I farted in my surgeons face today.

I wasn't very well and needed surgery but before I had to get scans. One showed a problem with my cervix, it appeared bulky. I had to have it examined before op. Gynecologists proclaimed its fine nothing wrong with it. Turns out I have a fat muff

Partner when young farted top deck of bus, his mate got a hot lung full and threw up

Brilliant thread!
My worst was a hideously early flight that DH and I were on. It had clearly played havoc with our insides and we had a whispered discussion about needing to fart. I said I thought I'd read plane seats have carbon in them so it would disappear into the seats.
Unfortunately 30 seconds later, the 2 businessmen in the row in front went silent and one of them said jeez.
We absolutely died of embarrassment. It really was dreadful and wouldn't inflict that on anyone usually

Not my fart but I still remember this with shame.

Out with my sister for some lunch. We like to wind eachothers up as most sisters do and no topic is out of bounds so fart jokes are quite normal.

Both go to toilets next door to each other, only 3 toilets in the pub and nobody in number 3.
After a minute or so my sister starts farting and sounding like she’s exploding from the inside out. The smell was also horrendous and it was literally just fart after fart for what felt like forever. I start to giggle and can’t stop.

So I do the natural caring sisterly thing trying to be funny and shout ‘what is wrong with your arse woman your completely stinking the place out’ while laughing my head off.

Only to find my sister was no longer in the toilet when I came out but was standing at the sink like this as someone else is in the 3rd toilet after all and I’ve just shouted some random stranger about her bowels over the cubicle door.

I’ve never left a room so fast in my entire life

I have such a history of this that I do not know where to begin.

A few days after major bowel surgery I needed to go - urgently - so checked with a passing nurse if I was ok to try to walk to the toilet (first time out of the bed). ‘Yes, good idea’, he says, nonchalantly, so as quick as I could I gathered up my menagerie of wires, tubes, drip and catheter and made a move...only to be literally yanked back by the oxygen tube wrapped around my head and up my nose. The shock of the motion and the realization I wasn’t going to be quick enough released the kraken. If you’ve ever had bowel surgery (or worked on a gastro ward) you’ll probably know how utterly revolting the first...ahem...movement is after surgery . It’s like meconium. Only smellier. And more voluminous. God it was everywhere. Poor ward staff .

One of the spice girls has a yoga video. might be Baby. Doesn't really matter.
But she starts doing yoga and farts.
It's hysterical. But I've never watched the whole dvd because of it.

I fanny farted in front of students. It was long and very loud. Unlike farts you cant hold in fanny farts and I just had to carry on discussing 20th C historty pretending it was not happening.
I try to never think of it.

I'm on codeine atm and it constipates me but also makes me a tad windy. I came down the stairs the other day and farted with each step down. I was madly impressed, DH not so much but I think it was jealousy.

Farting threads have me in tears and this one was no different , my oh and sd asked what was so funny so I told them and they were nearly crying at some of them .

Oh just remembered I once projectile vomited in the dentist chair 🤮

After anesthetic I swear like a fish wife, apparently it's very impressive

Let out a humongous fart in front of my new partner (now hubby) the very first time we had sex. I was mortified, luckily he though it was hilarious 😂

I had a patient let out a massive fart when I was a dental nurse!! He was very nervous and tense, a massive fart shot out. I can't deny it was very funny and I have no idea how I kept a straight face.
Now as a healthcare professional, burping, farting, vomit, poo, genitals is all so mundane to me

Brilliant - love this thread.

Not bodily related but one of the more embarrassing things I've done... Went to the cinema, it has an absolutely huge foyer and my friend and I were the only ones in it. We'd got our tickets but screen wasn't quite ready so sat on the chairs opposite to wait to be called.

A few minutes later we get gestured to come over, I jump up and hurry across, oblivious to all around me when I feel a lump under my foot and hear an 'Ow!' - I realise at that point I have just stepped on the foot of the only other person in the whole foyer! I say, 'Oh, so sorry didn't see you!' and continue to hurry across to the entrance to the screens. At this point I realise how ridiculous the whole situation is and get a giggling fit. A few minutes later the same person and a friend come into the screen. I think it was about only the four of us in for the whole film. Spent the whole film trying not to giggle!

I have been in a room with my patients and have let go when bending down or standing up suddenly. Mine are not musical or a gentle pffft. They sound like sharp rifle cracks and the look of sheer astonishment on their faces makes me die inside.

They usually don’t smell so I brazen it out. I must be the only person who loves wearing a mask at work. My eyes give nothing away. My cheeks are on fire.

Went for a smear about 6mths post birth (cs).
Legs akimbo, speculum in etc
Nurse says “ you didn’t do your pelvic floor exercises did you!)

Erm, No!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds them funny. No matter if a rumble or a squeaker, I'm on the floor with tears down my face.

Anyway all done & no wiping issue but the hysteroscopy involved a nurse inserting a rectal suppository.

From the noise she made I can only assume her gloved finger came out less than clean tbf she didn’t full on eewwwwwwww, just a quiet exclamation, then she hastily recovered and whipped her glove off but I knew after my toilet dash what had happened. The shame.

Hello ladies, I'm so clumsy and recently dropped a carton of double cream whilst carrying my shopping in (I live in a flat)
Cue it splashing absolutely everywhere!
I've scrubbed the carpets no problem and wiped down the walls straight away but it has still left a dark wet looking splash mark's all up the painted walls. I've scrubbed them several times with no luck.
Any ideas to get rid so I don't have to repaint?😭😭

Last year I was in a shop with DH, there was nobody else in our aisle and I needed to trump so I let go. It was very loud. I then heard giggles from the next aisle and a girl say "Oh my god did you hear that fart? That was even louder than one of yours!" I was laughing so hard I farted again.