How broken are you?

First day back at work and I was a bit jet-lagged. Sat eating my breakfast and thought it was a bit gritty. I had sprinkled tea leaves over my cornflakes instead of sugar.

My car headlights weren't working after an outing last weekend. I was trying everything for 10 mins in a car park, my teens were out there looking and checking for me. Nothing. Stuck in a dark car park miles from home so called the AA.

After waiting for 15 mins and crying and stressing a bit I realised I'd missed a switch and my lights worked again .

My poor, poor teens.

Nice dinner on New Year’s Eve, made my dauphinoise potatoes, everything was ready with all the times worked out perfectly. Sat down with a gin feeling proud and when the timer went off realised that the potatoes had been in the oven for fifty minutes BUT THE OVEN WASN’T TURNED ON. I’d set it to the right temperature and everything and the other oven was merrily cooking the rest of the meal but the poor potatoes had been in a cold oven

On more than one occasion I've poured meat juices down the sink instead of the saucepan I've set ready so I can make gravy. Have also poured away stock I'd made from bones and veg, soup that I was meant to be putting into the blender...

When undergoing fertility treatment, I made breakfast (cereal) as usual. Came to make a cuppa later and couldn't find the milk. Asked DH who said he hadn't touched it. Checked in cupboards, bin and pulled things out of the fridge to check but it was gone.
DH found it a few days later inside the cereal box

At that stage I also drove to town and got the bus back and didn't realise until I needed my car again later that day, lifted my iPad to my ear like a phone because my phone next to me was ringing and almost lost ddog by changing direction on our walk but failing to signal that to him (and walking for a few minutes before I remembered I was out with him). Thank god he's a good dog who was pretty much where I left him, sat and scouring the distance!

I'm scatty at the best of times but when I'm hormonal it's bad. The fertility treatment was like my usual hormone induced confusion but 100 times worse. How exactly I got to work each day I have no idea.

I boiled the kettle, put a teabag in my cup then poured the boiling water into the tea caddy, which i had refilled. I like my tea strong, but still.....
I made dinner and plated some up for my son who would be home later. Then scraped his dinner into the bin, rather than the leftovers when I was washing up.
Sometimes I wonder how I can be classed as a fully functioning adult.

When I was pregnant, I took the tv remote to work, and cane gone to find my phone in the fridge.

On a client call at work the other day I had two points to update on. I started a sentence talking about one and finished the sentence talking about the other, without any pause or link or sign that I was changing topic. Everyone looked so confused. I had no choice but to make a joke out of it (I think I asked if anyone else had noticed that glitch in the matrix, apologised and clarified), but when I left the call I wanted to bang my head against the desk.

When my children were young (many years ago) I used to walk them to first school. On a particularly cold day I took them in my car and promptly walked back. My DH had picked up the phone (no mobiles then) to ring the police to report a car theft when I realised in the 'nick' of time that my car was parked by the school!

I literally thought I’d lost the plot Wednesday evening!! I filled electric kettle up and placed it on a gas hob I knew straight away I’d done it thou 😂 I’ve never had a Hob kettle either !
My brain is broken ☺️

I also frequently try to scroll up when reading long documents - on pieces of paper..

@DifficultBloodyWoman I’ve done that but added a third pair on top for good measure, then my glasses too. Thought I was having an aneurysm.

I’ve also kept stuffing tampons up my fanjo going “this one’s inserted uncomfortably, I’ll try again” without taking the first lot out. My record is three.

I downed a can of red bull i’d grabbed from the fridge right before a work meeting only to realise as I got to the end that it was actually a can of ready mixed gin and tonic…

To be fair it probably helped!

I once smeared nail varnish remover over my face with a cotton wool ball. Took a few seconds for the sting to kick in, by which time had covered most of my face.

I brushed my teeth with Veet.

Big panic a few weeks ago because my car wouldn't start...nothing wrong with it I'd just mixed up the clutch and the accelerator and basically forgotten the actions needed to start the car. Took me a few minutes to work it out. Been driving daily for 30 years, never happened before ever.

I also regularly think I've lost my phone....whilst looking at my phone.

I wonder if our brains just misfire sometimes.

I’m crying with laughter! Thank you for making me feel like I am not a freak.

I was doing my hair for an event. I don’t usually wear hairspray.I didn’t understand why it wasn’t holding my hair place. I’d used half a (large) can before I realised it was deodorant.

Woke up a little late and bleary eyed. Went straight to the bathroom to get ready. Put my contact lenses in and the world was still blurry which I attributed to being tired and not a morning person. I brushed my teeth etc but my vision wasn’t improving. Eventually, I gave up and thought I would have to wear glasses so I took my contact lenses out. And then I realised I still had contacts in!

I had fallen asleep with them in and put another pair on top in the morning!

Planting your phone and the minestrone soup are just priceless 😂😂
I do these things constantly, yesterday I put the kids dirty washing in the bin and their empty crisp packets into the washing machine

Spent the morning gardening, took a few photos on my phone. Later, couldn’t find my phone and it was truly lost – small flat, not much stuff, we ransacked the place. DP does the “find my phone” thing on his laptop and it shows as more or less where we are, but can’t hear the noise. Unless…

Go out in the garden assuming I’d left it there. Nope, no noise. Until DP walks past a plant pot and there’s a faint beeping. There it was, carefully and lovingly buried under 8” of potting compost and miracle gro, nicely watered in.

I like how many of these are desperate attempts to make coffee or tea. The brain knows it needs caffeine but it doesn't have the resources to actually get it.

As for me, I have house keys, a building swipe card and an office key, and I seem to just get a random one out as I approach a door about 10% of the time. I can and will tap my house keys on the access card reader.

I took my kids hamster to the vet as he had developed a massive growth pretty much overnight.

Turns out wee man had come of age and just has a really, really impressive set of balls!!

My dog had been to the vets and had some bloods taken etc. I was worried generally and noticed later that day he had a patch of fur missing. I rushed him back and asked to see a vet as an urgent appointment, concerned he was loosing his hair in chunks.
The vet nurse explained that was where they’d shaved him earlier to take the blood.