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Original poster

To have not realised I have a professional vacuuming qualification that I didn't know about?

216 replies

Mrsweasleysclock · 04/03/2023 17:19

My dh was doing his version of the vacuuming today. It took 5 whole minutes!! He then told me I should hoover after him to get the edges, under furniture etc that he doesn't know how to get. I politely informed him that he could take the bulky head off and do it. His response, "I'm not a professional hooverer, you'll have to do it."

I cannot believe I have allowed him to touch a hoover when I am so skilled in this area. I of course hung my head in shame and set off for a 48 hour stint of grovelling. 🤣

So tell me. What professional skills have you all unknowingly acquired?

lighthearted he did manage to do it in the end.

OP posts:
Boringcookingquestion · 04/03/2023 20:20

DH is the professional hooverer in this house. He’s also the CEO of bins and paying bills. I’m the authority on what the toddler should have for tea and the manager of toddler/baby clothes (who knew that the 3 month old couldn’t wear his big brother’s trousers or that they grow out of their clothes?).

We’re pretty much 50/50 business partners on everything else though.

JudgeJ · 04/03/2023 20:18

Magpiecomplex · 04/03/2023 18:25

I am the only one in the household to have gained the prestigious and highly regarded Potterton Prize in Programming the Heating and Hot Water. I'm also a black belt in Sorting the Dirty Laundry into Loads and Working Out Which Washing Cycle To Use. I have an actual PhD too, but obviously that's much less important.

I too held qualifications in programming the boiler, running the Sky system, making repairs/adjustments to the same, re-newing the house/car insurance, dealing with the on-lne banking and so on. When my OH died very suddenly I recall saying to my daughter it was lucky we'd gone that way, him first, he wouldn't have known where to start in the house! Sorry of the dark humour offends anyone. Also since that day I have known exactly where his bloody Swiss Army knife is!

Chattannugu · 04/03/2023 20:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

Soproudoflionesses · 04/03/2023 20:12

666roses · 04/03/2023 17:47

I'm skilled in many areas, we are off on holiday today and DH asked how many pairs of boxer shorts does he need, then moaned as it would be easier if I packed for him (last time he forgot tshirts) I had to remind him im not his mother, then reminded him that was the only thing he had to do as I had packed the dogs things to go to the respective family members who are looking after them and done the housework while he was looking for his snorkeling mask.
I'm also an expert finder of things that I haven't mislaid.

I stopped packing for dh when he moaned l had forgotten something crucial.
Hung up my packing boots there and then!

EnoughEnoughnow · 04/03/2023 20:12

BlueBell50 · 04/03/2023 17:38

Expert Toilet Roll Replacer here. I bought the simplest holder possible but still it appears that I am the only person in the house who can operate it.

Oh, me too! Do you also have the complimentary qualification of picking up the empty cardboard tubes off the floor and putting them in the recycling?

JudgeJ · 04/03/2023 20:11

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 04/03/2023 18:18

I certainly don't have the hoovering qualification. It is strictly my DH's job, the hoover was his Christmas present and he gets this daft little grin when it swivels round corners. I'm never sure how to turn it on and definitely don't know how to charge it.

He insists I'm incapable of opening or closing curtains "properly" too and will rearrange them afterwards.

The curtain thing sounds like my late MIL! We had a large rectangular bay window and had two pairs of curtains on each side that I opened all the way to the end. She however would move one pair to hang in the corners of the bay when she was visiting, I trained the children to move them back to the end whenever they saw she'd done this, I'm sure this really puzzled her.

Makinglists · 04/03/2023 20:10

I have a phd in biological hazard removal ie cleaning the bog.

rc22 · 04/03/2023 20:09

I am a highly skilled chef. My area of expertise is ready meals, frozen food - in fact anything that has instructions on it. So, dh will get something out of the freezer to cook - burgers, fish fingers, oven chips, whatever and shout to me. "How do I cook these?" To which I reply, "just read the packet." He then throws a teenager huff and whines,"I can't be arsed with that. Why can't you just tell me?"

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/03/2023 20:08

I am the Laundry Fairy and often proclaim my arrival with a dainty dance and a few pirouettes just to drive the point home.

WarningToTheCurious · 04/03/2023 20:06

IglesiasPiggl · 04/03/2023 19:54

I have a PhD in dishwasher rinse aid refilling. Nobody else in house is remotely skilled enough to carry out this task. I am also highly adept at knowing where somebody might have left random objects round the house, apparently.

cf adding dishwasher salt, cleaning the filter and running cleaning cycles.

I have delegated dishwasher stacking to DH, even though I know he does it completely wrong. I might sneak in and do it properly occasionally just to mess with his head when it comes to unloading.

Velvian · 04/03/2023 20:06

I'm a professional stander on bath mats. There is no one else in the house with this skill.

Chattannugu · 04/03/2023 20:04

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

clairelip · 04/03/2023 20:00

I'm convinced that all men are suitably qualified but when we were having our one-hour lesson on periods in the1980s the boys were being shown how to do things so badly that we don't ask again . In my case ironing a huge burn mark on my favourite top one the only time he touched the iron

chanceofpear · 04/03/2023 20:00

LunchBoxPolice · 04/03/2023 17:28

I am a professional washing machine operative. It’s incredibly tasking.

Me too.

AutumnIsHere21 · 04/03/2023 19:56

My MA is in Correct Bin on Correct Day Studies.

Dissertation: “No, for the love of God, you can’t recycle plastic film: How many times do I need to say it?”

IglesiasPiggl · 04/03/2023 19:54

I have a PhD in dishwasher rinse aid refilling. Nobody else in house is remotely skilled enough to carry out this task. I am also highly adept at knowing where somebody might have left random objects round the house, apparently.

Oldnproud · 04/03/2023 19:52

I think I must be the most qualified person in the world.

The only 'skill' that I still lack and delegate to my OH is management of all car-related mechanical matters. I still haven't passed the 'knowing how to open the bonnet' module, though my 'making it known to OH that things such as services / MOTs are due' skills are very good.

passionpackaged · 04/03/2023 19:51

I am slightly ashamed to say that I have no domestic qualifications at all, as you would see should you ever visit me.

Hillrunning · 04/03/2023 19:51

Wow, you are all so qualified. I have none of these. Tell me, did you do online courses? In personal at a college or did someone come to your home to do coaching? I'd really like to up my skills and get a few shiney certificates on my walls but have no idea how to start.

clairelip · 04/03/2023 19:50

My superpower is picking up towels off the floor and hanging them so they are dry for the next use. Also locking the front door, thankfully we love somewhere very safe as I do occasionally slip up and the keys have been known to be on the outside of the door all evening

Colourinsidethelines · 04/03/2023 19:50

I apparently know where every single bloody thing in the house is at any given moment. No one else needs to look because they can just ask the expert.

JudgeJ · 04/03/2023 19:50

WarningToTheCurious · 04/03/2023 17:35

I have a degree in reading instruction booklets. My thesis was entitled “Why reading the instructions is more effective than squinting at things, hitting them with a hammer and swearing lots.”

That's a version of one of my personal mottos, When all else fails, read the bloody instructions.
The other one is If it moves and it shouldn't, gaffer tape, if it should move and it doesn't then WD40. Rarely disappointed.

feejee · 04/03/2023 19:49

My special skill is preparing and serving meals 3 times a day. Even when a lovely delivery driver brings food I am the only qualified person for plating up. As i result i gave up training for being a washer up and putter away. Not my pay grade.

MissingMoominMamma · 04/03/2023 19:48

My diploma is in reading washing labels from a distance. Family members hold up garments and ask which cycle to put them on just to test my skills, I’m sure…

Readingtoaster · 04/03/2023 19:45

Am crying with laughter. It’s like you all live in my house! Nominate for classics! How do
i tag @mnhq?