Something unexpected that made you go "wtf??"

A weekend away in a guest house. I was stood outside the front door prior to breakfast being served with a cup of coffee, admiring the view when another guest came out to smoke a cigarette.
She asked me if I was enjoying the weekend and I replied that I was and was she?
She replied, no not really, my husband can't get it up, he's got a dick like a lump lettuce.
To make matters worse, they were sat on the table next to us at breakfast, when her husband exclaimed ' nice sausage this '.
I could barely eat my breakfast for trying to stifle my giggles.
Who on earth announces to a perfect stranger that their husband ' can't get it up '???

According to my DHs aunt he has committed a 'mortal sin' by marrying a non believer. We've been together 20 years, and what's more her own husband is also a non believer, they have the most hate filled, miserable marriage I've seen. Oh and Obama is a Muslim, Trump IS a good Christian man and Covid is the 'end of days' so we had better be prepared. And no, despite being a qualified nurse she hasn't had her Covid vaccine as it's 'pointless'. It's become less WTF and more 'What now' with her

My friend keeps racing pigeons and sometimes young ones go rouge and decide to party with a pack of wild ones and dont return home.

If she sees them wandering round town she can just go pick them up although usually she just removes their tag and leaves them behind because she says they are useless to race if they are going feral.

My 2 year old dd looked outside the window yesterday and shouted.. 'look mumma a ghost' so I replied 'oh yeah look at that' ... her reply ... 'a ghost dog, look mumma a dog and ghost dog,' she was very adamant, two of our old dogs are buried in the garden

My mouth has dropped at several of these! Great thread

@Cowbells wear bed socks ?.

I wished someone a happy birthday and they responded with something akin to "one year closer to heaven". For context she is in her early 30s. I asked her to elaborate and she literally meant she is counting down the years until her death and was looking forward to meeting her lord. The woman has a husband and two children and I just thought it utterly bizarre of her to think that way.

@Inaseagull pahhahaaa

My aunt is a retired flight attendant.

On one flight a female passenger who was travelling with her young son kicked off royally at the other, male passenger in her row. She assaulted him and had to be restrained and the flight had to land to have her arrested.

The little boy was crying and the police were telling the staff how he'd have to be removed by social services when a man in the adjacent row chimed up that he was the woman's husband and child's father. And he was!

He had sat there motionless the entire time!

@elp30

thanks for background info.
totally different light, extra wtfs awarded!

and DS4 couldn't sleep because "mummy, my feet were too cold yesterday"

When DD was 3 she told us she couldn’t sleep because her pyjamas weren’t working.

As a student nurse 40 years ago. A woman's dh , a very professional looking guy about 50, was visiting dw and newborn.
The mum had sore nipples so was using a nipple spray before feeding.
When the baby pulled a face the df commented and the nursery nurse explained to the df that it was the taste and he should try some.
Before she could spray his hand he had leant over and licked his wife's nipple.
Nursery nurse and I gave each other a wtf look!

One evening one of my flat mates called out to me to come look at something on tv, it was a documentary about sex fetishes and some local sex clubs. Anyway she says, wait there was a guy who works in insurance like you. She then says that’s him pointing at the tv, all I could see was some guy in a gimp mask being led around like a dog at this sex club. A few minutes later there is a shot of him talking. It was the guy I sat next to at work. He was really graphic about his fetishes, even being strung up by rings he had pierced through his body. We were in different teams but the only thing separating us was a 1inch partition. The next morning I didn’t know where to look, my computer was constantly lit up with memes by everyone else at work I didn’t know where to put my face. I’d only just gotten over coming into work after the Christmas party to find someone’s bra hanging from the light fixture above my desk.

Traveling in Hungary. Took a heritage train to a quaint little town where there was a traditional market going in in the square. Lots of the older women dressed in flowing skirts and loose blouses. One, carrying bags of vegetables, stopped suddenly a meter or two from me in an oddly wide stance. A few seconds later, a strong stream of urine hit the ground beneath her. She maintained her position for a moment after the flow stopped then continued on her way.
I’ve thought of her several times this year when public facilities were shut and I was considering going out and further considering whether to wear a long skirt!

I was friends with a religious lady. One day we were talking about a news story (a massive natural disaster in which thousands and thousands of people died) and she said it was God’s punishment for not being Christian. I asked what about the Christian people who’d died and she said it was their fault for holidaying in a non Christian country. I was gobsmacked.

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@LouLou789

🤣

that remind me of the story of a very old lady who would sleep in a coffin instead of a bed just to be practical in case she died in the night[/quote]
That’s brilliant!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba & @LouLou789

I lived in Texas in 1995 (when this happened), and the "concealed gun bill" was still being debated in the Texas Senate floor and was passed as law on January 1, 1996.

You can then understand that there may have been something really unnerving about that "Gun List".

The "Haunting List", I can totally get behind. 😜

Getting a taxi to an antenatal appointment with ds1. The taxi driver started out seemingly normal, asking questions about where we were going and why etc etc, nothing out of the ordinary.
Suddenly he started talking about the new recycling laws and how pointless they were. Ok... bit weird but tolerable until he started proclaiming at the top of his lungs, ‘let’s just let the planet dieeee, that’s what we need to do! Kill the planet’. At this point his driving becomes really erratic and I start to worry.
A few minutes into his kill the planet speech and he sees a very slightly overweight woman waiting at the traffic lights. It went from bad to worse. He then started up on with, ‘Thats how we fix the planet, we eat all the fat people. Let’s just send them all to the top of a hill and roll them down, all there fat jiggling everywhere’. In between all of this he was laughing manically to himself.

I have never in my life been more excited to see a hospital and get out of the car. Me and dh have never forgotten it!

@roundtable
WJudging by the fact the literally didn't bat an eyelid to him actually choking next to them I doubt they did, FIL used heimlich as a last resort as between shoulder blades and hard patting on his back did absolutely nothing it was such a large ball of pasta. The boy seemed fine with his ice cream before we left but yeah, as I said I often think about him he would be in his later teens now.

she made the news. I can't remember if it was in Hungary or England.

@LouLou789

🤣

that remind me of the story of a very old lady who would sleep in a coffin instead of a bed just to be practical in case she died in the night

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@elp30

GUN LIST!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
brilliant[/quote]
We are carers for a sweet little 93 year old lady and she is quite open about having “A Haunting List”