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Original poster

How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?

330 replies

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 18:52

My lovely sister got this little darling thing for my teenage son for Christmas. He loves it, as do I. However having gone way past 12th night we would now like to update his wardrobe/allow him to go 'au natural'.

Also he looks quite menacing and the other plants are a bit scared.

I've tried gently pulling the hat, no joy. I've tried tweezers on the grumpy eyes, I ended up with my other hand covered in prickles.

It is not glued on or secured by any other method I can see. Does anyone have any intimate knowledge on how to disrobe a festive novelty cactus?

Thanking you in advance.

How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?
OP posts:
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23
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:39

Steakandquinoa · 14/04/2023 21:34

How’s the mince coming along, OP?

It's quietened down now thankyou for asking.

I'm now choosing a playlist for forcibly disrobing a Santa Cactus. Have already discounted 'Santa Baby' as creepy.

Tom Jones naturally top of the list as per PP.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:37

potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:33

I'm glad you have a fire blanket tbh

Show quote history

I am nothing if not irredemably stupid 😎

OP posts:
potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:34

What if we all will it to come off at the same time?

Steakandquinoa · 14/04/2023 21:34

How’s the mince coming along, OP?

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:34

AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 20:29

If you put Angry Greased Santa Cactus into MN Advanced Search, there are over 10k hits!

I'm not sure if that tells us more about the workings of AS, or of MNetter predilections

Wait what....what?!?

OP posts:
potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:33

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:25

LIKE A BELL JAR AND FLAMETHROWER???

Sold.

Show quote history

I'm glad you have a fire blanket tbh

potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:31

tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 20:39

You know what we've all forgotten, don't you?

There are people out there whose job it is to put this stuff ON the cacti. We are ridiculing their sterling efforts.

Absolutely not! If anything they have done such a great job it is so hard to remove.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:26

WitcheryDivine · 14/04/2023 21:18

I dread to think what his expression is like now with that little lot around him

Fear not. He has a Swiss Army toothpick to defend himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:25

Pixiedust1234 · 14/04/2023 20:03

I'm going to peruse all these suggestions with my delicious wine and then probably make a very ill-informed decision.

Drink your wine, read your thread but do not, I repeat do not, touch the grumpy thing until tomorrow. That way you can go out and buy items that are more helpful than goatboy and baby oil.

LIKE A BELL JAR AND FLAMETHROWER???

Sold.

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/04/2023 21:22

What a cute little prick he is

WitcheryDivine · 14/04/2023 21:18

I dread to think what his expression is like now with that little lot around him

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:18

I will take this under consideration. He seems mighty small to use a coathanger as leverage mind.

OP posts:
CloakOfNope · 14/04/2023 21:16

Do you have some coat hangers? Maybe you could prise/lever it off with the hooky bits

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:10

Our arsenal to date:

  1. One (1) rubber glove
  2. Non-brand Wd40
  3. Fire blanket
  4. NEWSPAPER!
  5. Cactus armed with Swiss Army knife toothpick (how is a toothpick more useful than tweezers?!?)
  6. Unfinished hat.
How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?
OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:04

That username has made me honk laugh!

It doesn't have the magical chicken on it though....

OP posts:
AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 21:02

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:57

Ooooooh. OOOOOH!

I do not have a bell jar. I now want a bell jar and it's carboot day tomorrow so anything could happen...

Show quote history

If you have a shopping list that says

Bell jar
Tweezers
Naice Ham
Massive salad

will you be leaving it in Aldi or Waitrose?

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:02

Billybagpuss · 14/04/2023 20:43

And it is for these people we are grateful your occupation is no longer mentioned on your passport.

Stopped trying to enter Mexico because your occupation is Cactus Santa Dresser.

Show quote history

Facts. They'd have had your all-singing all-dancing Swiss Army knife off you before you could even utter that you were an emergency farrier/cactus festiviser.

OP posts:
TableFor5 · 14/04/2023 21:01

Rutaceae · 14/04/2023 20:28

How about cutting up the outfit a bit and then placing the cactus in a vessel and then creating a vacuum so the shredded santa clothes get sucked off. That would save your fingers from the prickles.
The obvious vacuum creating choice is, well, to use a vacuum, but you could go old school and put the cactus in a bell jar with a flame.

You can't suck off Santa, he'll think it's, well, Christmas!

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:59

hexsnidgett · 14/04/2023 20:36

Pootle Grin

😍

Love a bit of Pootle I do.

I have a terrible Flumps-related story but might save that until we've disrobed the Santa...

Yeah I said that.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:57

Rutaceae · 14/04/2023 20:28

How about cutting up the outfit a bit and then placing the cactus in a vessel and then creating a vacuum so the shredded santa clothes get sucked off. That would save your fingers from the prickles.
The obvious vacuum creating choice is, well, to use a vacuum, but you could go old school and put the cactus in a bell jar with a flame.

Ooooooh. OOOOOH!

I do not have a bell jar. I now want a bell jar and it's carboot day tomorrow so anything could happen...

OP posts:
lazytownie · 14/04/2023 20:52

do you have gardening gloves or normal gloves that you can get some rubber gloves on top of?

Thick gloves - grab it full fistedly and pull it off.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:46

AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 20:33

I'm also mildly concerned about the Similar Threads suggestions

"Cactus: battle scarred or diseased"
"How did you get rid of your child's dummy?"
"Impossible gift from FC - a parasaurolophus costume"
"Where to find a Santa hat?"

You missed out:

Agnus cactus?

In the conception board 😮

OP posts:
TableFor5 · 14/04/2023 20:46

iwasthewalrus · 14/04/2023 19:20

Try sex lube and a fish slice?

Not the kind of advice you'd find in Good Housekeeping or the WI

Billybagpuss · 14/04/2023 20:43

tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 20:39

You know what we've all forgotten, don't you?

There are people out there whose job it is to put this stuff ON the cacti. We are ridiculing their sterling efforts.

And it is for these people we are grateful your occupation is no longer mentioned on your passport.

Stopped trying to enter Mexico because your occupation is Cactus Santa Dresser.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:42

DannyZukosSmile · 14/04/2023 20:28

Go and buy some tweezers. They're a quid!

Show quote history

IT'S TWENTY TO FUCKING NINE ON A FRIDAY. I LIVE IN THE ARSE END OF NOWHERE. HOW MANY TWEEZER EMPORIUMS DO YOU THINK DO DELIVEROO IN THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES?!?

😂

OP posts: