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Original poster

What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

380 replies

lardylegs123 · 27/06/2021 09:23

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying Blush I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail Grin

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/06/2021 18:10

@funinthesun19

I was 22. I had just finished work at closing time, and we were all leaving the building. There was this guy who I had been flirting with at work, and he was stood with some other guys talking.

I wanted to give him a hug goodbye or something, but instead I froze, didn’t even look at him, touched his chest and walked off. Confused

I fucking cringe when I think about it.

This reminds me of when my and my OH were on the tube going somewhere. A stranger dropped something and my OH picked it up for him. Stranger said thanks. OH inexplicably patted him on the head. Im lolling now remembering it but didnt at the time
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 27/06/2021 18:05

Taking our four children backpacking down through Vietnam, and up through Cambodia.

In fact all our holidays are pretentious. There’s a scene in Outnumbered where the snooty sister talks about going to the ‘real’ Spain... Seville, Granada, rather than the Costa del whatever. My dc snort over it, because that‘s exactly where we went in Spain. Not to mention our trip to Brussels which included a trip to the European Parliament.

Yes, we are are those pretentious middle class wankers. I hate people like us Grin

JeanneDoe · 27/06/2021 18:00

When my DD passed the assessment to get into the same prep school attended by the royal kids.
I told everyone.
I don't know why as I'm not a royalist and none of my friends are impressed by that kind of thing - especially as lots of them have kids that go there anyway.
I look back, a few years on, and inwardly cringe. Like who gives a shit? And why am was I such a wanker!

Shade17 · 27/06/2021 17:48

Cost me a fortune over the years, would have been happy with the water option from the soda taps behind the bar but never found the magic phrase to unlock that request.

Club soda?

NeverNotChasingDreams · 27/06/2021 17:46

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Oh I've remembered another wanky incident, but again not me - just overheard.

A college friend used to work at Harrods, and I sometimes went up to see her for her break, and we'd wander round together.
Going through the evening wear section with her once, we saw a snooty looking assistant helping a couple, showing them an evening stole or something. The lady asked how much it was and the assistant replied "Madam, if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it"

So rude! My friend and I were shocked at how rude she was!

My dad used to say that. I would say only a fool pays blind. Maybe I can afford £15k on a dress, but I wouldn't pay it!
NeverNotChasingDreams · 27/06/2021 17:45

@ScrollingLeaves

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

It's fine if it's natural. If it's put on to imply you're "better" than wherever your roots are = wanky. IMO.
funnelfanjo · 27/06/2021 17:43

@BritWifeInUSA having lived in the USA myself for a short while, I came back grateful for cosmopolitan UK (even out in the non-London sticks).

I'm a native English speaker (generic northern England) and when in the US, strangers' faces used to glaze over when I was speaking. I knew they hadn't heard a word I said, they were just experiencing some kind of mild panic that I wasn't talking like a local. Ended up adopting a "Hi, I'm new around here (even after a few years), could you help me please" schtick that gave them time to register and adjust to my accent. But yy to the not being able to put a different word or pronunciation into context.

So my wanky thing was that I ended up always ordering "Perrier" or "San Pelligrino" at a restaurant, because of the drama involved in asking for "water". One particular cringeworthy time I was saying water/H2O/the stuff that comes out of the faucet and getting nowhere with the confused waitress, until a colleague leaned over and said "she said she wants some WADDER" and the waitress suddenly got it. Cost me a fortune over the years, would have been happy with the water option from the soda taps behind the bar but never found the magic phrase to unlock that request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/06/2021 17:37

Oh I've remembered another wanky incident, but again not me - just overheard.

A college friend used to work at Harrods, and I sometimes went up to see her for her break, and we'd wander round together.
Going through the evening wear section with her once, we saw a snooty looking assistant helping a couple, showing them an evening stole or something. The lady asked how much it was and the assistant replied "Madam, if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it"

So rude! My friend and I were shocked at how rude she was!

ScrollingLeaves · 27/06/2021 17:37

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 27/06/2021 17:19

My DCs are disabled and we've started getting quite a lot of help in the home: therapists, tutors, carers etc. I was talking to someone the other day and said 'one of the staff', in our tiny run down, rented terraced house like we had butlers or something. I'm still cringing Blush

Just to be clear, I do not think of these people as 'my staff', they are invaluable to us, and in some cases like members of the family but the volume of different types of helpers we have just made me struggle (on the spot) to think of a word.

Tossblanket · 27/06/2021 17:13

Had a wank.

Tippexy · 27/06/2021 17:00

@troobleflooble

I had to look it up as it was doing my head in and I was correct *@Tippexy* 😂

Affect means to influence or impact so that was the correct meaning for the context I was using it.

Still a very wanky phrase!

Influencing change is effecting change! Smile

No one would ever say they “affect change.” I know I said it was rare but after thinking about it, it actually is just impossible and would not be a natural turn of phrase!

HintofVintagePink · 27/06/2021 16:58

I reinvented my signature when I received a letter from a prospective boarding school for my DS (which we could never have afforded btw). I loved the way the writer has shaped the letters in her signature practiced until I could do the same!

BritWifeInUSA · 27/06/2021 16:56

@MissConductUS

What if you moved overseas, for example. If, say, you spent 30 years living in the US would it not be acceptable for your accent to change?

I've noticed that among the Brits I've worked with who have been in the US, their accent softens but never really goes away completely. They do start using American words for things - soccer instead of football, trash instead of rubbish, etc.

We end up using the American terminology for common, everyday items because we regularly encounter arrogant people here who pretend they have no idea what we are talking about when we use the British terms. Most British people, even those who have never been here, will understand a born and raised American when they talk about trash, gas, faucets, etc but it doesn’t work the other way very often. Yes, the US has a greater influence than the UK does when it comes to pop culture. More British people are likely to have seen American films or TV shows than Americans will have seen British ones, but there’s also the fact that many people (not all, but many) are not well-travelled and not even interested in what goes on beyond these borders. I remember speaking to a client at work and mentioning during small talk that my mother is now a pensioner and something about looking for places that offer discounts for over 60s and she looked at me like I had two heads. “What are you talking about? What’s a pensioner?” I mean, even if you’ve never heard it before given the context (my mother - and I’m clearly in my 40s, over 60s, reduced income, the word “pension”) it’s not that difficult to figure out.

I’ve lived here for several years. My husband is an American and has never lived anywhere else. I don’t work with any ex pats or speak to any British people here during my usual daily life. My acce ts hasn’t changed. Yet. My husband knows what I mean when I say “paracetamol” and other things. But sometimes it’s easier and avoids confusion to use the same terminology. Asking my husband to buy some chips once caused confusion. British chips to go in the oven or American chips to snack on?

Abhannmor · 27/06/2021 16:55

@bringincrazyback

I was about 8. At the time I had a luminous star chart on my bedroom wall, which I loved, and learned all the constellation names from it.

Around the same time someone gave me a little toy bear and I named it Ursa Minor. embarrassed

I think that's brilliant Bringingcrazyback Grin
shallIswim · 27/06/2021 16:54

Me and a friend set up a book club for our sons and one of their friends. Forced them to read the Narnia books then met up to discuss the books with the other boys, having coached DS in the Christian symbolism littered throughout.
Sons sat there fidgeting awkwardly before eventually pleading to go off and play with Lego.
DS who is all grown up frequently reminds me of this rock bottom parenting episode

Abhannmor · 27/06/2021 16:46

I blame the 4 Tops!

iklboo · 27/06/2021 16:44

I once heard my SIL complain about something in a shop and shout out “do you not know who I’m married to?” at the poor woman inside the till.

😂😂

Abhannmor · 27/06/2021 16:42

@loopylindi

My friend and I both went to do teacher training at 18. I went to Liverpool (and am something of an 'accent sponge'. My friend went to Eastbourne. My mother was so disappointed!!
Ah god be with the days - circa 1964 -66 - when the whole world was trying to be Scouse!
LadyCatStark · 27/06/2021 16:41

@Bronson2

Anyone who uses the word reader in a post is a certified wanker
Yes they are 😂
TSSDNCOP · 27/06/2021 16:32

So many daily that I am going to push a friend under the bus instead.

She likes to ask people on meeting them "may I ask, what is your business?" in her best telephone voice.

crumpet · 27/06/2021 16:31

On a plane to South Africa dh and I turned left while 2 year old dd and our au pair turned right

riotlady · 27/06/2021 16:28

I studied Classics at uni and my whole personal statement was the wankiest thing I’ve ever written. I even included a quote from Keats

LadyCatStark · 27/06/2021 16:27

@covidcloser

I must be really wanky. I am autistic and moved about a lot as a kid. I changed/change my accent frequently to suit my situation. Masking I suppose but I didn't realise that for another 30 odd years.
Same!

Not me but DH works very much in the corporate world and asked me if I’d “reached out” to my brother 😂 by that he meant “what’s apped” as it’s not like we were estranged or he was going through a crisis or anything I just needed to ask him a small favour!

Hippee · 27/06/2021 16:26

I can't put on an accent to save my life, but I do catch accents from the people I am talking to. I only realised when I came home after a night out with an Northern Irish friend and my housemate asked me why I was talking like Ian Paisley. Thankfully it doesn't last long, but I always worry that people will think I'm taking the piss.