loves steak cooked rare with as much red juice coming from middle as possible I find that un appealing but I don't comment or judge how he eats

I don't look at other people's food nor judge how they eat.

My mother was an absolute stickler for manners, many of which are now quite dated. But she insisted that, if the chef had wanted to make mashed potatoes, she would have made mashed potatoes. Mashing up your food like a baby would have been called out, loudly, to us as children and adults. I am not so rude as to say anything to MiL. Not even 30 years ago. But it utterly revolts me. I have to ensure I can’t see her eat as it really is stomach churning watching the food churning. But, at 91, she is set in her ways and her own critical nastiness has been blunted with age. So, I sit away from her and try not to look. If we didn’t have to invite her (ie she was friend, not family) she would be unwelcome.

My mil will get drunk and talk about herself the whole day and then invariably say something offensive .
My bil and sil will be themselves . My sil is one of the rusdest most miserable people you have ever had the misfortune to come across. My bil is lovely mostly but has a real weird sense of self . Yey will talk about themselves invariable for the whole afternoon .

Because the other things are food preferences rather than making a mess while you're eating?

Am I visualising it wrongly? I get if you're just tucking a bit of butter and gravy onto the same fork as the potato, but the way you described it, it sounds like actually mixing everything up on the plate. I would find that odd and unappealing, yes.

MIL has severe FOMO and every event must be eventy to the bitter end.

We've had dinner for 3h at a restaurant with 5 courses, coffee and a prolonged exit, it's 9pm on a Sunday and we've got an hour drive home? "Why don't you pop to ours for tea first?"

Husband and I have an evening date on a joint holiday whilst they go out with friends? She locked us out of the holiday house to force us to join them out. (Joke was on her, we were supposed to be TTC the grandchild she desperately wanted).

Christmas Day? FIL stuck not drinking and wants to be home in time for Gavin and Stacey. BIL and SIL need to feed the dog. Me and husband sat uncomfortable on the floor because there's not enough seats for everyone. "Shall we open another bottle and start a new game?"

I really pissed her off one year because me and DH arrived together for their annual Christmas do, but he was going elsewhere. I left early because I think that 6h is a ridiculously long time to be sober at ILs. I started an exodus of people who were just waiting for someone to leave (DH said most people left within 30m of me 3h in).

You’ve decanted cream into a jug and she licks it with her tounge? Not her finger? That’s so disgusting and weird to do in someone else’s house

why not? if I want to eat it then why not? what difference is it to my husband taking the leg of a turkey instead k breast of my mother in law saying no to brushless sprouts as she doesn't eat them. why is the way I like to eat food such an issue.

My XH used to do the 'mashing all the food up into one homogenous mass' thing. Used to drive me crazy! I'd carefully cook all these lovely flavours and textures and he'd mash it all up like babyfood and shovel it in. Luckily it does not seem to be genetic and the kids all eat beautifully. Although younger DS and I are in a war of attrition over toilet rolls. Whenever he comes to mine he turns the roll over so it (incorrectly) comes off the top. So when I go to his house, I turn his round so it comes (properly) off the bottom. Neither of us mention it but we both know the other is doing it....

Thank you! I have to find it funny or terrible things would happen.

Oh god, some of my DH family members are like this. One year I remember while my MiL and I we were bringing food to the table and sorting out the kid’s plates at the table, the people at the other end of the table helped themselves to so much food that MiL and I had missed out on most of the food. It was so selfish, it was comical - they literally had their plates piled high, while we had less food than the toddlers. We couldn’t even redistribute the servings, because they also started eating before we’d plated our food.

Yeah, but in private, right? You wouldn't do it at someone else's Christmas dinner table.

@SarahAndQuack you have such an engaging way of writing! Love the way you wrote your post. The detail of the effects on DD was hilarious 👌🏾😊

no I can't sorry..its the way I have eaten for majority of my life everyone eats differently
I have a huge aversion to food due to being forced fed as a child or left sitting there for hours for not eating my dinner or given it the next day. I survived on nothing as a teenager. And struggled to put on weight would eat the same thing every single day. it's only when I met my now husband I actually started trying new foods..there are still certain foods I won't eat and certain smells make me sick. I can only manage small portions too. I am still invited to dinner to relatives etc and no one no one has commented that my way of eating is bad manners.