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Bit her during labour

245 replies

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 03/08/2021 21:18

Bit my sisters hand during DS labour. She won't let me live it down.
I'd had so many drugs and god knows what to numb the pain, wasn't allowed to eat anything as I was high risk for a c-section, was so hungry and I heard someone mention a sausage roll (nobody did apparently) and I thought she was handing it to me to eat. I was very delirious! She is laughing about it now.

I feel so awful but AIBU to think it's not the craziest thing someone has done?

OP posts:
ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 13:10

My friend was an only child and had never been around babies very much until she had her own. So, she's in hospital it's night time and her new baby DS has been sick all over himself and had a giant poo which is everywhere, she's crying and doesn't know what to do. Lovely kindly midwife takes her in hand and since they are all awake anyway, takes her and shows her how to give him a bath etc.

Roll on a few months and her DM pops in to visit just as baby has done a poo and needs changed, friend gets a bath ready and her mum comments "he looks really clean already, did he have a bath this morning?" friend replies "yes, but he's now poo'd?"

Turns out she has been bathing the baby every time he'd been sick or poo'd....

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 13:05

When I managed to get my first shower post EMCS while DH watched the baby it was quite the treat. I'm in the shower trying to gently remove gunked up dressings and I start to think something is wrong, I then realise i've still got my glasses on, gently remove them and pop them outside the curtain. Still washing and still feeling something is wrong, i look down and realise i have still have my slippers on - they were suede....

gotalottolose · 04/08/2021 12:54

Post birth I took off my gown and wandered naked into the en-suite loo and had a wee with the door open, with DH, midwife and student midwife enjoying a full frontal view of me sitting on the bog. The midwife very kindly came and closed the door to give me some privacy! I know they see plenty of naked bodies but I still blush about that one.

heygirlhey · 04/08/2021 12:49

Almost 35 weeks with my first and this thread has had me crying tears of laughter! Goodness knows what I'll get up to🤣

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 12:47

@MyShoelaceIsUndone

It was the worst tasting sausage roll I've ever tasted Wink

OP posts:
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 12:46

@HopeMumsnet

Aww yay! Grin

OP posts:
IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 12:42

@Mseddy

You will have to come back and let us l know if you do have any funny tales to tell! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! Grin

OP posts:
MyShoelaceIsUndone · 04/08/2021 12:39

Own it
When she recalls the tale tell everyone she tasted disgusting

Mseddy · 04/08/2021 12:32

Currently 35 weeks with my first and I've enjoyed this thread alot! Can't wait to see what kind of crazy I come up with!!

HopeMumsnet · 04/08/2021 12:15

Hello all, we reckon this should go into Classics, but we might leave it in AIBU for a bit longer, so just give us a shout when you're ready for it to cross over... we are absolutely howling at the temporary blindness!

Marmite27 · 04/08/2021 11:24

I was turning my head from one side to the other, DH asked me what I was doing.

Well, I was watching the ski-jumpers of course!

Diamorphine is bloody wonderful.

Comtesse · 04/08/2021 11:22

I am reading this at work and crying with laughter - one of the grads just came over to ask if I was ok oh dear how embarrassing Blush

IcantbelieveIjustdidthat · 04/08/2021 11:21

@LadyMaid

Yes, it was like I got when I had one to many on a night out!
Don't drink at all now though Grin

OP posts:
OhGiveUp · 04/08/2021 11:20

@LadyMaid Well I don't scream, shout and generally try to punch people when I'm drunk no.
I tend to just fall asleep in a corner somewhere.

LadyMaid · 04/08/2021 11:14

For those that had a change of personality whilst on gas and air and other pain relief, do you react this way to alcohol?

I am just curious as I have never touched a drop of alcohol so don't know what kind of drunk I would be.

I am very mild mannered usually and the gas and air made me emotional and I kept switching from giggling to crying about minor things like how English chippys don't do fried pizza and chippy sauce.

I was so upset about the fried pizza.

LadyMaid · 04/08/2021 11:07

@Ruthietuthie

Like *@LadyMaid*, I too, hallucinating with pain, thought my midwife was incredibly pretty. According to my husband, for two hours, I told the poor (attractive, but quite ordinary looking) woman that she was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen. I remember that she was surrounded with a halo, like a saint, and absolutely glowed. I even asked if she had ever considered being a model...
🙂

Mine was very flattered.

And I haven't the faintest memory of what she actually looks like.

OhGiveUp · 04/08/2021 10:32

I was my sister's birthing partner for her second child.
At the height of her contractions she was actually on all fours underneath the bed. She was snarling, howling and attempting to bite anyone who went near her, like a mad cornered dog.
I ended up on all fours peering under the bed trying to coax her out with no luck.
I was so frustrated that in the end I shouted...what do you want, a fucking bonio?
The midwife fell about laughing.
She eventually gave birth on the floor.

LegArmpits · 04/08/2021 10:19

I was convinced that the doctor stitching me up was The Bride from Kill Bill, and kept shouting at her through my wide open legs "Are you SURE you're not Uma Thurman?"

TalkingOutYerArse · 04/08/2021 09:57

I asked the nurse out for drinks coming around from an OP once. Guess I felt rather tipsy with the drugs at the time!

StrangeToSee · 04/08/2021 09:30

Oh and afterwards DH said ‘I’m exhausted, I need to go home and sleep!’

I was a bit annoyed as it was morning and partners could stay 8am-8pm, so I made him get my breakfast first. Then he went home and slept for the day, woke at 10pm and returned the following morning. He kept saying how exhausted he was from watching me in Labour and standing by the bed all that time 😂 It’s funny now but annoyed me at the time!

I barely slept the 3 days I was in hospital (babies waking every couple of hours to feed, nurse waking me every 2 hours to express colostrum, cleaner switching all the lights on by accident at 1am!) By the time I got home I was nearly hallucinating from sleep deprivation!

maxiflump1 · 04/08/2021 09:29

@Bakewellisntjustacake

I got given my phone back to text my DH after major surgery whilst off my tits. I posted to Facebook

'Baby giraffes are 6 foot tall when they're born and I'm only 5 foot but I've got thumbs and thumbs win so giraffes can get to fuck go team thumbs' Hmm

Ha this is hilarious! I've just spat my tea out!
StrangeToSee · 04/08/2021 09:08

Glad I’m not the only one who hallucinated!

First time I was left waiting so long I was 8cm by the time they finally examined me in the 6-bedded MAU ward. Shocked midwife realised there were no beds on labour ward. I feel terrible for the 5 women and their partners who had to listen to me screaming and shouting my way through transition with only curtains between us. Baby was back to back and I was in agony, hind waters kept breaking, midwife kept telling me to be quiet. Eventually she broke a rule and gave me some gas&air to shut me up but that made it worse. I was on my own (DH trying to find a car park, midwife trying to get me a bed on Labour ward). After a few puffs of gas I felt like I was spinning and had this sensation of flying backwards through the air so I pushed the emergency panel on the wall (I’m a HCP so did so more by instinct). People came running and told me off, i accused them of poisoning me 😳
In between contractions I could hear the other ladies talking to their partners and now and then a lady would call out trying to reassure me. The man behind the curtain next to me kept crinkling crisp packets and I tried to hit him through the curtain 😳

Finally got moved to Labour ward and had a private room, lovely midwife gave me diamorphine but it barely touched the pain just made me hallucinate more. Then I started vomiting non stop despite having nothing to bring up, so every contraction I’d retch and think I was dying as I couldn’t breathe. They kept giving me anti sickness injections but nothing worked and I hallucinated I was on a boat. Kept thinking the boat was sinking and rambling about needing to hit the waves at a different angle! Then hallucinated I was decorating the house for XMas and rambled about that.

When the midwives left the room DH would have a turn on the gas to ‘help him get through it’ (I hated the gas and only used it when someone forced it into my mouth). Or he’d leave the room to phone his mum for moral support (for himself).

My back froze at some point and baby was stuck, I’d been pushing for ages and when they told me to roll over I physically couldn’t move so they had to flip me over while I screamed and clawed at them.

I saw panic on the midwife’s face when she realised baby was in a tricky presentation, and knew what the next step would be, so put everything into the next contraction and baby came out in one go. I kept saying ‘is all of it out? Are you sure?’

Then baby latched onto my nipple and DH got off the floor (he’d felt faint and curled into a ball at some point) and suddenly everything felt normal again!

It’s weird how quickly the haze vanishes when the baby’s out. I didn’t really want to hold DD at first, so DH took her and cried with happiness. Then I realised I had to deliver the placenta and starting worrying I might bleed out (I didn’t).

Within an hour I was in the shower, dressed and in a wheelchair going to post natal ward with DD suckling and my whole boob out. We had to go up in the lift and I saw some of my colleagues! They either didn’t recognise me in that state or pretended not to but it was a weird journey!

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 04/08/2021 08:27

My sister projectile vomited over her husband and cackled evilly like the girl in the Exorcist. It's the best thing that ever happened to our family Grin

Picklesbaby · 04/08/2021 08:10

I was told I was only 3cm after 12 hours on the drip so asked for an epidural. The midwifes looking after me went for there lunch break while I got it done. He was farting about and couldn’t get it in so I told him to stop cause I needed to push . The midwife was laughing and told him I was 3cm and didn’t need to push . I asked her what the fuck did she know and threw myself on the bed anyway and told her I needed to poo then . “Haha I told you.bet you feel silly now don’t you” were my words when she confirmed I was fully dilated.
I then proceeded to tell my midwife all about the nasty woman who was calling me a liar and how I knew I didn't need a poo when she got back 🤭😂

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/08/2021 08:07

I told DH to "avenge my death!" as they took me in for my EMCS.

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