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Original poster

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
SummerTomatoes · 31/08/2025 02:01

There a Hepworth and a Moore there.

#TeamAlan

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 31/08/2025 01:59

OMG it's ghastly.

#TeamAlansWife

gillefc82 · 31/08/2025 01:54

Ahsheeit · 31/08/2025 00:21

It's not Alan, it's Ste.

(Crawls away hoping someone gets the rather niche joke)

Don worry, I very much get it!!

My DH is called Alan and occasionally will be on the receiving end of a chorus of “Alan. Alan. Al. Alan” “Steve. Steve. Steve.” My family and I find it hilarious. DH just rolls his eyes. 🤣

ifIwerenotanandroid · 31/08/2025 01:45

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:34

It’s not a table I would pick either.

Small type dog. I couldn’t really look. You’ve never seen a place so full of people very closely inspecting candlesticks and soap while not looking.

Show quote history

😂

I have a very nice candlestick AND candle from Snape Maltings which was a gift from someone who loves going there. I can imagine the shop, though I must say those tables rather took me by surprise. I'm Team Alan though not Team Table.

PennyRest · 31/08/2025 01:19

New goal, go to Snape Maltings ASAP!
I’m team Alan’s wife. After all, she was generous enough to share her private business so we could all take sides and judge.

Also I don’t like the table.

JosieW66 · 31/08/2025 01:06

I go there for a browse once a month. Sadly all very dull and boring when im there. Bet the poor dog has some stories to tell! Can picture Alan taking it for long solo walks.......😄 Who is going to call the store and put us out of our misery?

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2025 01:03

I mean, it is an ugly table but I smell a man who has never been allowed to have the final say on anything decor wise and finally thought "Fuck you".

My mother is like this about her and my fathers house. Every single item in that house has to be agreed by her and if she vetoes it, tough.

My father loves original art, but she doesnt. She likes twee naff stuff. Guess what is on the walls? If he does attempt to put his foot down then it magically gets put into his office or his bedroom (they sleep seperately) rather than in the main part of the house.

I can completely see her reacting like this to a random table. She wouldnt do it in public, but that shit would run for WEEKS until it ended up in the loft, like everything else she doesnt approve of that my father loves.

ETA.........the fact that it is his money paying makes no difference. She once insisted he pay for someone to repaint the hall. She didnt like the colour SHE CHOSE, so made him pay for it be repainted in (to everyone elses eyes) the same fucking colour. Frankly, losing sympathy for father as he gives in each time for a quiet life.

MerylSqueak · 31/08/2025 01:03

I wonder why he sat on the sofa.

I mean, I had a wee Alan moment recently. I saw something we need but far more expensive than we'd usually buy. I knew DH would dissuade me but I saw it, I liked it, we had the money and I bought it. But I didn't then have a sit down so we couldn't go home.

Dogsrbrill · 31/08/2025 01:00

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 23:17

Good call. The problem is that not everything they sell is on the website. It might have been this one shop.snapemaltings.co.uk/collections/coffee-tables-side-tables-and-stools/products/yaxley-round-side-table

Show quote history

Good grief, hideous and exoensive

BebbanburgIsMine · 31/08/2025 00:56

Team Alan here

I like the table

Thisgrillisonfire · 31/08/2025 00:47

Such tiresome bullshit

itsmeafterall · 31/08/2025 00:40

Alan.

share.google/s1m3XKB1Qi2EkObRL Check out this video from this search, alan meme

icebearforpresident · 31/08/2025 00:39

Fingers crossed this post is spotted by a journalist from Reach who will post it to the Snape Maltings Live Facebook page where everyone will identify Alan and/or his wife and we’ll get an answer.

Ahsheeit · 31/08/2025 00:21

It's not Alan, it's Ste.

(Crawls away hoping someone gets the rather niche joke)

Beeinalily · 31/08/2025 00:18

I bought a much nicer table this week in B & M for a tenner.

WellThisIsFranklyDreadful · 31/08/2025 00:18

Ick. His wife has a point….

maudelovesharold · 31/08/2025 00:15

(is Snape Maltings in Yorkshire, I wonder?).

It’s in Suffolk, near Ipswich!

Belladog1 · 31/08/2025 00:13

I was at Snape Maltings on Wednesday this week. Gutted I missed Alan.

Mistyglade · 31/08/2025 00:02

I thought this was something to do with Professor Snape and Alan Rickman.

HeddaGarbled · 31/08/2025 00:01

Cromer Mountain Warehouse a couple of weeks ago: wife picks up back-pack; husband very cross, has multiple reasons why she shouldn’t buy it (it’s too small, she’s already got one, etc) culminating in “It’ll be a complete waste of money JUST LIKE THE SHOES”.

I really really want to know about the shoes.

Ellmau · 31/08/2025 00:00

MrsAlan will be OK though, she's got the dog.

spiderlight · 31/08/2025 00:00

This puts me in mind of a row i witnessed in a service station car park. A car pulled up facing me in the row in front of us when I was waiting in the car with the dogs while DH had a wee. It contained a very well-heeled-looking middle aged couple having an absolutely blazing row. I couldn't hear it but I could see them screaming and gesturing at each other, and then she got out and stormed into the service station. He put his head in his hands and sobbed for a couple of minutes, and then just started the car and drove off onto the motorway. I was dying to wait and see her reaction when she came out and found herself stranded but DH, who hasn't seen the drama, was having none of it so I will never know.

I hope Alan got his table. I like it!

LeavesOnTrees · 30/08/2025 23:59

Sounds like Alan finally snapped.

He may end up being kicked out of the house and living in an empty studio flat with just his side table for comfort though.

unsync · 30/08/2025 23:58

@Karistyleaftea Henry Moore not Hepworth (misses point of thread completely).

jonthebatiste · 30/08/2025 23:56

It’s not a heinous side table. Certainly nothing to warrant a public spat. Still #TeamAlan, but mostly because I like his “I’m in trouble, I’m not going to cancel though”. It’s Last of the Summer Wine, 21st century style (is Snape Maltings in Yorkshire, I wonder?).

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