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Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

538 replies

WonderfulSmith · 30/08/2025 22:31

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

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inkymoose · 05/01/2026 01:44

BeckyAMumsnet · 03/01/2026 09:23

Let Alan be immortalised in the annals of Mumsnet Classics...

Hurrah! ❤️

BlueFlowerOwl · 03/01/2026 16:04

I wonder what Alan and Mrs Alan are doing right now…. Oblivious to this thread.
Thanks for adding it to classics, I missed it the first time round!

OP posts:
WonderfulSmith · 03/01/2026 14:46

BeaLola · 03/01/2026 14:42

I'm so glad you've reminded me of this thread

I'm probably having a "senior moment" but I'm sure I saw Snape Maltings referred to in a paper ref a Christmas concert ?

You did. It is classical music venue mainly. There was a Christmas concert from there and BBC Two I think.

OP posts:
WonderfulSmith · 03/01/2026 14:45

BeckyAMumsnet · 03/01/2026 09:23

Let Alan be immortalised in the annals of Mumsnet Classics...

I’m sure Alan and Mrs Alan will would be thankful if they knew.

OP posts:
BeaLola · 03/01/2026 14:42

I'm so glad you've reminded me of this thread

I'm probably having a "senior moment" but I'm sure I saw Snape Maltings referred to in a paper ref a Christmas concert ?

BeckyAMumsnet · 03/01/2026 09:23

Let Alan be immortalised in the annals of Mumsnet Classics...

Scarydinosaurs · 03/01/2026 06:17

I think it would make a great radio 4 drama

FortuneFaded · 03/01/2026 06:10

I wonder if Alan has been let loose on the sales!

LlynTegid · 02/01/2026 14:58

When is the premiere of the play or film? We should be told!!

inkymoose · 02/01/2026 14:53

WonderfulSmith · 02/01/2026 10:55

I remembered this thread the other day as we went to Snape and I looked for the table to take a picture, but it was gone. Did Alan get it? We might never know.

It's a lovely thread. Thank you for the reminder.

WonderfulSmith · 02/01/2026 10:55

I remembered this thread the other day as we went to Snape and I looked for the table to take a picture, but it was gone. Did Alan get it? We might never know.

OP posts:
Pinkfluffypencilcase · 11/09/2025 02:38

FortuneFaded · 10/09/2025 23:42

I am disappointed in Alan. I was hoping to get a band to cover Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal, but with a little rewrite and the lines:

Alan, are you okay?
So, Alan, are you okay? Are you okay, Alan?
Alan, are you okay? (Alan, are you okay?)
So, Alan, are you okay? (Alan, are you okay?) Are you okay, Alan!

😂😂😂 this is too funny

BeaLola · 11/09/2025 00:22

This is without doubt the best thread ever

I kept seeing the title but didn't read the thread - for some daft reason I though it was either to do with Harry Potter or an Agatha Christie - eg "Hercule Poirot & The Incident at Snape Maltings"

Apart from being Team Alan (I don't hate the table but I don't love it) I am worried about OP - how can she have a DH who wouldn't let her stay to find out ?

FortuneFaded · 10/09/2025 23:42

I am disappointed in Alan. I was hoping to get a band to cover Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal, but with a little rewrite and the lines:

Alan, are you okay?
So, Alan, are you okay? Are you okay, Alan?
Alan, are you okay? (Alan, are you okay?)
So, Alan, are you okay? (Alan, are you okay?) Are you okay, Alan!

suki1964 · 10/09/2025 23:37

I feel - deflated :(

I was rooting for Alan

OneRedSquid · 10/09/2025 23:27

WonderfulSmith · 10/09/2025 13:02

What!! He was getting quite the telling off so I’m not surprised. Can she confirm the table model?

That’s all the info I have

Waitwhat23 · 10/09/2025 17:43

Ormally · 10/09/2025 12:43

Oh, no - he didn't get it?
The artistic interpretations are unimprovable, but don't think the haikus have been covered and that's not like MN.

My humble submission:

Voices raised in Snape.
Alan rallies; table fight.
Might hide so much more.

What happened at Snape?
We're all agog to find out!
Was the table bought?

Poor Alan. Denied
His choice of naff furniture.
Wife ponders her life.

Picoloangel · 10/09/2025 16:50

Oh Alan. You’ve let the shop down, you’ve let us down but, most of all, you’ve let yourself down.

MessyToast · 10/09/2025 16:09

WonderfulSmith · 10/09/2025 13:01

No. It was a small yappy type job.

Yeah I'd forgotten about the dog. I can confirm that my Dad is an Alan in many ways but he is not the Alan

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 10/09/2025 16:01

WonderfulSmith · 09/09/2025 23:21

But you could have taken photograph of side tables that may have been the one!

I’m going to have to dream up an excuse to go back.

I did take photos and posted them up thread!

thebabayaga · 10/09/2025 13:14

OneRedSquid · 10/09/2025 12:10

Have finally heard from my friend at Snape who tells me Alan did not buy the table he bowed to the pressure.

I am relieved for Alan's wife tbh.

WonderfulSmith · 10/09/2025 13:02

OneRedSquid · 10/09/2025 12:10

Have finally heard from my friend at Snape who tells me Alan did not buy the table he bowed to the pressure.

What!! He was getting quite the telling off so I’m not surprised. Can she confirm the table model?

OP posts:
WonderfulSmith · 10/09/2025 13:01

MessyToast · 10/09/2025 11:17

Ahhh... the dog. Was it a golden retriever? Most people wouldn't carry them...

No. It was a small yappy type job.

OP posts:
Ormally · 10/09/2025 12:43

OneSharpGoose · 31/08/2025 12:18

I feel we need an Alan Snape table Haiku.

Oh, no - he didn't get it?
The artistic interpretations are unimprovable, but don't think the haikus have been covered and that's not like MN.

My humble submission:

Voices raised in Snape.
Alan rallies; table fight.
Might hide so much more.