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Original poster

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/08/2025 23:55

OP, obvs you need to go back tomorrow in dark glasses and false moustache, and say in a disguised voice,

"My friend Alan was in here buying a table.... I'm ever so keen to get one just the same, which one was it?"

This will provide a natural, convincing opener for you to ask the staff all about it.

Zonder · 30/08/2025 23:55

musicalfrog · 30/08/2025 23:50

I wonder why he ordered a table (a household purchase) while his wife was actually in the vicinity and DIDN'T ask her opinion.

I'm thinking Alan's a bit of an arse tbh.

Nah I'm Team Alan. He's had years of her making all the decisions and just this once he wants a table the right height for his cup of tea, so he doesn't have to just sit holding it all the way through the Sewing Bee (which his wife chooses to watch). I hope he didn't back down this time like he did over the leather reclining armchair last year.

musicalfrog · 30/08/2025 23:50

I wonder why he ordered a table (a household purchase) while his wife was actually in the vicinity and DIDN'T ask her opinion.

I'm thinking Alan's a bit of an arse tbh.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 30/08/2025 23:49

Alan's spending the night on the sofa at Snape Maltings

FWIW I like the table.

Ellmau · 30/08/2025 23:45

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:34

It’s not a table I would pick either.

Small type dog. I couldn’t really look. You’ve never seen a place so full of people very closely inspecting candlesticks and soap while not looking.

Show quote history

You're obviously all very polite in Snape. I'm not sure I could have looked away.

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:40

lcakethereforeIam · 30/08/2025 23:23

Is anyone on X, or Facegram, or Instabook!? I bet the Maltings are on there.

#TeamAlan

They are on instagram but no Alan update.

OP posts:
SideTableAlan · 30/08/2025 23:39

Team Alan here of course.

Ohmygodthepain · 30/08/2025 23:38

TellHimYourName · 30/08/2025 22:52

a perfectly innocent side table

😂

l want to know now

I bet it isn't

That table KNOWS shit, and Mrs Alan is running SCARED

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:34

Ellmau · 30/08/2025 23:31

TBF I don't much like those tables either.

More importantly, what sort of dog?

It’s not a table I would pick either.

Small type dog. I couldn’t really look. You’ve never seen a place so full of people very closely inspecting candlesticks and soap while not looking.

OP posts:
Ellmau · 30/08/2025 23:31

TBF I don't much like those tables either.

More importantly, what sort of dog?

TheaBrandt1 · 30/08/2025 23:29

We once witnessed an epic family row at a busy restaurant. Our kids were wide eyed. Realised we had deprived them of a dramatic upbringing as we never really have rows.

Scalextricks · 30/08/2025 23:27

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 30/08/2025 23:24

Yeah I wouldn’t like it either. Saying that there are paintings in this house I detest and I bite my tongue as it’s dh’s house too. However I swear they’re coming down before he’s even cold if I outlive him. 😁

Show quote history
Grin Same. I tolerate the pictures he brought with him.

But if he spent £175 on something for the house that I didn't help choose, when money was tight (for instance) I would be rightly cross.

Boiledbeetle · 30/08/2025 23:26

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:17

Good call. The problem is that not everything they sell is on the website. It might have been this one shop.snapemaltings.co.uk/collections/coffee-tables-side-tables-and-stools/products/yaxley-round-side-table

Show quote history

I hope he ordered the matching coffee table as well before he left.

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 30/08/2025 23:24

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:17

Good call. The problem is that not everything they sell is on the website. It might have been this one shop.snapemaltings.co.uk/collections/coffee-tables-side-tables-and-stools/products/yaxley-round-side-table

Show quote history

Yeah I wouldn’t like it either. Saying that there are paintings in this house I detest and I bite my tongue as it’s dh’s house too. However I swear they’re coming down before he’s even cold if I outlive him. 😁

lcakethereforeIam · 30/08/2025 23:23

Is anyone on X, or Facegram, or Instabook!? I bet the Maltings are on there.

#TeamAlan

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:20

FollowSpot · 30/08/2025 23:00

And you didn’t get a surreptitious pic of the side table so that we could make a meaningful decision as to whether we are Team Alan or not?

Tsk.

I’m looking for it on their instagram.

Is anyone going tomorrow? Can you take a picture? Ask the staff if Alan got his table.

OP posts:
Scalextricks · 30/08/2025 23:19

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:17

Good call. The problem is that not everything they sell is on the website. It might have been this one shop.snapemaltings.co.uk/collections/coffee-tables-side-tables-and-stools/products/yaxley-round-side-table

Show quote history

I'm team Alanswife then

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:19

jonthebatiste · 30/08/2025 23:04

Now THIS is what MN is for!! I don’t know who Alan is, I don’t know what Snape Maltings is, but I need to know whether Alan prevailed!

I need to know! DH wouldn’t let me hang around to find out. I caught the eye of another woman and we agreed that we both felt sorry for Alan.

OP posts:
Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:17

dapsnotplimsolls · 30/08/2025 23:08

Here are the side tables - which one was it? 😁

Coffee Tables, Side Tables and Stools – Snape Maltings

Good call. The problem is that not everything they sell is on the website. It might have been this one shop.snapemaltings.co.uk/collections/coffee-tables-side-tables-and-stools/products/yaxley-round-side-table

OP posts:
PrincessFluffyPants · 30/08/2025 23:09

I'm invested in this thread even though I don't know Alan, Snape Maltings (what?where?) or even if the side table was fugly.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 30/08/2025 23:06

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:52

Alan didn’t say a word the whole time. She came in shouting ‘you’ve done what? What table?’ Alan indicates the table. ‘Oh bloody hell, oh that’s horrible, oh it’s disgusting. And you’ve ordered it? Well you can just bloody cancel it then’.
She then stomped out, carrying the dog.
Alan then went over to the cash desk and said ‘I’m in trouble, I’m not going to cancel though.’

Show quote history

😂

jonthebatiste · 30/08/2025 23:04

Now THIS is what MN is for!! I don’t know who Alan is, I don’t know what Snape Maltings is, but I need to know whether Alan prevailed!

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 30/08/2025 23:02

It’s a bloody side table! How bad can one of those really be. The he only reason I’d be irritated by a side table in our house is there’s nowhere to put it without falling over it.

Anyahyacinth · 30/08/2025 23:02

FollowSpot · 30/08/2025 23:00

And you didn’t get a surreptitious pic of the side table so that we could make a meaningful decision as to whether we are Team Alan or not?

Tsk.

😆