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Original poster

To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

216 replies

Mrsweasleysclock · 04/03/2023 17:19

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

OP posts:
BrandyandGinger · 04/03/2023 19:43

I also have amazing eyesight, I can see washing on the clothes line all the way from the kitchen window. The washing is mostly invisible to the other people who live here. It explains why washing can only be brought in by me or under direct instructions from me.

BrandyandGinger · 04/03/2023 19:33

I have navigatation skills equivalent to that of a London taxi driver-I can take recycling from any room of the house and successfully find my way out the back door and locate the big recycling bin. Nobody else in this house has that skill.

MeinKraft · 04/03/2023 19:33

Cleaning bathrooms is my speciality. No one else even tries, presumably because they know they can't come close to my technique. They do piss over the toilet seat though to help me hone my skills.

Kissedbyfire1 · 04/03/2023 19:32

Adjacent to the degree in reading instructions, I am fluent in recipe and shopping lists. I can translate both from the English that DH doesn’t understand to the English he does understand ie the only language with which he is equipped but mysteriously is unable to apply to recipes or shopping lists 🤷‍♀️

HappyHealthy23 · 04/03/2023 19:31

I have a Phd in Planning for the Future. Note that the Future incorporates all time periods from "20 mins from now" to "Retirement age and after", thus l am the only one who realises that DD will require feeding at some stage in the day/evening/week and also that pensions are a thing.

Triflenot · 04/03/2023 19:28

My husband and I did different courses in loading a dish washer.

Neither one of us recognise the other’s professional qualification.

TheWoollybacksWife · 04/03/2023 19:25

I have advanced qualifications in crumb identification and removal.

My two year stint behind the bar in a working man's club has also qualified me as a mixologist.

Original poster
Mrsweasleysclock · 04/03/2023 19:24

NeverALenderBe · 04/03/2023 18:53

Oooops, here's the link:

Show quote history

Oooh thanks for this

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 04/03/2023 19:23

This

To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?
MissBattleaxe · 04/03/2023 19:21

I have a degree in Finding Stuff. You have to do an exam in Seeing if it's Hanging Up, Moving Something, Looking in the Obvious Places and Seeing if it's in the Laundry Basket. My family genuinely think it is a superpower.

KatnissNeverdone · 04/03/2023 19:19

I have magical eyes that can see things that definitely can't be seen by mere mortals. Special things like the mayonnaise in the fridge or the salt in the cupboard.

Beelezebub · 04/03/2023 19:15

Teatime55 · 04/03/2023 19:13

DH told me his mum invented getting people to lift their feet when you were hoovering.
Apparently no one else had ever thought of doing it. So she must have had the qualification.

I also have the PhD in knowing fucking everything. You think it would pay better.

Knowledge is its own reward.

Apparently.

Teatime55 · 04/03/2023 19:13

DH told me his mum invented getting people to lift their feet when you were hoovering.
Apparently no one else had ever thought of doing it. So she must have had the qualification.

I also have the PhD in knowing fucking everything. You think it would pay better.

Beelezebub · 04/03/2023 19:11

PhD here in knowing everything: where things are, how things work, which lane to be in in places I’ve never been, which completely different items of clothing belong to which person, how to add dinner money to the online accounts, what certain noises mean, whether there is, in fact, a ‘funny smell’… I could go on but since I am omnipotent it would obviously be a very long list. (Oh, yes, and I have advanced qualifications in writing lists)

worried4698643 · 04/03/2023 19:07

I am a professional googler. Everyone in my house seems to ask me questions which they could quite easily find out themselves. It seems I am the only one who can operate google and ask Alexa.

NuckingFightmare · 04/03/2023 19:04

Professional stock taker. I apparently know how much is in the ketchup bottle and when it’s run out and needs replacing, even though I don’t eat it. Similarly I know how many tins of beans in the cupboard, how many slices of bread are left and if there’s any in the freezer.
in fact I know precisely how much we have of any product in the entire house!

KeepingTheWaterOut · 04/03/2023 19:03

DH kept telling me he couldn't put the bin out because he didn't know which day was bin day, and I kept telling him that bin day was Tuesday. Despite regularly informing him that Bin Day is Tuesday he couldn't retain that complex piece of information

How he got his First Class Honours degree and his PhD is anyone's guess.

PopGoesTheProsecco · 04/03/2023 19:03

Am loving this thread and have realised I probably need to upskill in many areas.

DP won’t even let me hang the washing out as he says I don’t place the items correctly to achieve ‘maximum dryability’. Maybe there’s a course for that. 😂

I am however expert in knowing which items of clothing belong to which DC. Sometimes my girls argue because they think their sister has nicked an item of clothing when in fact it was just DP putting it in the wrong wardrobe.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 04/03/2023 18:58

Fuck me, I’m sooooo qualified and never knew it. I have diplomas in all of the above.😇😇

CherryogDog · 04/03/2023 18:54

Apparently I'm very good at weeing on the loo rim and on the floor. Quite an accomplishment for the female anatomy.
He refuses to believe he is the only one responsible.

NeverALenderBe · 04/03/2023 18:53

NeverALenderBe · 04/03/2023 18:52

This lovely lady will change your life. I love how she thinks this is one of the biggest challenges in life you'll ever face....perhaps you can get another qualification OP?

Show quote history

Oooops, here's the link:

NeverALenderBe · 04/03/2023 18:52

Mrsweasleysclock · 04/03/2023 17:29

I could definitely do with a fitted sheet folding tutorial. I'm rubbish at it. Right now I do more of a scrunch and tuck.

Show quote history

This lovely lady will change your life. I love how she thinks this is one of the biggest challenges in life you'll ever face....perhaps you can get another qualification OP?

bluebeardswife7 · 04/03/2023 18:50

My special skill is finishing a job after BlueBeard has wandered off halfway through.

SweetSenorita · 04/03/2023 18:48

I'm everything that has been mentioned. Seriously, I'm the only one who does anything in the house 😳😫

WarningToTheCurious · 04/03/2023 18:45

LookItsMeAgain · 04/03/2023 18:39

Aw shit...I did my doctorate on that but the title was slightly different...it ended with "....and swearing like a sailor"....I wonder if that will go against me now??

Show quote history

That could be plagiarism or (more likely) … solidarity Smile