What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

This is the funniest thread 😂😂😂😂

@osbertthesyrianhamster that is exactly how I imagine stand up shower sex. That sounds horrific! Did you get a second date?

We had this idea that he'd stand up and hold my legs round his waist whilst I held onto the shower rod.
^

Hells bells

You can guess what happened. We both wound up in an ambulance. The back of his head had struck the tiles on the way down, causing a skull fracture (and damage to the bathroom in my rented flat). I fell forward and broke my elbow and gashed my forearm so badly on something I need 22 stitches. The rod was ripped out of the wall.

Not to mention, we were soaking wet and bloody and I had to let the paramedics in.

French kissing

Gondola rides in Venice. Just no.

Being serenaded by a quartet. Ex hired one to surprise us at dinner which he thought was such a romantic gesture. I wanted to die of embarrassment, I didn't know where to look, people stared, it was awful. I dumped him the next day. Saw on facebook he pulled the same stunt with his next girlfriend but she loved it and splashed it all over her page.

theleafandnotthetree The scenario you suggested in response to a previous post made me laugh so much. It could just visualise it in a film:

As an aside, I think in movies this sort of thing inevitably looks and feels not too awful because the soundtrack gives the cue to how you're supposed to feel about it. In reality in this kind of scenario, the only soundtrack is likely to be other people saying WTF, Bob in Number 5 mowing his lawn and a random child at the background announcing they've done a poo. Grim.

Shimmying up behind you when you're cooking and kissing you on the neck.

Sex in the shower - can't be done IMO

(Strikethrough fail, sigh)

Yes, Romney, that really was a romantic gesture! It showed he was truly thinking about her, not himself. Unless he saw it as an investment?

Sharing a bed.

And I’m annoyed at the fact that you can’t openly say you have separate bedrooms without everyone thinking your relationship is on the rocks!

Horse riding together on a beach! Atop a skinny scabby horse being eaten alive by mosquitoes and over some rather dangerous looking rocks that the hooves keep slipping off! Terrifying is more like it never again!!

OK I'm 58, more of a gran than a mum these days. I always used to think "romantic weekends away" were so not romantic when you had small children and were tired. I read somewhere about a woman who had a baby and her partner booked a night in a hotel. She was thinking "oh no, that means sex and I am so tired" but when she checked in the hotel it was just for her; bubble bath, bottle of wine, magazines, chocolates. Her partner was looking after the baby at home while she could chill out and just rest. I thought that was just lovely.

So many of the things mentioned here may have been romantic when they were original and spontaneous but most of them are now horrible cliches. What is the point of sprinkling rose petals at weddings - just a waste of lovely roses in my opinion. And then there's the soppy string quartets.

I'm not very keen on lovey dovey names: "sweetheart" "honey", etc, etc. or couples who feel it necessary to demonstrate their devotion to each other by blowing kisses.

I don't get the Paris thing either. I quite enjoyed our trip there but I don't understand why it is supposed to be the city of romance.

I always think those public proposals are presumptuous and tacky. Presumably the proposer is pretty sure his offer will be accepted -or that the "victim" will be too kind to refuse and cause humiliation.

Breakfast in bed. Hurts my back, crumbs everywhere, usually spill something...no thanks

Oh there are parts of Paris that are lovely there are parts that are grime. The sweet bridge with the locks Notre dame Paris by night is a little magical ✨

He then produced a ring sized box which I looked at with horror and said, 'you haven't have you?'. It was earings but that was the moment when I realised he wasnt for me!

I also had this except the boyfriend in question had put a diamond ring in a bag of Haribo Starmix ! I nervously asked "you're not, are you?" And he was like "God no!" But I think he would have done if I hadn't have said anything. Thank god I did!

Every single one of the above.

Also opening the car door for me and ‘helping’ me out. Dude, if it’s a bucket seat shove my bum don’t hold my hand you’ll get a hernia and I’ll still be sitting here.

The shower thing is cringey, singing cringey, petals in bed - why???flowers nice but not romantic. When my ex dh would write love letters to me I’d write back with illustrations of our daughters poop.
Totally the most romantic thing is being offered a pot of tea not just a cup, oh and a lap tray, and my own bit of sofa with no one touching me 👍
This has been the funniest wheeze inducing thread I’ve ever see on here. Nice one SmidgenofaPidgeon

I have a horrible feeling that Clintons are going to rush out a range of 'romantic' tea cups based on this thread.
I agree with all of these points apart from flowers, I love flowers.

Having food feed to me, slowly, piece by piece ...

erghhh! It’s so awkward! You always end up getting stabbed in the gums and then hangry because it’s been a long 30 mins and all you have consumed is 4 mouthfuls! Plus the long, slow, “stare deep into my soul” look they give you while feeding you, followed by the awkward giggle you make and the “yummmmmm” because you have no idea where to look or what to say!