Right. This makes me think of the red toaster incident. My fil, many years ago started saying he wanted to buy us a toaster as a gift for staying with him. I didn't want a toaster and he'd never bought us a gift before for coming to stay (I didn't expect or need one I was happy to host him a couple of times a year) and I clearly and politely told him so, I told him I was happy with the toaster we had.
The problem was, it was a two slice toaster and HE wanted a four slice toaster.
He didn't say that though, until after he went ahead and bought me a toaster I hated.
He only came to stay for a week at a time a couple of times a year (his wife had died but he was an active man with lots going on and we loved having him to visit when he could). But still I would have bought him a four slice toaster if he'd told me that was the issue.
But the problem was, my whole kitchen at that time was in grey and black marble and chrome/stainless steel, it all matched and I really liked that kitchen.
The next day, after I had said quite a few times in conversation that I really really did not want or need a new toaster, thanks, he comes home from an outing with my ex husband and proudly displays a bright red ugly four slice toaster, (probably quite expensive as toasters go, a good make) proclaiming it as a gift for us to say thanks for staying. A gift I didn't want, had told him I didn't want and that looked like shit in my kitchen.
I was so upset. It was not about the toaster, it was about being ignored AGAIN, my feelings not mattering AGAIN even in the kitchen which was my domain (my ex husband would have been lucky to find it with a map) I couldn't get what I wanted. For years I had felt as though my husband didn't give a shit what made me happy or really care what I wanted, and now his dad was doing the same thing, and my husband went with him and let him pick the thing without a word even though he'd heard me saying I didn't want it.
I opened the box, looked at the toaster, and just went and sat in the bedroom for half an hour. I just sat there. I didn't cry or anything but I was so angry and upset. Eventually, I calmed down and managed to say a polite thanks through gritted teeth. As soon as he left, I stuck it in the garage never to be seen again except when he visited and I asked my ex huband why the fuck he had let him buy a RED toaster for my grey, chrome and black kitchen when all the appliances were chrome and stainless steel. Oh, didn't think of that he said. So then why did he let him buy a toaster when I said I liked the one I had? Not much of an answer, bit of a shrug.
I know it's a different situation, but I do wonder if she's just so fucking fed up with Alan ignoring her input and doing whatever he wants she just lost it.
And I can't believe I still remember that so well, it was at least 15 years ago, and I actually generally liked my fil (now deceased) and got along with him well, but I never forgot how my feelings were just totally ignored.
Lol, I am clearly so triggered by this post 😋