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Original poster

Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

229 replies

emkana · 26/04/2008 22:37

"I will have a two-way baby monitor so that when my newborn wakes up I will calm him down with my voice while remaining downstairs in the living room"

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/04/2008 21:02

sister said to me 'lack of sleep won't bother me, I'm used to clubbing!'
cue demented sister couple of months later with non sleeping baby.

Flumpybumpy · 27/04/2008 20:46

A girl at work said 'labour will be easy, I did a really big poo the other day that really hurt so nothing can be as bad as that!!!

ellideb · 27/04/2008 20:44

Yes girls, it was a piss take, I'm not for 1 minute under the illusion I'll be able to stick to any of the above, even if I wanted too! this thread made me laugh sooo much, We all start off with good intentions but then reality hits! Capricasix really felt for you reading your diary, especially about wanting to be spoiled yourself for a change! Here's a cup of tea and a biscuit from me I'll let you know in 18mths time if any of my goals are still standing! (if I'm able to get 5mins to myself to type that is)

CapricaSix · 27/04/2008 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CapricaSix · 27/04/2008 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScruffyTheCampfireSprayer · 27/04/2008 20:04

also my friend when I was pg with dc1

"It really shocks me how some people talk to their children, I know you would NEVER say "shut up" to a child"

VictorianSqualor · 27/04/2008 19:53

My best friend isnt close to having a baby but has been ttc for a few months, she is Godmother to DD and will be to DS2 when he is christened, great with children but when DD walked on mud she said her child won't do that, they won't like mess and wil stay clean
I just smiled and said 'We'll see'.

OracleInaCoracle · 27/04/2008 19:44

no child of mine will scribble on the walls!

ScruffyTheCampfireSprayer · 27/04/2008 19:42

"I'm not going to let having a child dictae the decor in my home, they will just learn right from the outset that they are not allowed to touch my things"

rofl

BettySpaghetti · 27/04/2008 19:41

I was always said that I would never use the expressions:

"It will end in tears"

"Because I said so"

(and many similar ones that escape me at the moment)

I eveytime I say them

whomovedmychocolate · 27/04/2008 19:40

Viva - mine was similar and the midwife went through it saying 'nope, can't do that sorry, nope, nope, hahah no' for about twenty minutes.

This time round mine says:

  1. Have baby
  2. Have tea and toast
thelittlestbadger · 27/04/2008 19:38

Oh god, Brown Suga's sounds familiar. Last summer lots of - well I'll sit around in the garden with PFB in her pram or breast feeding. I can get loads of reading done .

At least I've stopped saying anything now!

OracleInaCoracle · 27/04/2008 19:32

mine too viva. i didnt even consider that it might not go according to plan!

VivalaDiva · 27/04/2008 19:30

I wrote a two-page birth plan on Word using bullet points and everything and printed out 3 copies. One for me, one for dh and of course one for the midwife. They all went in the bin shortly before the epidural.

whomovedmychocolate · 27/04/2008 19:29

Oh and I was convinced that I could do something about my flabby post partum upper arms by lifting the baby - surely that would sort out my triceps no problem right?

Oh and all that getting up and down off the floor to change the baby - it's almost exactly the same as a step class!

(When DD was four months old I took to the treadmill, it was the only way I could get half an hour away from here while DH walked up and down the road solemnly with her in a pram wailing at him .)

Blandmum · 27/04/2008 19:22

elliedeb, that is either a piss take or I have one word for you.....Hubris!

Mwhahahahahahahaha

HensMum · 27/04/2008 19:15

My friend said something along the lines of "babies cry when they are wet, hungry or in pain. If you sort that out they'll stop crying won't they". I think she underestimated the amount that newborns cry just for the fun of it.

From me - I'm going to breastfeed until baby is one. Lasted 10 weeks.

stepfordwife · 27/04/2008 19:14

..sorry, meant OH YES YOU WILL

Lilymaid · 27/04/2008 19:14

Said by a keen musician "DC will play happily in my cello case whilst we play string quartets"

stepfordwife · 27/04/2008 19:14

i will never be a, shudder, SHOUTY mum...
oh yes you will...

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/04/2008 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleInaCoracle · 27/04/2008 19:07

ellideb, i shall assume your post is a joke. if not, see you in 18m!

minko · 27/04/2008 19:00

'My children aren't going to have piles of plastic crap (ie toys). They are going to learn about aesthetics and have only wooden toys'. What a pompous arse I was then... she says, wading ankle deep through piles of plastic crap!

NaughtyNigel · 27/04/2008 18:43

ellideb
I want you back here in exactly a years time so we can watch you eat your (organic) list.

paros · 27/04/2008 18:06

I am a nanny so I had a really good idea of what babies and children could be like but I had never had a newborn . God that was hard . But I stupidly thought that as I was a nanny I would get a child that behaved like that children I had looked after . Like when you ask them to do something they do it . When you ask tham to tidy up thay do it . LOL I was so wrong .