Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

"my baby will not wear pink all the time if it's a girl" (yep, she has some clothes with just a pink pattern on!)
"I will breastfeed for 6 months" (managed 2 then with various problems gave up)
"the baby will never sleep in our bed" (nightly)
"When I'm on maternity leave I'm going to read through all the classics" (er, no!)
"As the baby's due in June I'm going to sit in the garden all summer and have bought a comfy recliner to lounge on in the warm weather" (er, no - spent all summer sitting inside breastfeeding constantly!)

"There are so many horrible chemicals/hormones all over vegetables in supermarkets. When I have a baby I will grow my own vegetables and s/he will only ever eat those."

Do I even need to add that this never happened?

Just found this. Looking back at some of my howlers (oh how innocent I was 2.5 years ago):

• My children won't watch television until they are at least 5 (now I worship at the shrine of Maisy, Teletubbies and Thomas)
• I'll write my novel while the baby sleeps (no comment)
• What exactly do you do all day at home with a baby? (to a friend with a newborn - I feel deeply ashamed now)

• If I go to a party can't the baby just sleep on coats in the corner?

X-post PortAndLemon!!

BelleDuJour - totally possible to BF twins, as many mums on here will tell you.

But I agree, finding the energy (or desire!!) to mingle and have small talk a few weeks after giving birth is quite laughable...

You can bf twins -- there are plenty of women on MN who've done it. But I doubt you can get away with bf them every 4 hours...

Why isn't that child potty trained at 2? Mine will be dry at 18 months

I'll use the time to write a novel

My child won't ever speak rudely to me or anyone

'You just need to speak nicely to children and explain everything to them and they'll automatically be well-behaved'.

Me, 12 years ago.

My sister - taking a travel chess set into hospital for entertainment inbetween contractions
There was also a book in her hospital back to read when her baby slept...she still hasnt read it and her DS is 4.

My birth plan was more of a thesis but I stuck to it all, though it was all my fault that I was screaming for pethidine 10 minutes before the end Took me 4 days just on gas & air with a TENS but I did it

My male friend as a father to be: "well it'll be easier when she starts walking, she'll be far less trouble" !!!

Oh yes, and I would always answer my child's questions with a calm and reasoned response!!!!!!

Oh yes, Lurker, I fell for the no pain relief gem, except you were braver than me as I was yelling for an epidural as soon as I got pissed off with the tens machine. About half an hour after using it!!!

I also remember saying that hell would freeze over before I had a picky eater!!! [laughs hollowly....]

" i will have a totally natural birth, no pain relief" as quoted from my 'birth plan'

2 hrs in screaming for an epidural

"oh yes, if I breastfeed, the weight will just drop off"

5 yrs on, still carrying that baby blubba

i will make all of ds's food myself. all of it

dh "don't worry i'll get up and do the night feeds for you" - not since ds1 was 6 weeks old has he got up and ds2 is now 6 months old

while discussing budgeting, i brightly pointed out to DP that once i was at home with the baby i could get up and make DP a healthy + tasty packed lunch every morning. after all, i'd have the time.

this came back to me with some force this morning as i stood in the kitchen sawing off a piece of bread (for myself) with one hand while jiggling screaming DS in the other. lulz.

"Why can't you just leave your baby to cry for 5 minute while you have a shower?"

I still don't understand that one. Despite it being only a few months back that I was posting on here asking how anyone managed to shower in the morning when my DS screamed the whole time.
How quickly we forget

Im not going to have one of those children with snot all over their faces

and on finding out she was a girl "Well Im not dressing her in pink all the time" we now also have a pink wash

In the Indie this weekend, a letter from a woman asking where her, husband and baby (who will be 2 weeks old) can go on an adventure-type holiday in december. they want to do lots of exciting activities, while the baby goes to a creche. Love to know what happens

And I believed them when they said bf would help to restore a pre pg figure.

I was convinced ALL the little vests and babygros would be whiter than white, at all times, and would all be IRONED, FOLDED and PUT AWAY so easily accessible!!!!! Ha Ha Ha.

"Why can't you just leave your baby to cry for 5 minute while you have a shower?"

My friend told me (whilst I was 38 weeks pg with ds1) that I should be able to attend the summer ball as baby would be 2 weeks old by then and he would organise a room so that I could pop off and feed ds, then re-join the party...and all I could think about was which dress would I fit into by then???? WTF?luckily common sense kicked in and we didn't buy tickets.....deciding to spend the money on disposable nappies instead as those re-usable ones just didn't work out either...

A friend of a friend, first-time expectant mother, is seriously considering attending a wedding in France 11 days before her due date. They're going to drive, of course