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Original poster

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

OP posts:
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19
JudgeJ · 31/08/2025 12:42

violetcuriosity · 31/08/2025 07:33

I am going to Snape for breakfast this morning 🤣

Was in unusually busy this morning??

N00dleStrudel · 31/08/2025 12:41

topcat2014 · 31/08/2025 11:44

I'm old enough to remember the Hugh Grant / Four Weddings line "lots of beautiful things around the thousand pound mark"

And have been known to drive to Gloucester services for coffee or Burford Garden Centre

Have you been to the garden centre at Moreton in Marsh? This Snape thingybob place is very much giving me Fosseway Garden Centre vibes.

JudgeJ · 31/08/2025 12:41

Anon501178 · 30/08/2025 22:41

Haha I live fairly near Snape maltings and this story made me giggle 😅 Poor Alan and his table!

Could you nip round and start a conversation with the staff in the shop, I'm sure they would remember Alan and his Mrs!

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/08/2025 12:28

Whenever a Mumsnet thread turns nasty and I think of packing it in a thread like this reminds me what I like about it.

wizzywig · 31/08/2025 12:22

Oh hush everyone. Has the Breakfast at Snapes poster come back?
P.s, teamalan

OneSharpGoose · 31/08/2025 12:18

I feel we need an Alan Snape table Haiku.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 31/08/2025 12:18

LeavesOnTrees · 30/08/2025 23:59

Sounds like Alan finally snapped.

He may end up being kicked out of the house and living in an empty studio flat with just his side table for comfort though.

It doesn't look terribly comfortable to me.
🤣

N00dleStrudel · 31/08/2025 12:16

gillefc82 · 31/08/2025 02:50

@FortuneFaded I appreciate your highbrow account of this afternoon’s side table saga but to ensure this epic tale is accessible to everyone, I’ve summarised it in the form of a football chant below. For those in doubt, it should be recited to the tune of “She’ll be coming round the mountain”.

Oh Snape Maltings is the only place to be
For live drama when you’re buying your settee
Alan’s Mrs’ temper’s flaring
But our Alan’s sat declaring
“The side table is still coming home with me!”

He can stick that ugly table up his arse!
He can stick that ugly table up his arse!
To Alan it’s aesthetically pleasing
But it’s left his Mrs seething
Oh he can stick that ugly table up his arse!

If 'The Battle of Snape Maltings: A Poetry Anthology' doesn't appear on the shelves by Christmas, their whole marketing team should be sacked.

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 12:13

Where is the poster who was off there for breakfast? She must be done by now.

OP posts:
petalpower · 31/08/2025 12:10

I think all the shops were closed as we were there in the evening at the concert hall bit (the shops are separate). We did drive past all the shops going into the car park and there was no sign of anyone having an argument or having some sort of furniture based stand off!

Zonder · 31/08/2025 12:05

petalpower · 31/08/2025 11:33

I was at Snape Maltings for a concert last night and there was no sign of Alan as far as I could see.

Did you check on the sofa in the furniture shop?

LittleBitofBread · 31/08/2025 12:03

Find and infiltrate local social media pages/groups and follow avidly. And report back, obviously.

LlynTegid · 31/08/2025 12:03

Evenstar · 31/08/2025 11:54

DH and I love Snape Maltings, we stayed near there on our honeymoon, definitely not the kind of place you would expect shouting!

@LlynTegid would like to second Neil Innes for the music, I was lucky enough to see his live show twice and loved the Innes Book of Records in my school days. I met him after the show when he was signing CD’s and got a photo with him, he was so lovely.

I met him as well in the mid 1990s and he was lovely then too.

Biddie191 · 31/08/2025 12:02

Dogs putting forward their portfolio pics for perusal

Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?
Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?
Evenstar · 31/08/2025 11:54

DH and I love Snape Maltings, we stayed near there on our honeymoon, definitely not the kind of place you would expect shouting!

@LlynTegid would like to second Neil Innes for the music, I was lucky enough to see his live show twice and loved the Innes Book of Records in my school days. I met him after the show when he was signing CD’s and got a photo with him, he was so lovely.

DrPrunesqualer · 31/08/2025 11:52

topcat2014 · 31/08/2025 11:44

I'm old enough to remember the Hugh Grant / Four Weddings line "lots of beautiful things around the thousand pound mark"

And have been known to drive to Gloucester services for coffee or Burford Garden Centre

Which reminds me too topcat it’s not like Alan bought a Pygmy warrior

topcat2014 · 31/08/2025 11:44

I'm old enough to remember the Hugh Grant / Four Weddings line "lots of beautiful things around the thousand pound mark"

And have been known to drive to Gloucester services for coffee or Burford Garden Centre

topcat2014 · 31/08/2025 11:42

I'm enjoying reading this sitting in the art gallery that I run. As a PP said, things do often look better in sets / adjacent to similar things.. Such is the art of retail

MrsMoastyToasty · 31/08/2025 11:41

There's also a lot of material for other mumsnet threads.

Relationships- my DH bought a hideous table. Should I LTB?
Home decoration- Should I use a hideous table to show off my stunt pineapple?
Cost of Living- we cannot afford food this week but DH has bought a hideous table. Should I sell it to feed the family?

petalpower · 31/08/2025 11:33

I was at Snape Maltings for a concert last night and there was no sign of Alan as far as I could see.

teacoffeeorpassthegin · 31/08/2025 11:25

Snapenearby · 31/08/2025 10:43

I’m 10 minutes from Snape Maltings (although with all the roadworks on the A12 atm prob a bit further!) and can totally imagine the type of people these were! Only ever been there when my children have played instruments in some music festival thing they do for the local schools once a year. Almost want to share this on one of the local fb groups 🤔😂

As a child I performed on the stage and then have taken the children I teach to perform there. It is such an incredible experience! The children love it so much!

the80sweregreat · 31/08/2025 11:23

I’ve looked it up too and I must admit that some of the furniture is really lovely especially ‘ the George range’
I bet that people with big houses like to ‘theme ‘ their rooms from there. It doesn’t look like the kind of place to have a domestic in.

Sahara123 · 31/08/2025 11:21

I’ve just googled Snape Maltings and am now giggling at someone who likened it ( not seriously!) to Trago Mills , I went once to the Devon one , it was a good few years ago but it was the polar opposite!

Messyandconceited · 31/08/2025 11:18

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 31/08/2025 09:24

reminds me of the Pete and Dawn’s vow renewal in Gavin and Stacey - when she realised he’d chosen a hideous ring 😂 in this YouTube clip from 2:40 onwards

Exactly what I thought of!! Grin

Original poster
WonderfulSmith · 31/08/2025 11:07

Pluvia · 31/08/2025 10:32

I wasn't there, but I know Snape Maltings and the shop you allude to and I can guarantee that any table they sell there will be in current good taste. It's all a bit Homes and Gardens.

I'm in shock that anyone would be shouting and carrying on anywhere in the vicinity. It's Snape. This kind of thing should never happen. The rules are that you take your argument out to the car, where you argue through gritted teeth before driving home and letting rip there.

I think it was the shouting that was most shocking. One does not shout in Snape Maltings.

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