Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

With DS (PFB) I had great intentions of having a water birth, and was planning on delivering the baby with a foot on either side of the pool, encased in my beautiful silver shoes which have a 3 inch stiletto heel - (it was just in case it was a girl- she could admire them on the way past) In real life I was in stirrups, wearing a disgusting pink hospital nightie, shouting at the registrar "make sure you get plenty of lignoaine up there"

on the way home from hospital after having first DC we stopped at the newsagents to buy all the sunday papers! Never did get to read em

" I will not answer my child if they speak to me like that!"

Also I could never understand why parents thought that their DC's school assembleys were so marvellous - (says me who cries all the way through watching mine!)

I met a newly pregnant lady today who was telling me that she's going to make sure she gains no more than 21lbs during her pregnancy and then has a 30 day plan to regain her figure once the baby is here which involves 'just' a 45 minute workout routine which will be done 'while the baby sleeps'.

She said this to me while eating biscuits.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and managed (just) not to wet myself laughing at her.

oh, and funniest/most worrying thing I've ever heard an expectant Dad say: "DW's birthplan says no pain relief or intervention. So she's told me that no matter how bad it gets, or how much she pleads, I've not to let her give in". Tried to explain about reality and well-being of baby vs first time Mum's naive request. But he was adamant that's what they both wanted.

And EVERY pregnant friend I know who has confidently listed their birthing plan to include water births and a chosen list of cds have ended up 2 weeks late/induced/ epidural or caesarian with all the craziness that enatils.

Has anyone noticed the direct relationship between the pregnant mum being superorganised prebirth = endng up with the most intervention!

"why would anyone ever get cross with their child?"

(ginference being that they would bring their child up properly so they'd never do anything wrong ....)

From my friend - 2 weeks before my due date (14th Dec) - "but the baby will be settled into it's routine by New Years eve, so I can't understand why you can't commit to coming to my dinner party!"

ds born on 27th Dec - awful birth and only now over 2 years on, sleeping through - (some nights)!! can't wait til she's pg

In early labour with DS1, contractions 10 mins apart, 'well this is a piece of piss, dunno why everyone makes such a fuss'............
Fast forward 18 hours, 'GET ME A FUCKING EPIDURAL!!!!!!!!!'
Pg with DS2,'I think I'll do hypnobirthing, then it wont hurt like last time, as I'll use my meditation techniques to deal with the pain'............
Fast forward 5 hours after induction, 'GET ME SOME DIAMORPHINE, THIS HYPNOSTUFF'S SHIT'

Ho hum

my BF's sister said, when heavily pregnant with firs baby

"i think the pains all in your mind"

BF (who has 4 dc) and me nearly wet ourselves laughing

never expect a baby to fit in with your
lifestyle you have to adjust to it.
Forget Sleep for the next six months a year
maybe 2 or three unless your luck.

I did want the self feeding & cleaning model but as you now they don't exist.

never expect a baby to fit in with your
lifestyle you have to adjust to it.
Forget Sleep for the next six months a year
maybe 2 or three unless your luck.

I did want the self feeding & cleaning model but as you now they don't exist.

never expect a baby to fit in with your
lifestyle you have to adjust to it.
Forget Sleep for the next six months a year
maybe 2 or three unless your luck.

I did want the self feeding & cleaning model but as you now they don't exist.

"this is the last baby" - after all 3 of them

expecting my belly to ping back after the 3rd one as it did with the first 2

promising myself that i wouldnt pile on weight with baby no 3 (put on 4 st )

pre dd1 that having a baby wouldnt stop us having a social life

my cousin is due in a week and the poor love still thinks she'll be able to go to her end off school formal which is in a couple of weeks time, at least she can blame youth for her naivety though

"It will be the perfect time to study for a career change while I am at home with the baby".

"I will not have an epidural, how can it possibly hurt THAT much, all women do it" - while secretly believing that I would be one of those women that have a practically pain free birth where the baby pops out in under an hour.

"I will NEVER have another child" - after 43 hour labour with DS.

Yes these were all said by me.

PeppermintPatty - "Another friend who's trying to conceive ATM, was telling me that when she goes into labour she plans to go out into the woods to avoid pain relief and medical intervention " That's got to be the funniest one on here.

Can't add anything prenatal that hasn't already been said. But the other day, DH was taking the DCs into the gift shop on our day out while I fed the baby.

I distinctly heard him say "We're not going to buy anything just for the sake of it."

Arf!

DH and I to each other after a weekend trip with DSIL and her 2 year old: "no matter what happens, if we ever have children we are NOT going to play horrible children's music CDs in the car on long trips." Hmm.

My mum thought she would carry on playing golf - she bought a golf bag on wheels and she thought she could perch the baby (me) in the top of the bag and carry on around the course .

"Well if they feel like that I think it'll be fine",

Me, getting braxton hicks and thinking that real contractions would be the same.

I was on a course it finished in Aug I planned to have baby in Sept and be back on course in Sept .... ahhh ha ha

ha ha yes you can shout 'shut up' back up at the monitor I might get one for my toddler and shout 'get back to bed'

"We're driving to the south of France 4 weeks after the due date - that will be OK won't it?" (not me but a friend)

Hahahahahahahaha the baby hasn't arrived yet but I'm wondering if their plans might change somewhat...

But I said "ummm well it depends on the baby, I suppose it might be fine..." because I didn't want to be a killjoy.