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Original poster

Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

427 replies

Originalyellowbelly · 14/06/2021 20:01

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

OP posts:
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5
Hawkins001 · 15/06/2021 18:31

Just read another thread, you may consider sharing your garden with the neighbours

CatBumJuice · 15/06/2021 18:31

We all know the darked on and spider willies washing rules, but I can't believe don't talk about the most important rule of all. Bras and pants MUST be hung on the inside bit of the washing hanger thereby creating a modesty wall of shirts incase the neighbours happen to look over. I've said my piece.

Holly60 · 15/06/2021 18:27

As long as you sit quietly in an unobtrusive corner of the garden, whisper all conversation, avoid any type of food or drink, and avoid looking in the direction of your neighbours you should be grand.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 15/06/2021 18:15

Do not eaten vegan food

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 15/06/2021 18:02

You can put spikes on top of your fence... Lots of spikes.

Fedupofhomeschooling2021 · 15/06/2021 18:02

Don't forget not to put your smalls out on the line..... apologies if I've missed this already in the added to list!

Harls1969 · 15/06/2021 17:56

Do not use your phone in the garden - not even for the internet (possibility of an ad etc with sound as well as potentially blinding neighbours or pilots with the glare from the screen.
No creaky furniture, gates etc.
Avoid going into your garden except for emergencies.
Carry wheelie bins on bin day to avoid making too much noise.
No pets, children or visitors (ever).
Do not eat in your garden (people who have ignored the 'no washing on the line' rule don't want their laundry smelling of your tuna sandwich).
Grin

Knittingnanny · 15/06/2021 17:52

My late mother who disapproved of most things, would be disgusted if I or someone near her garden hung knickers out on the line and visible to all and sundry. Also, hanging your washing out on Sunday was “ common”. In fact hanging washing out on any day except the designated washday of Monday was “ common”
Anyone just sitting and relaxing in their garden was also “ common” as they should have their pinny on and doing proper housework.
The only thing I don’t want people doing in their gardens near me is smoking weed if the wind is blowing it in my direction!

viques · 15/06/2021 17:50

@Scarby9

Or water the fence.
Or paint the fence.
BarbarianMum · 15/06/2021 17:48

...and watch the grass grow. Fgs dont scratch anything!

BarbarianMum · 15/06/2021 17:46

You can sit, very very quietly a scratch the grass grow. You must be fully dressed and dont talk to the neighbours or even look at them unless spoken to. After half an hour or so you must walk quietly back into the house so you are not selfishly hogging the outdoors. If there are two of you I believe it might be ok to talk in low whispers but not too much. Wink

Ironmanrocks · 15/06/2021 17:45

No Korean grannies either, thank you!

Blueeyedgirl21 · 15/06/2021 17:41

Also forgot NEVER offer snacks or an ice pole or anything to children in a neighboring garden. Even if they ask. Even if you check with their parents. It’s akin to poisoning them and basically attempted murder. Also asking their parents and making eye contact is harassment. Also you are probably positive for covid and don’t know it and trying to murder their entire family.

This is a hyperbolic example of a real post I read last summer.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 15/06/2021 17:38

Sit in silence and train your small children to do the same. The joyful shrieks of children equal bad parenting, and obviously mean you don’t supervise your kids. Or love them. Only children who play in silence wearing Scandinavian branded clothing with a single, wooden toy will ever have success in life.

Maskless · 15/06/2021 17:35

Music and sex.

flowerpowerss · 15/06/2021 17:33

Don't water your flowers, the sound of the water may piss of your neighbours.

Localocal · 15/06/2021 17:32

And for sure don't let your children play there.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 15/06/2021 17:25

I planted blackthorn to create a natural hedge. According to my neighbour this is lethal and they were most unimpressed. Apparently a friend of theirs got a scratch off some then got cancer and died. To them 2 years to die. From blackthorn induced cancer.

I gave up on the hedge and built a nice big fence. It seemed prudent.

dhfoody47 · 15/06/2021 17:23

*dare obvsConfused

dhfoody47 · 15/06/2021 17:22

You forgot hot tub! How very date you Grin

Nohomemadecandles · 15/06/2021 17:20

I have loved reading this. It's properly made me laugh. Thank you!

squooz · 15/06/2021 17:20
Grin
MustardRose · 15/06/2021 16:24

Don't plant bamboo.

A - it rustles in the wind.

B - it spreads like a bastard.

AnneKipanki · 15/06/2021 16:12

Start preparing a bonfire for November 5th .

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 15/06/2021 16:00

I have Adirondack chairs in my garden. However, they are made of a plastic that looks like wood. I suspect this is unacceptable.

I also have a swing seat but it's from Walmart. Oh dear.

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