Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

I planned a fantastic natural home birth with ds1, of course ended up in hosp on syntocinon with epidural, ventouse and forceps delivery . Thought I might have learned but when pg with ds2 again opted for a homebirth, and this time splashed out on hiring a birthing pool (fool fool) ended up in hosp again being induced. Think I would have planned another homebirth if circumstances had allowed....am slightly obsessed.

the moment I held her

I said I would never be one of them parents that gives up their life for their children, I wouldn't stay in and would happily use babysitters etc. I would love returning to work after 4 months!

DD is now 7 months, we haven't left her once or been out without her, and I'm still not back at work yet!

The moment I held everything changed, you can't prepare for that.

I said I wouldn't lose my independence and I would be me and not blah's mummy.... ha [holo laugh]

Before DS I remember someone at work telling me that since she'd had children she could couldn't bear to watch/read news stories or even fictional things where children suffered as she found it dreadfully upsetting. At the time I thought "Well everybody finds things like that upsetting". Fortunately I didn't say it out loud. Now I have a child of my own I know just what she means.

ha ha ha ha ha!!!! wish to god i had seen all this while pregnant, and also when suffering from bad pnd when dd younger. i felt everything caving in cos i wasn't prepared. it would have been a massive help. I very nearly wet myself reading through all this lot. now i don't feel alone

My baby will sleep. I've read books about it. Um, that was me.

"I'm very patient" - I often think of saying that as I'm close to strangling my six year old

"I used to do night shifts so I reckon I'll be ok with the sleepless nights"

"I want a waterbirth, there's one in the hospital that's got a glitterball over it - I think that's the one I should go for" (I had induction, gas and air, epidural and high forceps all while being constantly monitored )

Arf!

"How is it that all these mums are late bringing their children in to school? God,all they have to do is get up and get dressed, how hard can it be?"
"I've got a buggy for going running with the baby. And I'm doing kick boxing classes once a week when DH is having the baby"
"What your children wear is a direct reflection of you."
Hee hee hee hee.

I used to think that, princessglitter. Boy, was I wrong!

My friend declared that labour couldn't possibly be as bad as some of her period pains. She is due to give birth any day

So funny. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I said: "I can decorate the house in my spare time," and "Surely they aren't much different from kittens?"

Fab thread! DS is 8.5 months, can't wait to see what strange demands he will issue re food or sense of style when dressing... but have just remembered friend's toddler son had a phase where he insisted on wearing his older sister's tights .

Prior to DS arriving: "While I'm off, I could help you with the admin" (said to self-employed DH, thinking I'd have loads of time when baby slept/played quietly).

Also thought I could do creative hobbies. Nearest I get is to figure out what on earth I can get for DS's lunch using last night's leftovers and the odd veg in fridge...

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I had a mental picture of me and other mummy chums laughing happily in a lovely cafe or someone's living room whilst our babies gurgled contendtedly, cracking open the pinot grigio (mums, not babies) on a tuesday afternoon just because we could.

Now I have to stop myself from raiding the bottle in the fridge just to get through any afternoon, let alone tuesdays. Ha ha ha.

This state of affairs is a direct result of the other mistake I made: "sleep gets better after 3 months". Fool! You fool!

Great thread!
As others have said, i didnt have too many high expectations of how easy it would be!
However, I did intend the following:
1, to use terry nappies
2, to not use the tv as a babysitter
3, to not give chocolate/sweets/cake/biscuits
none of which i have stuck to, naturally!

My SIL, pg with #1, recently informed me of the following couple of little gems:

"I don't really understand why parents put their lives on hold when they have a baby. Eating out, for example - we love eating out in nice places so we'll just still do it. We're going to get one of those plastic seats with an overhead handle to carry the baby around in, and just pop it under the table while we eat." (I think she meant a car seat)

And...

"We've decided that sleep is really important to us and we wouldn't really like getting all tired and sleep deprived, so we're going to take it in turns to lie in until midday while DH is on paternity leave."

Ha ha ha

My child will never look dirty or wear scruffy mismatched clothes.

Yes I changed my first baby 5 times a day, he always looked immaculate. He's now ten and looks like a tramp.

His little sister (4 years) will choose her own clothes (has done for years, its not worth arguing with her). Furry coat, sunhat, heart shaped shades, an umbrella, bright socks, a pastel coloured dress and wellies.

I have accepted this as her kooky sense of style because if I didn't I would cry! I dont worry about the way strangers look at us anymore.....

I remember thinking people who had caesarians just hadn't tried hard enough or were wimps.
I knew childbirth would hurt like hell, but I was convinced anyone could give birth naturally, after all they didn't have caesarians in the olden days...
I would just stay upright and mobile, refuse pain relief etc.

Then after four days of labour... I had an emergency CS

My friend who had her LO a few months after me and also ended up having a CS, admitted afterwards she had thought the same thing as me.

Another friend who's trying to conceive ATM, was telling me that when she goes into labour she plans to go out into the woods to avoid pain relief and medical intervention [hmmm]

They are 14 now and I've got the easel but it's never been out of its box.

I remember thinking that my dtws were going to be very, very clever because I was going to teach them lots of interesting things and they would sit fascinated, quietly absorbing my pearls of wisdom.

I was also going to take up painting, something I'd never found ime for before, set up an easel in the garden while my dtws slept in their pram or happily amused themselves.

From me whilst pregnant; "I'll be fine with not musch sleep I'm used to a crazy shift pattern"

"I'll do my 2 hour ashtanga routine everyday, at the end of mat leave I might start teaching it"

From dh. "2 adults one small helpless baby there's no way it can be that hard"

dd19m only been doing weekly yoga again for the last 8 weeks......