Page 14 | I farted in my surgeons face today.

ImprobablePuffin · 2021-05-21T15:57:19+00:00

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks ! God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office! Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

BetterThanKleenex · 21/05/2021 19:19

Couples yoga. Silent room full of very yoga-y people who took it so seriously in their yoga costumes. DH made me laugh during the downward dog and I farted so loud the windows rattled. He snort laughed and fell down and the women next to me laughed until they farted too. Made the rest of the session more fun though!

Flissitytricity · 21/05/2021 19:14

Big sneezes are dangerous! The backfire from down t'other end is unpredictable and cruel.

A friend told me.

Em308 · 21/05/2021 19:13

Bubblemonkey I’m in a bad place too at the moment and this is honestly the first time I’ve laughed for I don’t know how long x

Letsplough · 21/05/2021 19:12

@ShutUpAlex

I fell over on the bus when I was pregnant with my daughter. It was one of those slow motion falls that took about 10 minutes for me to land on the floor and I emitted a long and loud fart the whole time that continued even after I was lying on the bus floor.

That has really made me 😂😂😂

user1471518104 · 21/05/2021 19:05

I had knee surgery under local anaesthesia and a nerve block

They never told me I would have no feeling below the waist. I shat myself trying to wee so
I could go home. I never noticed till it started to smell. I was still paralysed below the waist so nurses had to clean me up

Bubblemonkey · 21/05/2021 19:02

My MH is shambles at the moment, this has give me a good chuckle though

acceptedcultureofbullying · 21/05/2021 19:01

@romdowa

I've had an endoscopy under sedation and gave the Dr preforming it and the nursing staff the high of abuse after , obviously I had no idea what I was doing but I remembered it a few weeks later and had to face him again for results and I honestly wanted to die. He was very understanding and said its a very common affect of the drugs and was surprised i remembered it as most don't.

I did that with an op years ago - kept being given midazoalm to calm down - came round towards the end to six people restraining me and speaking very gently - god knows what I’d been doing .

I remember the anaesthetist saying the surgery was over and he was going to take me to recovery - so I made a move to stand up .

Numb from the waist down, legs in stirrups, on oxygen, a drip, a catheter and 40 stitches . Never seen a room of people move so fast .

When the anaesthetists came to see me on the ward a couple
of hours later they made crucifix signs with their hands (ie what you’d do with a vampire iyswim) ...

I’ve since been told I’m not allowed midazolam ever again - the next time I had a spinal they refused any sedation sensibly !

Roonerspismed · 21/05/2021 18:54

Yoga. Pilates. Loose fannies. Nightmare.

hippidyhiphip · 21/05/2021 18:54

I farted in my midwives face, repeatedly.
She was asking me to push and I kept telling her "I'm going to fart" but she still made me push with her head between my legs checking for babies head.
Every time I pushed a huge fart reverberated round the room. Was so embarrassing.

Suzi888 · 21/05/2021 18:50

@PaleGreenGhost

Yoga class. Head stand. Instructor came around to support my legs because I'd never done a full one before and was too nervous to fully extend my legs. So naturally my fanny repaid him with a weird airy sounding fart. It was totally impossible to stop (are fanny farts even stoppable?) and seemed to go on forever. He said nothing which made it way worse.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hardertobreathe · 21/05/2021 18:49

@romdowa

I've had an endoscopy under sedation and gave the Dr preforming it and the nursing staff the high of abuse after , obviously I had no idea what I was doing but I remembered it a few weeks later and had to face him again for results and I honestly wanted to die. He was very understanding and said its a very common affect of the drugs and was surprised i remembered it as most don't.

Oh God. I did this

the nurse said “oh you were chatting away” as I came to fully.

When I suddenly remembered some weeks later I realised I wasn’t chatting away, I was actually F-ing and blinding like a trooper! It was 15+ years ago and I still cringe. Especially as I had the same procedure a total of 5 times, all with the same nurse present!

hellywelly3 · 21/05/2021 18:43

I remember coming round from an anaesthetic in the recovery room and being aware I was farting loads and really loud and couldn’t stop. I remember looking across and seeing another patient in the bed opposite laughing. I just wanted the ground to open up.

seashellsseashore · 21/05/2021 18:38

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂

I can't breathe for laughing so much 😂😂😂

simbobs · 21/05/2021 18:36

Not me personally, but I'm still smirking at the fart unleashed by Head Teacher at my kid's class assembly, while she was addressing the whole school and the parents of Y5, and that was some years ago!

pheonixrebirth · 21/05/2021 18:29

One time with an ex who was giving me a treat down there. Lots of writhing around and moaning, I finally came and relaxed which prompted my fanny to let out a long loud fanny fart. My said ex was still down there a got it full throttle in his face. I can only describe his look as startled as his eyes peeked up from between my legs!! 😂😂😂😂

ALongHardWinter · 21/05/2021 18:28

Original poster

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 18:28

@Mimsytove

What was the sound?

Bass, the pinched squeaky or two tone?

Wet afterburner or dry?

Kind of like a rapid fire machine gun but deep and vibrate-ey. Kind of chunky iyswim

OP posts:

Gilead · 21/05/2021 18:27

I’ve got Ulcerative Colitis, I could make a fortune on one of those sites!
I shan’t, it’s a bit odd.
OP relax, I’ve shit myself so often it’s not true, pubs, hospitals, supermarkets!

Solasta · 21/05/2021 18:26

thisisbull

This is wonderful

Mumoblue · 21/05/2021 18:25

Oh dear- I tend to think doctors have seen everything so I try not to be embarrassed by anything at the doctors.

I tend to embarrass myself a lot- highlights include me throwing my phone onto the pavement and shattering it because a dragonfly landed on my hand when I pulled out my phone to check the time, and the time I got hit by a cyclist while walking through town.
He had rung his bell but I have hearing loss and struggle to identify what direction noises are coming from, so I just carried on my merry way until I got slammed in the back by a bike. The guy was very apologetic, and it couldn’t really be helped but I bet it looked bloody ridiculous.

MilduraS · 21/05/2021 18:24

I once tripped down some steps in front of 4 clients. One of them rushed to help me up and as he did, I let out the loudest fart of my life. Could have been heard from 100m away and no mistaking it for anything other than a fart At least yours was a medical professional who did something that probably had a 50:50 chance of making you fart!

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/05/2021 18:22

Ps OP wins the day with the thread title.

Mimsytove · 21/05/2021 18:21

What was the sound?

Bass, the pinched squeaky or two tone?

Wet afterburner or dry?

Original poster

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 18:20

[quote ShutUpAlex]@ImprobablePuffin you know in movies when someone falls and it’s slow motion and the nooooooo is really deep because they slow the voice down too? It was like that but out of my ass.[/quote]
😂😂 I'm afraid that just makes it even better. See other people's embarrassment is fine - it's just mine I'm not ok with 😂

OP posts:

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/05/2021 18:20

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂 Cashing in.