Today my teenager was upset because.....

After reading this, DD told me she needed a quiet word. Apparently she was doing her best to remain calm but that this note was 'dehumanising' and she would like an apology!

Did you laugh in her face?

Last night DD got the bad news that her long time BFs grandad had died, BF was very close to him & DD had become fond of him too. Her own GF hasn't always been so great. I could see she was very upset when she told me, but she wandered off quickly & I've learnt the hard way not to follow her.

I popped in a bit later & she was sat at her dressing table, cleaning her make up off. I said I'm so sorry sweetheart, I know it's hard on you being upset yourself & supporting BF too, just wanted you to know that we are here for you if you need to talk.

She swivelled her head around like something from the exorcist, glared at me with a demonic grin & said 'why on earth do you think I'd talk to you about anything, let alone this" she's quite happy to tell me her troubles at other times though, usually all about how disorganised & shit college is 😏🤦‍♀️

Dd2 at about 15 was furious with me and her dad as she was going out to hang out with her friends and had a huge her words spot on her face and all because we made her eat stupid pizza?!?! Just for clarity we have never held our children down and forced food in their mouths she was simply treated to a fri night pizza which she chose and to this day I still don't know why the pizza was stupid haha

[quote SpiderPlant101010]@bendmeoverbackwards Like the kid calling the mum a bitch. The bratty child who didn't like the car she was bought as a present so refused to drive it. The general ungratefulness towards parents bending over backwards to try and please their spoilt children to name but a few[/quote]
Can't you remember being a teenager?

I didn't get a car but I was 'given' driving lessons for my 17th birthday.

I had no interest in learning to drive, hadn't asked for them and thought it was ridiculous I had to learn to drive because my older brother had wanted to.

One of my friends had a guest house bought for her. She thought it was the most crap gift ever, and she had spent enough times making beds and serving dinner in her parents guest house.

Yes we both sound like ungrateful brats but we were teenagers.

Just for those who took umbrage at my horrid 17 yr old telling me I never did any work, I hope you also read the second part of my post, in which she told me all I ever do is work. It was the contrast between the two things which was so teenagerishly and selfishly contradictory!

(She has also given me numerous lovely handmadecards telling me what a great inspiration I am to have done everything I've done as a single parent, and how much she appreciates it and admires me - probably in moments of contrition, but still...).

Almost 13yo just text me to say everyone's mums are better than me because I only gave her £20 to spend on food and drink for 4 hours at Alton Towers.

Dd at about 16 was annoyed cos I offered to pick her up from a friend's party??? And I was regularly the worst mum in the world for tidying things up in her room and daring to pit her washed and ironed clothes in her room total invasion of privacy apparently she was never in her room when I did this and if she was i always knocked but nope I was invading her space. She and her sister are both gorgeous young women now and we are such good friends ( yes I know I'm their mum first always,)but at that age if I breathed wrong I was embarrassing 😳 😂😂

After reading this, DD told me she needed a quiet word. Apparently she was doing her best to remain calm but that this note was 'dehumanising' and she would like an apology!

Wow!!! Just wow...

Over the last week or so I have noticed that there are fewer and fewer glasses and mugs in the dishwasher every day, so a few days ago I dared to suggest that the DC check their rooms and bring down any dishes. DS (14) grunted something about having to do everything and when does he get a break. DD (17) was outraged at being asked as she is NOT A CHILD and knows how to keep her room clean.

Yesterday I went in to DD's room and found a large number of cups/glasses (some growing things inside), several wet towels on the floor as well as clean and dirty washing mixed together on the floor. I kept calm and put the a note on her door saying:

Given the current washing and washing up crisis, there are some new rules:

1. No scientific experiments to be conducted in bedrooms
2. Leaving dishes in bedrooms will be treated as a promise to wash up/load and unload the dishwasher for a week
3. Leaving clothes on the bedroom floor will be treated as a request to do your own washing/ironing
4. Towels will be washed twice a week only. If there are no towels you will need to drip dry.

After reading this, DD told me she needed a quiet word. Apparently she was doing her best to remain calm but that this note was 'dehumanising' and she would like an apology!

My son pretty much hides under the car seat when we go to a drive-thru.
I ask too many questions.

Apparently it's OK to just order a Zinger Meal or a Colonel's Box without knowing what's in it.

I asked him to empty dishwasher and fold some clothes, he woke up being a right grumpy but and channelling Greta Garbo.

Other things that are cringe:
-Saying a cheery good morning to people I know.
-Singing loudly in the car
-Dancing the kitchen
-Being overly chatty with waiters

• talking to their friends

The majority of clothes DD buys immediately become "cringe" or awful within a week of purchase .. I then scoop them up and incorporate them into my wardrobe which is double cringe apparently .. I now just cut out the middle man and intentionally steer her towards clothes I know I will end up wearing

I’m worried about the teen years, my older sibling was a nightmare teen, so horrific that I vowed never to be the same, when I felt the red mist descending I had a word with myself and didn’t lash out, although I did some risky things through my parents lazy parenting. My sibling ruined a good few years of home life.

My DD’s have strops, I worry that this might escalate. I’m going to talk about choices, coping with anger etc.

[quote picklemewalnuts]@BlueMongoose I'm relieved to read your post...

I was worried I'd broken my DSs as we didn't have any of this. It's not a stealth boast, honest! We had a torrid time with DS1 until he was about 11, seriously thought he'd end up as a teen climbing out of the window and being brought back by the police after going out to TWOC (those were the days).
Then we fostered similarly challenging small children.

When ours were teens I expected all hell to break out, and actually encouraged DS2 to be a bit less obliging! It never did.

There was the one time I considered calling the police, as I thought he'd gone missing on the way home from school... no, he had just put his shoes and bag away for the first time, after many previous requests as he usually just dumped them inside the front door!
[/quote]
I love the shoes story!
DB was never awkward, though sometimes silent. I got very scratchy when I had to spend an extra year at home after A levels, chafing at the bit rather as my mates had all gone off to study away from home. But nothing more than just being irritable, really.
I can also reassure you that it all worked out fine in the end, too. We're still a close family 40 years on from then and we look after our parents now they're vulnerable.

[quote spiderlight]@2389Champ - I once timed DS ranting and wailing about his maths homework, timed him actually doing the homework, and then presented him with a pie chart. It did actually get through to him![/quote]
This is epic parenting lol

As an aside, but still on topic, this is a very interesting (and amusing) podcast episode on the teenage brain: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09pl662

Summary:

The Teenage Brain

Brian Cox and Robin Ince are joined by impressionist Rory Bremner, Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at UCL Sarah-Jayne Blakemore and Professor of Zoology at Manchester University Matthew Cobb to look at the working of the teenage brain, and why teenagers are so, well, teenagery. Stomping off to your bedroom, being embarrassed by your parents, wanting to fit in with your peers and a love of risky behaviour are all well known traits associated with our teenage years, exasperating parents through the ages. But new research into dynamic changes going on in the brain during these key years has revealed that it's not just hormones that are responsible for these behaviours. Could a better understanding of what is going on during these formative years not only help teenagers themselves, but inform our education system and even help prevent many of the mental health problems that often begin during adolescence?

However, that didn't stop my fair share of screeching at my parents, skipping school, telling them how god awful/unreasonable they were, slamming doors/storming off/back chat...etc and i was one of the most level headed, nicest, well behaved kids you could meet.. but i still lost my temper at dumb shit/thought i was hard done by.

Teenager are Teenagers, their behaviour is to do with brain development and levels of seratonin and dopermine in the brain.. it creates erratic behaviour and moods.

The thing was, my parents understood this and while i didn't 'get away with that sort of crap' they weren't unreasonable in their consequences, treated me fairly, with compassion and understanding, and never ever once withdrew any of their love and support.

Currently i'm 40, and my mum is one of my best friends because our relationship is built on love, trust and mutual respect.. and me knowing that she would walk through fire to help me.

My kids are just coming into the shitty phase, and i hope i do as good a job of parenting them through it as my mum did (ftr , she thinks i'm not strict enough)

However my nearly 13 yo can be a foul creature.

@BlueMongoose I'm relieved to read your post...

I was worried I'd broken my DSs as we didn't have any of this. It's not a stealth boast, honest! We had a torrid time with DS1 until he was about 11, seriously thought he'd end up as a teen climbing out of the window and being brought back by the police after going out to TWOC (those were the days).
Then we fostered similarly challenging small children.

When ours were teens I expected all hell to break out, and actually encouraged DS2 to be a bit less obliging! It never did.

There was the one time I considered calling the police, as I thought he'd gone missing on the way home from school... no, he had just put his shoes and bag away for the first time, after many previous requests as he usually just dumped them inside the front door!

Also I am the worlds most awful parent because I won't give her £12 to get a taxi to her mates.

Her legs are hurting from college so she couldn't possibly walk to the bus stop.

The fact that for the last week she hasn't even rinsed her own cup out and her bedroom is where food goes to die means she isn't getting a penny.

(NB she is a good kid really. I'm recently disabled and she always calls me on her breaks at college to check I'm ok, and she even hugged me before she set off the other day! Maybe we are starting to come out of the other side now...)

Sorry 😞

But yes it's coming...