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Original poster

What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

380 replies

lardylegs123 · 27/06/2021 09:23

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying Blush I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail Grin

OP posts:
CatNamedEaster · 27/06/2021 20:20

When DS was small my parents used to buy some toys from charity shops and keep them in their spare bedroom.

When we were in a toy shop a couple of years ago I pointed something out, trying to subtly get ideas for Christmas. He said "no I don't want that, Nanny and Grandad already one in the Games Room."

He also once screamed "I want hummus, I WANT HUMMUS" in a tantrum in a cafe when he was about three. He has food allergies so I always had to take food out with us because I could never rely on being able to buy something for him from the menu (usually hummus and crackers), but it did sound very very wanky.

funnelfanjo · 27/06/2021 20:13

@Shade17

Cost me a fortune over the years, would have been happy with the water option from the soda taps behind the bar but never found the magic phrase to unlock that request.

Club soda?

ohhhhhhhh, is that what that is? I thought it was the same as seltzer, which was brought to me in a can and always tasted a bit weird and slightly salty to me.

Having just hit Google, I see that club soda is supposed to be the stuff with salts added, which means either I have a faulty memory or faulty taste buds Blush

berryhead2013 · 27/06/2021 20:08

A friend of ours moved to glasgow from fife and within three days I kid you not he had a full blown weegie accent I was like eh nawww gonnae no dae that 😂😂

Serin · 27/06/2021 20:08

I thought it would be nice to build the DC a tree house and sent off for a brochure to get some ideas. I should have known I was out of my league when the drop down list of titles included "Duchess/Major/Lord".
When it arrived the prices started at £40k for the basic model and went up to £200k for one with an Aga.Blush

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/06/2021 20:08

Oh god ive thought of one. At uni I studied Political Philosophy (wanky in itself), and in my first year I handwrote quotes from Rousseau in swanky caligraphy writing and stuck them around my room. What a twat....

RandomCatGenerator · 27/06/2021 20:04

Ahhh I’ve remembered one from a loose acquaintance / colleague of my DH: working in financial sector, Christmas party in early December, senior colleague after a few drinks starts to complain about what a pain it is that he now has so many household staff that he has to throw a staff party for them Grin

RandomCatGenerator · 27/06/2021 20:00

@riotlady

I studied Classics at uni and my whole personal statement was the wankiest thing I’ve ever written. I even included a quote from Keats
I think this is every arts subject personal statement isn’t it - wankiness is mandatory!

Mine was a quote from Orwell I think…

Itgetsthehoseagain · 27/06/2021 19:45

@CommanderBurnham

I turned up in the car park at school for DS's music recital (basically 6 year olds blowing into recorders with a range of 3 notes), straight from the airport. In an upper class limo. The chauffeur insisted in taking my luggage into the school office. All the parents were queued outside.

Luckily they had the grace to pretend they hadn't noticed as none of us are wankers really but the shame. To be fair, the plane landed at 8:10 and I was in the school hall at 9:05.

I want to be your friend.
pinkpapaya · 27/06/2021 19:37

@FoxgloveSummers

Blimey all the people I know who have done PhDs have spent years alone in their rooms/a library/a lab and it’s more likely to end their relationships than get one going.
Not this one. She did it full time in under 3 years and all paid for privately by her father so she was done with education at age 25. She never had to go through any of the usual selection for a funded PhD. Never done anything since either apart from pop two kids out for others to raise but acted as though she was god's gift and SO much more educated than anyone else. The Canadian doctor mum was also a qualified surgeon and so the perfect person to call her on her BS!
BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 27/06/2021 19:33

It’s a misogynist American ‘joke’ used to describe women who meet their husbands at university. Supposedly they didn’t go for an education, they went to meet a man with prospects. Hmm

pinkpapaya · 27/06/2021 19:33

DontDrink and Bluntness - sorry, I should have explained because I didn't know what it was at first. It is a North American thing that dates from the time when women only went to university in order to bag a husband preferably an Ivy League man with a bright future ahead of them. The women weren't interested in actually doing anything with the degree or a career, instead just treating university as some kind of finishing school and to husband hunt. The MRS pronounced M-R-S was a waspish way to describe it and of course a play on the title 'Mrs.' So basically, this woman with the PhD had done nothing with it except use it to make herself more marriageable and bagged a rich husband and then liked to lord it over the ladies at the kid's school by making out she was somehow superior. She also had the maid at home to cook, clean and babysit and kept her in a bloody broom cupboard bedroom in the basement (I kid you not!)

Bluntness100 · 27/06/2021 19:25

What's a 'MRS' degree, @pinkpapaya ?

Yes I don’t understand this either.

FoxgloveSummers · 27/06/2021 19:10

Blimey all the people I know who have done PhDs have spent years alone in their rooms/a library/a lab and it’s more likely to end their relationships than get one going.

PompomDahlia · 27/06/2021 19:09

@pinkpapaya I wonder if I could arrange that lady to visit an acquaintance of mine, with a PhD in similar subject who behaves as though she's the first to achieve such an accolade. And anyone who chooses to live in their hometown rather than moving to the big city is an ignorant yokel lacking in her imagination and drive Hmm

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/06/2021 19:01

Id assume a degree to find a husband

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 27/06/2021 18:53

@pinkpapaya

One of the women I used to know when I lived overseas was being very snooty to the other women in the social group by using one-upmanship and reminding anyone who asked that she had a PhD in inorganic chemistry from a very good university here in Britain. This lady would let everyone know her academic past even down to wearing a Christmas jumper that read 'Oh Chemistree' for parties and would generally act as though she was the fount of all knowledge and superior which was very wanky and pretentious. She got her come-uppance one day at a baby shower when one of the other women, a Canadian doctor/surgeon then asked her about the papers she had published and the illustrious academic or industry career she had enjoyed. Turns out this woman's PhD had been privately paid for by Daddy and she had done nothing with it, never worked a day in her life and was using it as a club to beat the other ladies over the head with when she tried to lord it over them at the PTA. The Canadian doctor said 'Oh, so it was a MRS degree' before turning away. Good to see someone so wanky being out-wanked by a doctor who was usually the least wanky person around!

What's a 'MRS' degree, @pinkpapaya ?

AuntieDolly · 27/06/2021 18:44

My dad offered to do some wallpapering for me when I first left home many moons ago. I sat in my living room watching tv while he did it. I still feel awful about it. I don't think I even made him a cup of tea. What was I thinking? 😔

PompomDahlia · 27/06/2021 18:42

I'm a complete accent sponge, but I think it's due to a lack of confidence and wanting to fit in, as well as growing up with parents with 2 quite different regional accents.

I was very wanky and lacking self awareness after doing my gap yah.
I used to fancy myself as an intellectual and swan around in lots of velvet at uni and boycott everything even though I wasn't always sure why. Total wanker as a teen.

TheRebelle · 27/06/2021 18:39

Not me but a co-worker who would talk endlessly about how he’d spent the first years of his life in France and he’s fluent had taught the teacher French at school etc, one day gets a French customer on the phone and all he can say to her in French is “Can you speak more slowly, I can understand you but I can’t speak French very well” - I hadn’t told him I’d studied French at university before changing my course and I had a couple of French friends who I used to practice with so I could understand every word 🤣

drspouse · 27/06/2021 18:39

My DS in the bath aged 3
What did you do at nursery today DS?
I say "Bonjour!"

MatildaTheCat · 27/06/2021 18:37

When I was 14 we made Christmas cakes in our cookery class. It took several weeks. The finale was obviously the icing and out came the Santas as the reindeer.

Except for me. I carefully piped on the words Hodie Christus Natus Est. (This day Christ is born).

I’d done one compulsory year of Latin. God the cringe.

underneaththeash · 27/06/2021 18:36

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - I started doing it too after a lovely patient came back and suggested that their glasses weren't quite strong enough. The lab had read my 7 as a 1 and they were wearing glasses that were 6 dioptres too weak!

FoxgloveSummers · 27/06/2021 18:32

@ScrollingLeaves

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

Because they’re already speaking English with an English accent in the first place.

(And I agree with some people accents change naturally but with others... they change overnight in their first days or weeks away and then sometimes switch back later when they get over themselves! But it’s a way to adjust to change I guess.)

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 27/06/2021 18:28

@powershowerforanhour

At least it wasn't gooseberry 'n cinnamon yoghurt, Ship.

🤣🤣🤣 love Catherine Tate!

BrilliantBetty · 27/06/2021 18:26

Went backpacking around India when I was at Uni. Over the summer hols. Wanted to be interesting and have lots of tales of 'travelling'.

It was the worst 7 weeks of my life. Phoned home in tears several times. I loved sounding like a pretentious wanker telling people about my 'tour of India' though.

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