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Original poster

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
MyrtleLion · 10/09/2025 12:31

OneRedSquid · 10/09/2025 12:10

Have finally heard from my friend at Snape who tells me Alan did not buy the table he bowed to the pressure.

Sad Times

OneRedSquid · 10/09/2025 12:10

Have finally heard from my friend at Snape who tells me Alan did not buy the table he bowed to the pressure.

MessyToast · 10/09/2025 11:17

WonderfulSmith · 09/09/2025 21:11

Tell me more about Alan and Mrs Alan. What about the dog?

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Ahhh... the dog. Was it a golden retriever? Most people wouldn't carry them...

Karistyleaftea · 10/09/2025 11:12

Slightly veering off topic but just heard that there is a screening at Snape of Wallace and Gromit "Big day out"
accompanied by the Fairey brass band.
Epic!

thebabayaga · 09/09/2025 23:39

Please go back and ask them, we need to know :)

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 09/09/2025 23:21

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 09/09/2025 21:39

Sorry, I wimped out of asking if they knew about this thread. I was with a friend who's not on MN and it would have taken too long to explain.

Why did MN take away the laugh reaction. There are so many brilliant posts on here that I'm laughing at

But you could have taken photograph of side tables that may have been the one!

I’m going to have to dream up an excuse to go back.

OP posts:
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 09/09/2025 21:39

Sorry, I wimped out of asking if they knew about this thread. I was with a friend who's not on MN and it would have taken too long to explain.

Why did MN take away the laugh reaction. There are so many brilliant posts on here that I'm laughing at

suki1964 · 09/09/2025 21:22

Ok so no one has been and asked?

Do I have to fly over myself to find out?

Seriously I so need to know so I can file this away cos at the moment Im waking every morning wanting to know

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 09/09/2025 21:11

MessyToast · 09/09/2025 09:04

I've been lurking and this thread has been amazing but oh my god, I've just realised Alan could be my Dad. Name, location, lack of input into interior decor ... it all fits.

Tell me more about Alan and Mrs Alan. What about the dog?

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 09/09/2025 10:18

FortuneFaded · 09/09/2025 09:38

I am not sure if it is worse being a stool. With all that dust collecting in the rings, when you stand up after sitting on it, with circles of white dust on your arse, you’d expect to hear a voice boom: “This is the voice of the Mysterons! I know you can hear us, earthlings!”
Either that or it could be mistake for a target practice. I bet William the Conquerer was only effective with a bow and arrow because of dusty stools and arse target practice.

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😂 Target practice!

FortuneFaded · 09/09/2025 09:39

MessyToast · 09/09/2025 09:04

I've been lurking and this thread has been amazing but oh my god, I've just realised Alan could be my Dad. Name, location, lack of input into interior decor ... it all fits.

😱 You know what to do, comrade. We need that information by the end of the day. Report back ASAP.

FortuneFaded · 09/09/2025 09:38

lcakethereforeIam · 09/09/2025 08:39

Pleased to learn that wasn't the table, it might not have been a stool but it's definitely shit. So I can switch my allegiance back to #team Alan.

I am not sure if it is worse being a stool. With all that dust collecting in the rings, when you stand up after sitting on it, with circles of white dust on your arse, you’d expect to hear a voice boom: “This is the voice of the Mysterons! I know you can hear us, earthlings!”
Either that or it could be mistake for a target practice. I bet William the Conquerer was only effective with a bow and arrow because of dusty stools and arse target practice.

MessyToast · 09/09/2025 09:04

I've been lurking and this thread has been amazing but oh my god, I've just realised Alan could be my Dad. Name, location, lack of input into interior decor ... it all fits.

lcakethereforeIam · 09/09/2025 08:39

Pleased to learn that wasn't the table, it might not have been a stool but it's definitely shit. So I can switch my allegiance back to #team Alan.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 09/09/2025 07:47

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/09/2025 23:20

@IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal after that pathetic excuse can you still consider them a friend?

Well this is the thing - I suppose just about!

Incidentally, I know a few Alans, but have been able to confirm that none of them were the legendary Alan of Snape Maltings.

Moneybum · 09/09/2025 02:47

@FortuneFaded totally emotionally invested in that. What a plot twist, brought a tear to my eye…

#teamalan

Ellmau · 09/09/2025 00:37

They've been nobbled by Alan or his wife...

NewAgeNewMe · 08/09/2025 23:31

I could be Mrs Alan. Dh likes random shit. Everything he buys that does not pass muster , he has to keep in his study. Usually within 6 months, he agrees with me and it’s on EBay or car boot. Luckily so far not a table. He did choose our dining table to be fair, it ain’t half bad.

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/09/2025 23:20

@IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal after that pathetic excuse can you still consider them a friend?

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 08/09/2025 23:10

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/09/2025 11:23

I hope she does. My 'undercover agent' that went recently completely forgot to ask because "there was so much to see and do there". Pathetic! 😄

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What kind of an excuse is that?

OP posts:
IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/09/2025 11:23

OneRedSquid · 07/09/2025 09:15

I have a friend visiting SM later, she is well known there and going to ask what happened.

I hope she does. My 'undercover agent' that went recently completely forgot to ask because "there was so much to see and do there". Pathetic! 😄

DingoWoodworm · 08/09/2025 08:51

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 07/09/2025 16:52

So, I went to Snape Maltings yesterday and looked out for the possible table. Quite a few side tables. I did wonder if it was this one?

Oh gosh I thought they were stools. I wouldn’t want to risk putting my drinks on a stool.

DingoWoodworm · 08/09/2025 08:17

WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 08:36

Alison Stedman is who I was thinking of. Not sure about Alan. He wasn’t quite as put upon as you might think. Possibly Roger Allum.

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Alison Steadman absolutely although my imagined Alan is Roger Sloman.

I also imagine Alison’s character is called Marjory and Marjory is wearing a navy pleated skirt, lemon blouse and navy quilted gilet. Alan would be in brown corduroy trousers coupled with a loose fitting pastel smart casual shirt with a subtle pattern, tucked in of course.

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 07/09/2025 22:23

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 07/09/2025 16:52

So, I went to Snape Maltings yesterday and looked out for the possible table. Quite a few side tables. I did wonder if it was this one?

They weren’t the ones, sorry. Did you ask about Alan?

OP posts:
FortuneFaded · 07/09/2025 21:22

@AnnaQuayInTheUk 😱
I wonder if they are very aware of this thread and have put them in for a joke?