Bit her during labour

I told the female consultant she was "absolutely beautiful, her make up was on point, how was she so clever and so glamorous at the same time?! It isn't fair!" I remember just completely rambling about how beautiful she was for absolutely ages and she just stood there like 👁👄👁 waiting for me to finish.

With every contraction I kept shouting I can’t see I’ve gone blind!!!!

I was shutting my eyes

The only weird thing I said was apparently trying to convince DH we should get matching tattoos afterwards. I DO NOT want matching tattoos, I have no idea where it came from. DH just politely nodded and said things like 'yes yes dear' 🤣

[quote lilmishap]@CovidCorvid Oh god it wasn't in Leicester was it? I apparently punched a midwife while in labour which was a surprise because I didn't know I could punch.

I felt fucking terrible when I was told.[/quote]
No, not Leicester. I was a bit shook up, only time its happened in 15 years but I know she didn’t mean it. She was in pain, totally lost it and lashed out.

First birth was a bit of a horror show. I had gas and air but the valve or something wasn't working properly so I wasn't actually getting any of the good stuff. You would have had to prise that mouthpiece out of my cold dead hands though. I was also so exhausted by my 3+ day labour that I was convinced id asked for stronger pain relief and been refused and that the midwife had warned me if I asked again I'd be considered to be drug seeking. Exh informed me later this had never happened and they all just assumed I was incredibly stoic. I made sure that EVERYBODY knew to keep offering stronger pain relief for my second birth even though I had an elcs, just in case I went into labour before the c section appointment!

No memory of biting anything but the jaw pain afterwards suggested I probably had!

Oh and once DS was born he was whisked straight off to NICU as he was incredibly poorly. I couldn't go and see him because I was still recovering from the c section. Midwife and I had a whole conversation about how boring newborns are and that they're much more fun when older whilst exh looked on aghast. That one might have been self preservation tbf!

Like @LadyMaid, I too, hallucinating with pain, thought my midwife was incredibly pretty.
According to my husband, for two hours, I told the poor (attractive, but quite ordinary looking) woman that she was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen. I remember that she was surrounded with a halo, like a saint, and absolutely glowed. I even asked if she had ever considered being a model...

This thread is ace.
In labour with DS1, off my tits on pethidine, I remember the midwife shift swap. Young new midwife was showing her colleague her fancy new nails she'd just had done.
I whispered to DH.......keep her fucking talons away from my vag.......yeah, apparently I didn't whisper

I got given my phone back to text my DH after major surgery whilst off my tits. I posted to Facebook

'Baby giraffes are 6 foot tall when they're born and I'm only 5 foot but I've got thumbs and thumbs win so giraffes can get to fuck go team thumbs'

I was tripping balls on morphine and started begging now ex H to go to the bus stop as I was thoroughly convinced the baby was on a bus and might miss her bus stop.

I went into labour late on the 2nd of July, it's early on the 3rd when I went into hospital, much gas and christ knows what and now its the 4th, back to back big baby totally stuck so they decide on a csection and I'm waiting on the anesthesist . Midwife team, maybe my 3rd or 4th team, start getting me chatting and say that I could call my baby Sam since it's the 4th of July. I took this as an instruction rather than a suggestion. I didn't like Sam but was too polite to say.

Anyway spinal done and I've been bumped for theatre several times and it's now the 5th of July, I'm heading down to theatre but manage to shout back "ha ha its the 5th now so I'm not calling the baby Sam so fuck you". It was either the drugs or just being tired and emotional. 😂😂

I accidentally lamped one of the midwives when in a somewhat delirious state just after DD2 was born (arms flailing, trying to stay conscious). I was mortified afterwards until DH told me it wasn't the lovely midwife who'd looked after me all through the labour, but the bossy cow who had given me a really rough time four years earlier when I was having trouble getting feeding established with DD1. She'd just come on duty and he recognised her right away...

These posts are making me feel so much better!

I had a homebirth that progressed to an MLU, then to delivery suite, THEN theatre for a turn and forceps. I was bloody pissed off the entire time - 2 days.

I screamed bloody murder at the poor ambulance service because they suggested I lie on my back for the duration. I'd been promised by the midwife that no one would make me do that. I kept asking them if they'd ever given birth. Yes, they had. I then proceeded to question in that case, why would they do it to me?!

In the end I ended up sat and belted into a little side seat. When the gas & air wasn't doing the trick I became paranoid that they weren't giving me enough because I'd shouted. I kept telling them they were evil and that it's illegal to discriminate against pregnant women.

I threw up on a midwife's chest, and launched into a strop at DH for making me eat the sandwich now sported by the midwife and the floor.

I told absolutely everyone repeatedly that my legs were swollen and this isn't how I usually look. They kept increasing as labour went on, as did my explanations. I even shoved them in the surgeon's face when he dropped in.

I tried to send DH out for champagne. I then told him repeatedly whilst getting prepped for the turn and forceps that I needed wine and I needed it NOW.

I was taken off the gas and air as I started to hallucinate that I was in the office and the consultant was my boss.

During the birth of my eldest I was very out of things and when my midwife gently reminded me to rest between contractions, what I actually heard was ‘masturbate between contractions’ .. so I struggled to get myself in a more comfortable position position while muttering that id ‘give it a go’ - my partner and my mother have never let me forget about it and the baby is nearly 20 now!

During my second I was convinced that the gas and air had changed my voice so much that it was unrecognisable, so I kept ringing my mum and doing Scream style impressions down the phone, complete with calling her Sydney and telling her I knew where she lived. I thought it was hilarious at the time, and as soon as I’d given birth I was confused as to why the police hadn’t come for me. My poor mum. And poor midwives.

I bit my mums hand during labour altho no one mentioned food haha I was just in so much pain an on whatever pain relief they offered. Mum had a bruise were I had bitten think it was during a contraction but she's never brought it up in conversation well not infront off me anyway.

Love the sausage roll part!
I bit the midwives hand because I thought it was part of the pillow. Was mortified afterwards

Had an emergency csection with ds2 and was given a spinal. Reacted quite badly to the diamorphine and was so delirious the nurses thought I was coming round from a general. Apparently I thought I was in the hospital following a nasty fight (not a fighter so God knows) and I was asking if the other guy was dead and banging on about how I couldn't go to jail and it was self defense! 😳😳

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea as a paramedic I’d like to apologise for that comment- totally uncalled for and unprofessional. As a woman, I’d like to tell you ex to piss off!

Dh still remembers that I drew blood digging my nails in during labour with #1. She's 20yo now.

His advice to all future dads is to take gloves (thick skiing ones) into the labour room.

Oh, I forgot. When DS was born, they put me on the gas & air for a while afterwards because my cervix apparently snapped shut and they couldn't deliver the placenta without extra drugs.

He was lying in the bassinet next to me as the midwife tugged away at the cord. All I could hear were her grunts, and my breathing and I sounded just like Darth Vader. I thought 'this could be like when baby birds think the first thing they see is their mother. Except that the first thing he'll hear is me going 'OOOOH HAAA' on the gas & air. So he'll think a Sith Lord is his mother.'

I then laughed so hard they had to take the mouthpiece away from me because I 'may have overdone it'