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Original poster

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
lazyarse123 · 31/08/2025 16:52

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 31/08/2025 16:18

I do like Snape Maltings.

while we’re on the topic of naice places does anyone know if Weetons on the outskirts of Harrogate is worth a trip? Saw a tiktok and it looked nice but there are some scathing tripadvisor reviews.

We live near there. If you're in the area it's nice to walk round especially at Christmas but I don't think I'd make a special trip. It was just before Christmas last year when we went though.

hotchocdrinker · 31/08/2025 16:47

So, update of sorts… the staff remember Alan and mrs well. There was a lot of shouting! The side table
itself is apparently not on the shop floor and I don’t know if Alan got the table or not, sorry!!

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 16:42

AtlanticStar · 31/08/2025 16:22

Who's Alan?

Have you read the op?

Alan bought a table, Mrs Alan didn’t want the table and made a scene. Alan refused to cancel the order.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 16:38

Pluvia · 31/08/2025 16:05

I mentioned this thread to my partner and she is adamant that last time we were there (2023) dogs weren't allowed into the furniture store. We tend to be in the area around Christmas and so we walk the dogs by the river to wear them out, then leave them in the car while we have a browse and something to eat in the pub, which is v civilised too.

Show quote history

I clear recall this time seeing a sign that said ‘no paws on floors’ which I took to mean that dogs should be carried.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 16:36

hotchocdrinker · 31/08/2025 15:27

@WonderfulSmithaaagh! I’ll pop back later and see what I can do!!

The side table in question was to the right of the sofa as you look at it.

OP posts:
CheerfulBunny · 31/08/2025 16:36

Snape Maltings is lovely, v swish - they used to do a fabulous Sunday roast. Expensive though, I bet the side table was an arm & a leg!

the80sweregreat · 31/08/2025 16:27

Atlantic star
Alan is the man who wanted to purchase the table at a place called snape maltings.

AtlanticStar · 31/08/2025 16:22

Who's Alan?

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 31/08/2025 16:18

I do like Snape Maltings.

while we’re on the topic of naice places does anyone know if Weetons on the outskirts of Harrogate is worth a trip? Saw a tiktok and it looked nice but there are some scathing tripadvisor reviews.

lotsofpatience · 31/08/2025 16:17

Is this the thread we make fun of someone being abused just because it's a man?
Good to know.

FortuneFaded · 31/08/2025 16:16

Can we cast Penelope Keith as one of the shoppers who lingered at the candles listening to the drama? She could be out with Helen Mirren, and they could exchange looks.

This could also be the start of a Broadchurch season. Alan is missing. The remains of a side table are evident in the dying embers in a naice fire pit (purchased from Snape Maltings of course). The dog is pining for Alan, but daren’t show Mrs Alan it has chosen a side.

booksnbaking · 31/08/2025 16:11

CrystalMighty · 31/08/2025 14:57

There truly are some magnificently brilliant people on Mumsnet 👏👏

In awe of all of you!

Show quote history

This, in spades. No, wait. What’s better than spades? Bulldozers?

FollowSpot · 31/08/2025 16:10

AuxArmesCitoyens · 31/08/2025 15:49

I want an Alan Bennett Talking Heads about this

I want a Joyce Grenfell monologue: she used to perform at Snape Maltings

Snazzysausage · 31/08/2025 16:07

Well poor old Alan.
I'm with Mrs Alan on the aesthetics of the tables, they are horrible.
But ...poor Alan. How embarrassing.
I can be forthright but have never shouted at anyone or made a scene in public.
Yet.

Pluvia · 31/08/2025 16:05

TheHillsIsLonely · 31/08/2025 15:49

I thought Snape Maltings was in Norfolk, so you learn something new every day.

I'm amused by the idea of having to carry our (giant) dog in to Snape Maltings. One person at the front, one in the middle, one at the rear! Perhaps it would be easier to dress him up in country casuals suitable for Suffolk - pink trousers, checked shirt, deerstalker, country boots? - and get him to walk in to Snape Maltings on his hind legs.

He's not really suitable for the role of 'dog under table' unless you want the table to levitate several feet in the air when he stands up, as has happened with a coffee table in our house several times in the past.

I mentioned this thread to my partner and she is adamant that last time we were there (2023) dogs weren't allowed into the furniture store. We tend to be in the area around Christmas and so we walk the dogs by the river to wear them out, then leave them in the car while we have a browse and something to eat in the pub, which is v civilised too.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 31/08/2025 15:58

@FortuneFaded @gillefc82 How fabulous you both are! Really made me chuckle 😄

TheHillsIsLonely · 31/08/2025 15:52

Ellmau · 31/08/2025 15:36

The dog curls up beneath it.
No no, the finale surely consists of the dog lifting its leg on the table.

This however he could achieve and from a great height for dramatic effect.

AuxArmesCitoyens · 31/08/2025 15:49

I want an Alan Bennett Talking Heads about this

TheHillsIsLonely · 31/08/2025 15:49

I thought Snape Maltings was in Norfolk, so you learn something new every day.

I'm amused by the idea of having to carry our (giant) dog in to Snape Maltings. One person at the front, one in the middle, one at the rear! Perhaps it would be easier to dress him up in country casuals suitable for Suffolk - pink trousers, checked shirt, deerstalker, country boots? - and get him to walk in to Snape Maltings on his hind legs.

He's not really suitable for the role of 'dog under table' unless you want the table to levitate several feet in the air when he stands up, as has happened with a coffee table in our house several times in the past.

lcakethereforeIam · 31/08/2025 15:47

My reckon is Mrs Alan has been saying for months/years 'we need a side table'. Something they both agree on. Perhaps the previous one was ruined by tealights. However, every single one she's vetoed, possibly for well thought through reasons (wrong colour, wrong size, not actually a table). Often though just petty nitpicking. Finally Alan has had enough and just bought the bloody thing. Mrs Alan actually preferred the act of shopping for a table than the reality of buying one. Now Alan has ruined that for her but she can't say that, she'd sound unhinged.

In the film, Tom Hardy is her bit on the side that she complains about her husband too.

Neil Innes is dead!?😢

When do they get the Christmas baubles in? I've got a bit of a problem, but I can give them up anytime.

AntonDuPig · 31/08/2025 15:43

@Boiledbeetle Bravo! 👏
I can just see this as a Couple's Choice in this year's Strictly 😄

Clafoutie · 31/08/2025 15:42

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2025 12:28

Whenever a Mumsnet thread turns nasty and I think of packing it in a thread like this reminds me what I like about it.

Completely agree!

Clafoutie · 31/08/2025 15:40

hotchocdrinker · 31/08/2025 15:20

Unfortunately I couldn’t speak to the staff as they were all busy. But, photo of green sofa and several coffee tables is attached if OP can identify the table in question?!

If Alan’s table was anything like any of those in this picture, then I feel myself going over to #TeamAlansWife 😦

Ellmau · 31/08/2025 15:36

The dog curls up beneath it.
No no, the finale surely consists of the dog lifting its leg on the table.